![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lemonaide on September 8, 2008, at 11:17:54
It is weird that I feel fine. But somehow I just don't feel like going to therapy because well it is expensive and I feel fine.
Do I really need to do that trauma work or am I just in a period of dormancy? Or am I just being avoidant? Maybe it is best not to rock the boat?
But I am not really fine, maybe just not being triggered from my past at the moment. I took this time off school to work on this, so maybe I should still go tomorrow? What do you think?
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 8, 2008, at 11:30:26
In reply to Feeling okay, feeling like I don't need T WTF?, posted by lemonaide on September 8, 2008, at 11:17:54
Maybe this is part of your feeling like a teenager (remember how we really didn't think our elders had anything we needed to tell us)?
That's the first thing that struck me, given what you've said recently.
Maybe just sit with this for a bit and see if it passes.
pc
Posted by lemonaide on September 8, 2008, at 11:40:33
In reply to Re: Feeling okay, feeling like I don't need T, posted by Partlycloudy on September 8, 2008, at 11:30:26
Hi PC,
Boy did you comment caught me off guard! lol I didn't even think about me being a teenager being a reason.
Yeah, I don't need anyone because I am invincible! lol
I don't know if this is the reason I feel I don't need T or not. All I know if that I feel too normal. Or maybe I haven't felt normal for so long I forget what it feel like.
So how is everything with you? Is you house still quiet without SD?
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 8, 2008, at 12:33:03
In reply to Re: Feeling okay, feeling like I don't need T » Partlycloudy, posted by lemonaide on September 8, 2008, at 11:40:33
Thanks for asking, Lemonaide. I'm still feeling the aftershocks, just like this was an earthquake or something. We were all ready to throw all of her stuff out (take it to Goodwill or some other charity), and I said, let's text her one more time, just so she knows what she's doing. And 8 hours later, she texted us back with, "don't through away my stuff! I'll PROBABLY be there tomorrow!" You can just about picture me banging my head against the wall. I'm trying to go forward, and this woman just isn't ready to let go. I really don't expect her to show up today. Then we'll have to come with another ultimatum, though I'd rather just go through with the threat and be done with it. ("You said you'd be here, so when you didn't show up, we presumed you didn't want us to keep it." But that totally smacks of us acting like *ssh*l*s, which might be what I want to do! but don't have the cojones to ever go through with IRL.)
And, of course, there are other stressors. My father in law is pretty ill with lymphoma, and is in and out of the hospital. My mother in law is a basket case trying to care for him. My DH has been to see them a couple of times, but he really isn't handling it well at all. This past time he came back and said, that's it - I'm not going back until the funeral. I'll thinking, is he kidding, or is he joking in this sick way because he doesn't know how else to respond? He's totally not one to talk about his feelings. An entire family of"stuffers", they just stuff their feelings into sick jokes, into alcohol, into uncomfortable silences.
So my back is still really hurting me, but I'm getting treatment for it. I'm relying pretty heavily on my therapist at the moment. Working through some heavy duty stuff on forgiveness, as I've mentioned before - which is totally SUCKY work, but I'm determined to get through this. I think that's where I'm at right now.
(Sorry to go on...)
Posted by Phillipa on September 8, 2008, at 12:41:00
In reply to Re: Feeling okay, feeling like I don't need T » lemonaide, posted by Partlycloudy on September 8, 2008, at 12:33:03
PC no wonder your back hurts yes keep going to the massage therapist it will help. Sorry you have to go through this. Love Phillipa
Posted by lucie lu on September 8, 2008, at 13:25:23
In reply to Re: Feeling okay, feeling like I don't need T » lemonaide, posted by Partlycloudy on September 8, 2008, at 12:33:03
PC, sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate right now. And I'm real sorry to hear about the health problems with your in-laws. Whether one is close to in-laws or not, problems like that tend to create a tsunami that hits every member of the family. Everyone needs support although not everyone can give it - or use it, as you say. My DH was rased similarly and in times of trouble, all those feelings go underground - which tends to trigger me, etc etc. It is extremely stressful all around. I agree with Phillipa's suggestion that the back problems may be exacerbated by the stress you are under. Will your insurance pay for things like physical therapy and especially, massage? After a session with my massage therapist, I almost always feel really good and it picks up my mood, at least for a while. Sometimes even care from a nice clinician or other caring health professional can help if they can extend some of that sense of being cared about to you. It works that way for me anyway.Take care and I hope things look up for you soon.
Best, Lucie
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 8, 2008, at 13:32:04
In reply to Re: Feeling okay, feeling like I don't need T » Partlycloudy, posted by lucie lu on September 8, 2008, at 13:25:23
No, I'm having to pay for all my care - therapy, acupuncture, massage - out of pocket. My health insurance is incredibly messed up! That's been part of my difficulty - making my self care a priority and not seeing it as an indulgence. The therapy I've had no problem justifying, but the other stuff, perhaps because it's considered "alternative" medicine, I've been less inclined to invest the time and money for myself in.
But, you know what? It's my birthday this week, so I've been going for it. And dealing with the guilt as a by-product...
