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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on October 28, 2004, at 16:08:51
{{sigh}}
I know it's not really a beard, but today has been a rough day, and when I got home from the rough appointment with Dr CattleProd, I made the mistake of looking in the mirror and noticed a lot of longish hair all over my face. I know it's lanugo, because of my weight, but seeing it was still not pleasant.
It actually fit with what made the doctor's appointment so rough. Increasing the Cymbalta has been counterproductive, overall, just increasing the problems, without increasing the anti-depressant effect. In fact, I can't say that I'm aware of *any* antidepressant effects from it, but maybe it is helping somewhat. Anyway, I'll be dropping back to 60mg, and augmenting it. That's where it gets rough: he said, "Usually my first choice would be to augment it with Wellbutrin, but because of your restrictive eating, I'm hesitant to do that -- in fact, I won't do that." I'd been hoping that he'd add Wellbutrin, or switch to it entirely, so I said so. And I told him why I was hoping that's what he'd do. The end result is that I'm adding Wellbutrin, because he said that restricting wasn't as dangerous as purging, but we had to have a bit of discussion about the whole thing. I had to swear, Scout's Honor, that I didn't do anything like purging -- which I don't and never have -- and promise to try harder to eat more.
So, I stopped at the market on the way home. I bought some Italian Sausage, to make pasta tomorrow night, in hopes that it will tempt me to eat more than usual. That's very, very upsetting to me, though. I just keep feeling as if I have to keep starving myself until something changes. Maybe I'll be able to do it, though, tomorrow.
For tonight, I'm going to make crab cakes. I've never made them before, so it's an experiment. And I'll be trying out a recipe for Cucumber Dressing to put on them. (Well, OK, 'to put on it' since I'll be making two for my husband and one for me.) I do love to cook, and right now I'm so obsessed with food that almost all I can think about it cooking foods that sound good to me.
Yesterday I saw a gynecologist for the first time in about 15 years. (I've had the "Girl Check" from Planned Parenthood and other PCP types in the interim, just no specialist.) We talked about my infertility, which we're going to investigate. My husband says we can start trying, which is another incentive to try to put on weight.
I don't know. I'm still not feeling communicative, not responding to emails, not answering the telephone, etc. I'm hoping that the lowered dose of Cymbalta will help some with that, and that the Wellbutrin will be a keeper. Just thought I'd check in with you all.
Posted by Shar on October 29, 2004, at 22:35:29
In reply to Dear me! Now I'm growing a beard!, posted by Racer on October 28, 2004, at 16:08:51
Sweetie Pie Heart,
Don't talk to an Eye-tie (Italian, or actually, Sicilian) female about beards!! A stray hair or two or three...or whatever.You ought to see my female ancestors! And, mom. And, aunts. Etc.
And, if it is a health thing, then that is totally different AND avoidable, AND you should be eating anyhows, AND your choice of Italian Sausage was very ...er, ironic, I think!
I want you, all of us actually, strong and healthy! I don't know if I can get there from here, but YOU might be able to!! So, I say, feast upon your crab cake (sounds yummy), and enjoy the sausage. My Sweetie is ALWAYS searching for things I will eat (because I don't eat so much either, but at my age it isn't much of a problem...metabolism and all that).
You and others here need to eat, even if it's only V8 and crackers (my favorites). OK, also dry toast. But tonight, my Sweetie made twice-baked potatoes, corn, spinach and some other stuff, plus gravy and biscuits (it is the South, you know!). So I had the potatoes and spinach. It's a start...
xoxoxo
Shar
Posted by SLS on October 30, 2004, at 9:01:40
In reply to Dear me! Now I'm growing a beard!, posted by Racer on October 28, 2004, at 16:08:51
Dear Racer,
I'm glad your ED (lol) isn't off limits here. It seems that everyone is sensitive enough not to be a cattle prod about it. :-) If you do get that from time to time accidentally, you know where that would be coming from - right?
I think we all want each other to be as healthy as possible - in every way.
- Scott
Posted by Noa on October 30, 2004, at 13:36:53
In reply to Dear me! Now I'm growing a beard!, posted by Racer on October 28, 2004, at 16:08:51
>I know it's lanugo, because of my weight, but seeing it was still not pleasant.
