![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tina on August 25, 2002, at 22:47:09
Why is it that whenever someone says something nice about me or compliments me, the urge to kill myself gets stronger and the hopelessness grows larger? I just got an email from a friend who thinks I'm strong and smart and nice and generous and the more compliments I read, the more I wanted to run away and bury myself six feet under as soon as possible. I just feel like I'll never ever live up to the image she has of me. I don't know why she thinks of me this way. I don't want her to. I don't want anyone to.
It brings the suicidal thoughts to an obsessive point.
Posted by Dinah on August 25, 2002, at 22:58:04
In reply to Where does this come from??, posted by tina on August 25, 2002, at 22:47:09
I hate to say it, Tina, but it seems rather logical to me. When I'm depressed and someone compliments me, it upsets me on two levels. First of all I feel like a fraud and it underscores my many defects in my own eyes. Second it makes me angry that no one understands.
So I guess it isn't logical in a rational sort of way, but it does seem logical in an emotional way, if that makes any sense.
Of course, the key is to change your own self image so that you see the qualities that others see in you. So there you have it, a goal to work towards in therapy. :)
Easier said than done, I know. And it's all a vicious circle. A negative self image adds to depression. But depression causes a negative self image. Fortunately, my moods change so often that I only hate myself sometimes, so I understand a little bit more what is happening when my mood drops, and I have a vague memory of a positive self image. It must be a lot harder for those who are unipolar.
Posted by tina on August 25, 2002, at 23:07:43
In reply to Re: Where does this come from?? » tina, posted by Dinah on August 25, 2002, at 22:58:04
Hey Dinah
it's midnight where I live and I'd rather be sleeping but since these damned thoughts are running so rampant.................alas, I digress.
Where the heck are you on this planet or is it midnight where you are too? and if so, go to bed girlie! You have a big site to administrate and you need your rest.......
thanks for the insight though. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in feeling worse when someone tries to tell me all the wonderful things about me. I hate it. I think I feel better when someone insults me or belittles me. That's so screwed up isn't it? It's like when I feel better if I fail at something. I think I would lose it if I ever succeeded at something. Same thing if I was to ever become what others see in me. It's just something that seems completely impossible. I am always convinced they are lying or just 'being nice' or trying to cheer me up. I can't possibly be the person they see. They must be delusional. Man, am I nuts or what?
Post-midnight ramblings.....
Posted by Ted on August 26, 2002, at 10:46:10
In reply to Where does this come from??, posted by tina on August 25, 2002, at 22:47:09
Tina,
Please let me know when you find the answer. I feel the same exact way, though to a somewhat less extreme. Part of my problem was having been raised where everything I did was either unimportant or not good enough. Now awards and accomplishments are especially difficult for me.
Take care of yourself.
Ted
Posted by Kath on August 28, 2002, at 11:07:37
In reply to Re: Where does this come from?? » tina, posted by Ted on August 26, 2002, at 10:46:10
Tina, I think what Ted says makes a heckuvalotta sense.
What happens to us as we're growing up affects us SOOOO much, I think.
You have had major shit happen in your childhood (as I have) and believe me, Tina, those things screw us up royally. Often, we blame ourselves, feel worthless, bad, ashamed, etc. From what I gather, you certainly don't get much positive reinforcement from your family (understatement). A "core" belief of yours is that you're not okay. Makes sense to me that if people tell you good things about yourself, it feels horrible. (Sorry, but any that come from me are totally sincere because that is precisely how I experience 'you'.) I think that in that scenario, hearing good things about myself would make me feel pretty damned isolated, crazy, angry, misunderstood, scared, to name a few feelings.
There IS hope. I'm pretty nervous about what to say to you, but all I can do is tell what my own experience is. By the time my former husband & I split up some years ago, my self-worth was in the basement. He had said (among other things) that I was boring, had nothing of interest to say & was dull, etc. When I was going out with Craig I was sometimes really stressed about talking. When I got to know him well enough, I told him what John had said. Craig was really mad & said that it wasn't true. Over the years I have been growing in feeling better about myself. I can now hear compliments & actually enjoy them! I can hear nice things people say about me & think "hey, yeah - that's true!"
But guess what, Tina - Elissa will say to me, "Your a great Mom." and I feel uncomfortable & REALLY rotten! THAT is one core belief that I still have - that I've been a bad Mom & screwed up my kids majorly!
I feel guilty when I say good stuff about you, but I'm sorry Tina - you've been a major support to me for the last 2 years. I don't know what I would do without knowing you're there.
Hugs, Kath
P.S. - I also must say that I've benefitted greatly from the CoDependents group. I know it'd stress you to go to a group, but maybe there's one on the internet. I'll ask Wanda.
love, Kath
> Tina,
>
> Please let me know when you find the answer. I feel the same exact way, though to a somewhat less extreme. Part of my problem was having been raised where everything I did was either unimportant or not good enough. Now awards and accomplishments are especially difficult for me.
>
> Take care of yourself.
>
> Ted
>
>
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.