Posted by lucie lu on September 8, 2008, at 13:49:22
In reply to Feeling okay, feeling like I don't need T WTF?, posted by lemonaide on September 8, 2008, at 11:17:54
Wow, Lemonaide, I am feeling the same way right now. I was feeling pretty good most of the time my T was away, but then crumbled when I saw him again when the old feelings about him started coming back. We did have a good session last week talking about some of these feelings, and I discovered that it does indeed feel nice to air them and have someone simply accept and validate them.
Buton the other handI have been wondering whether I am ever going to really be over the longings and feelings of loss and abandonment, so is it really worth it to keep re-experiencing them with him? Particularly with him as the immediate cause? At what point do these emotional responses become iatrogenic? Or, like you, are we getting ready now to go on to something really productive? I am so confused.
Is this zebra a black horse with white stripes or a white horse with black stripes? I have no idea but see it both ways, which is confusing. I just cant figure out whether this all reflects avoidance or gaining perspective. And it certainly is expensive.
Hope we can both figure it out
Yours in confusion, Lucie
Posted by lucie lu on September 8, 2008, at 13:54:20
In reply to Re: Feeling okay, feeling like I don't need T » lucie lu, posted by Partlycloudy on September 8, 2008, at 13:32:04
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 8, 2008, at 14:01:35
In reply to Happy Birthday, Dear PC, Happy Birthday 2U! (nm) » Partlycloudy, posted by lucie lu on September 8, 2008, at 13:54:20
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 8, 2008, at 14:03:04
In reply to Re: Feeling okay, feeling like I don't need T WTF? » lemonaide, posted by lucie lu on September 8, 2008, at 13:49:22
> Is this zebra a black horse with white stripes or a white horse with black stripes? I have no idea but see it both ways, which is confusing. I just cant figure out whether this all reflects avoidance or gaining perspective. And it certainly is expensive.
>Random information tidbit of the day - I think I read somewhere that they have striped skin, so they're neither white nor black but both. Which makes you think anyway!
Posted by lucie lu on September 8, 2008, at 14:08:20
In reply to Feeling okay, feeling like I don't need T WTF?, posted by lemonaide on September 8, 2008, at 11:17:54
You still do need to make a decision about whether to go tomorrow or not. Can you picture yourself alternatively going (outcome unknown) or not going and feeling (what)? Sometimes it helps me to decide that way, to try to tell from my reaction to a decision how I felt about it.It's been a long time since I just didn't go because I didn't feel like it. I did cancel a couple of times when work was busy, although I know I was using work as an excuse. But even that was an opportunity to turn my attention elsewhere.
My gut feeling is that maybe you do just need a break, if only to celebrate and enjoy feeling so stable. But of course, your gut is the one that counts. Either way, whichever you decide, I think you'll get something out of it so at least that's good (excepting the money).
I'd be interested in hearing what you finally decide to do... (only if you want to, of course)
L.
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 8, 2008, at 14:33:45
In reply to Re: Feeling okay, feeling like I don't need T » lucie lu, posted by Partlycloudy on September 8, 2008, at 14:03:04
>
> > Is this zebra a black horse with white stripes or a white horse with black stripes? I have no idea but see it both ways, which is confusing. I just cant figure out whether this all reflects avoidance or gaining perspective. And it certainly is expensive.
> >
>
> Random information tidbit of the day - I think I read somewhere that they have striped skin, so they're neither white nor black but both. Which makes you think anyway!
Oh, poo, I think I was thinking of tigers and got confused. Never mind!
Posted by rskontos on September 9, 2008, at 16:13:34
In reply to Feeling okay, feeling like I don't need T WTF?, posted by lemonaide on September 8, 2008, at 11:17:54
Now this is just my opinion and I am no expert, but as much as your t has helped and as much as you have been having some bad days, I hope you are out of the storm but could this be as PC said your teenage rebellion or the eye of the storm. I hope not.
But that being said, I say go. I have the same, and I mean the exact same tendency and it has gotten me screwed up thinking I am fine and then wham I realized I was in denial.
Don't get me wrong, maybe you are at a place where you don't need him (or as much) and we will throw a party here at Babble for you sweetie, but I would advise caution all the same.
I am such an avoidancy pro I just hope you are doing that too.
rsk
Posted by lemonaide on September 9, 2008, at 19:44:04
In reply to Re: Feeling okay, feeling like I don't need T » lemonaide, posted by rskontos on September 9, 2008, at 16:13:34
Hi Rk,
I went to my appointment today, it was too late to cancel. We talked about stuff he thinks the EMDR has done some processing on my trauma about my mom. I am almost seeing it as that my mom was sick too and that is why she did what she did because it was probably done to her too. My grandma is very cold and mean, so maybe it is true. When you look at all my mom's sibling, 4 other sisters, they all have major emotional issues.
I am not saying that mom was innocent, and want a relationship with her now. I don't, I still want to remain disengaged from her. She is still a physical threat to me. But I feel I am not so vulnerable to her threats, I am strong enough to fight her if need be. I am sure I still have some pain to process I told my T when he asked. But he thinks we may have preprocessed a big chunk the last few sessions. I guess I will have to see how things go.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.