I do worry about you--it sounds like the anorexia is pretty severe at this point.
>So, I stopped at the market on the way home. I bought some Italian Sausage, to make pasta tomorrow night, in hopes that it will tempt me to eat more than usual.
>For tonight, I'm going to make crab cakes. I've never made them before, so it's an experiment. And I'll be trying out a recipe for Cucumber Dressing to put on them.
I'm glad you are trying to eat.
>I do love to cook...
I hope it does help to make really appealing foods, so that you will be able to eat more and get to a healthier weight.
Take care, Racer.
Posted by JahL on February 2, 2005, at 15:54:33
In reply to Re: Dear me! Now I'm growing a beard! » Racer, posted by SLS on October 30, 2004, at 9:01:40
Hi Scott.
Sorry for walking away from our conversation of a few months ago. I think we were discussing how a strong but repressed ego can manifest itself in the form of an uncontrollable temper. Something like that. Anyway, a certain poster - who thankfully seems to have disappeared - was getting to me and it was a case of either walk away and calm down (it's taken me 3 months! Perhaps the interpersonal rejection sensitivity element of my s. phobia coming to the fore?), or unleash a torrent of abuse and get myself banned for life. I was angry. I always am I suppose. It's not in my nature to walk away but I think I acted correctly in this instance.
Anyway, how is it going? Any improvement? Hope so.
If you're interested, since we have last spoke I have trialled Riluzole (some hypomania etc) and am about to embark upon a 21 day trial of Mifepristone (unfortunately, exhorbitantly priced). Quite excited about this one, they're even studying it over here. Other than that, it's opioids - which to my great dismay, are impossible to obtain over here.
Any way, take care.
Hello to anyone that might remember me and also to those that would rather forget...
Jah.
BTW. Does anyone know of the whereabouts of ShelliR or Elizabeth? I lost touch with both of them after an extensive course of ECT some time ago caused me to forget who I was for a year or so... Ta.
Posted by JahL on February 7, 2005, at 21:35:59
In reply to Re: Dear me! Now I'm growing a beard! » Racer, posted by SLS on October 30, 2004, at 9:01:40
Hi again.
Just thought you might be interested in this link: http://www.moodswing.org/trials/
It's the second study down that grabs my interest. In particular;
"It is hypothesized that stigmata of HPA axis hyperactivity and *cognitive impairment* will be predictive of response to antiglucocorticoid therapy with mifepristone."
You and I have, in the past, swapped tales of woe concerning Bipolar's ability to 'trash' one's intellect. My working I.Q. is about 40 points down from my 'euthymic', or normal score, and so I am mildly optimistic that I might be a candidate for a positive response.
As you know, the cognitive retardation component of Bipolar is a real killer, an eternal source of frustration and humiliation, and the prospect of having a brain that actually functions, at least to a degree (I'm not expecting full remission but you never know...), fills me with excitement (if it's possible for me to experience such an emotion).
Something's got to work for me soon because I've had enough of this hollow and empty existence and cannot rid my mind of this obsessive and graphic 'pistol-to-head' image.
I'm not looking to burden anyone with my problems, but it's odd. Other than to my psychiatrist, I very rarely talk to anyone about my suicide plans. Yet I can divulge my innermost feelings to a relative stranger (sorry :( ) before a potential audience of millions. Ain't life crazy? Am I?
Take away the quarrels and spats - many of which foment in my own slighty paranoid and so defensive psyche - and which given the nature of this site's members (i.e. we're all emotionally fragile to some extent. Angry too.), are entirely undertstandable - and I suppose I must find Babble rather therapeutic. I don't have a psychotherapist (and neither would I want one. I object to many of them on both medical and moral grounds) and I suppose, sadly enough, this site represents one of the very few opportunities to, er, 'vent'.
Thanks for listening (anyone).
Let me know if you wanna talk Mifepristone etc.
(a crushed) Jah.
> I think we all want each other to be as healthy as possible - in every way.
>
> - ScottAmen to that.
This is the end of the thread.
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