![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 2 to 26 of 79. Go back in thread:
Posted by no rose garden on February 22, 2015, at 17:14:55
In reply to does 'suits' get better?, posted by alexandra_k on February 22, 2015, at 1:38:17
I've never seen that show...but when I was in high school, Legally Blonde made me want to go into law..I even did mock trial.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 22, 2015, at 21:58:37
In reply to Re: does 'suits' get better?, posted by no rose garden on February 22, 2015, at 17:14:55
Ah. I don't know 'Legally Blonde'. I thought that was a band, or a song, or something.
Now I know why people keep buying a bag a bit like mine... Guy off 'Suits' has got one. Only... I never thought to wear mine quite that high up, since I don't bike...
This week is Orientation Week...
I am... I think my crazy went away. Last few nights... Actually... Over the last week... Things have been a bit noisier outside. I've come to realise it mostly isn't people from this building. It is people from the building next door. Drinking / smoking / laughing outside into the small hours.
I can actually get to sleep while they are still going / it isn't sending me into a rage.
:)
Progress.
In my building... They've put up some decorations for O week (that will probably stay most of the year). And, uh, even though they gave me a fright to start with... I actually like them. 'The Incredibles'. Family of superheroes. Kinda cool. I'm getting a kick out of it, anyway.
The Chemistry folder is black! Yay! This is my year, I tell you. I could have coped with yellow... But any color other than yellow would have been a little bit upsetting... I managed to get goggles that are a little less warped... And I made them sell me an old lab coat that they use for people to check their sample size. It is SOFT. About 5 years old, they reckon. It has 'Sample 3' on it in blue permanent marker... They said that people will probably think that I stole it...
But... It is important to focus on what is important. And I can't wear my old lab coat... Bad chemistry karma... People will probably think I forgot mine so they loaned me one. Actually... I'll just tell them the truth... They might appreciate that I don't smell like almond fabric softener...
So... Orientation turns out to be more orienting than I found it last year. I think it is the same as it was... I've just relaxed a lot. I'm feeling calmer... Happier... More relaxed about the people. Things are going to be okay, yeah. Proper orientation on Wednesday... 8.45. Bastards. They take us out to the satellite campus etc... I hope I get to wander around the library...
Posted by alexandra_k on February 22, 2015, at 21:59:22
In reply to Re: does 'suits' get better? » no rose garden, posted by alexandra_k on February 22, 2015, at 21:58:37
The stuff is so pretty... The lab manuals and stuff. The courses are so well organised and structured. And the content is so clear and precise. I'm so happy :)
Posted by alexandra_k on February 23, 2015, at 1:01:28
In reply to does 'suits' get better?, posted by alexandra_k on February 22, 2015, at 1:38:17
> Why would people feel inspired by that?
>
> I don't get it...who cares? i has 'scrubs'!
Posted by alexandra_k on March 6, 2015, at 19:27:41
In reply to Re: does 'suits' get better?, posted by alexandra_k on February 23, 2015, at 1:01:28
near the end of season 2. it started to get more... arty. that was what it was going for. still-shots or whatever that are beautiful / arty to look at. in a sin-city cartoon come to life kind of a way. some of the 'witty banter' (not to witty) had a visual kind of a rhythm / tone to them... something... catchy about it, yeah.
end of week one. HOLY CRAP. things got really intense really fast. 8am classes 5 days a week... well... actually 9.30am class on Wednesday but 8am bus to satellite campus. i have, like, 6 hours of class on monday. and 5 on wednesday. and class is intense... exhausted at the end of the first week... everyone is.
the crowds are intense. around 500 or 700 students packed together waiting for security to let them into the theatre. at which point there really is something like a stampede. crowds start around half an hour before most lectures... i see they are doing us a favor with the 8am starts... since there isn't a class in there who has to clear it means people can stagger in over a half hour period and thus far anyway i can get a seat (middle of a new row only a couple back from the front) at 7.45am...
we did like, a whole chapter of the book in 50 minutes of epithelial tissue. then the next day we did, like, the whole next chapter of the book in 50 minutes of connective tissue. Like... all of the chapter. for reals. SO FREAKING GLAD i enjoyed the textbook over the summer. helping me HEAPS now... and of course i don't have any time at all to read it now... not with all the printing of powerpoints and cutting them into cue cards i need to be doing...
biology is crammable when you are tired... chemistry needs to be done when i'm fresh. manageable thus far. i think... it will be. it really is just about keeping up. she sets us 'learn this by tomorrow' and... she means it. but then... we are doing foundations / review for now... and i hear the pace picks up when they get to craploads of functional groups later...
satellite campus day is hard work... the 'easy pass' paper is... nod and smile... nod and smile... pretend like, we are 12 years old. lets have fun by learning everyones name and throwing a ball around... and everyones idea / opinion is equally valid... and... there is a bit of an edge to it... i think there might be... with them sort of wanting to give a prize to people who haven't won prizes so far... and perhaps taking delight in people who do well maybe not doing so well... a bit more of the 'tech mentality' i think... it is about equity... yes... but, again, it upsets me when people think equity is about blowing smoke up peoples *ss*s... doing that makes it so very much harder for people to discover the valuable talents that they in fact have... the source of... genuine esteem... but try and not let them see your eyes glaze over and nod and smile and nod and smile and nod and smile... maybe i'll get the 9.05 bus to the satellite campus and nap in the overflow room, after all...
(it actually... reminds me a bit of one of the early episodes of scrubs in season one... JD was getting upset with Carla calling him Bambi all the time (seeming to disrespect him in front of everyone) so he came out with some comment about her being a nurse and him being a doctor and her showing him appropriate respect... and then she was very upset with them, because they had started to become friends... and then... she said something about how... she'd never felt bad about being a nurse (rather than a doctor) until he said that... and... during the episode i didn't really understand her explanation of why she was upset, or whatever... but i guess... the thing is... the not-doctor people involved... there is some deep seated insecurity or something... probably not least because they are well aware they don't earn anywhere near as much and they didn't train for as long and so on and so forth... and that... because all of that is glaringly obvious... i think that is why... well... the conclusion was that he came to accept that he would always be... Bambi. in front of everyone. and i feel like... i kind of get that. and that there is something valuable about nodding and smiling. insofar as it conveys... respect for persons. and sometimes... whatever is going on... isn't the forum for critique.)
then... after 3 hours of that... one hour of lunch time (where i think i will be able to find a room to sleep in)... we have 2 hours of 'teamwork' where... all answers are not equally valid.
it is a bit hard to explain... we have a bunch of forms. firstly, we individually fill in a form. we basically answer a bunch of questions... there are 4 different answer options and we can distribute a total of 4 points. so... if we are certain one option is correct we can assign 4 points to that option. if we are split between two, we can assign 2 to each of the two etc.
Then we need to come to group consensus and fill in a form as a group (but with a single, final answer).
Then we get a scratchy card that tells us we got it right... or... if we don't scratch the one with a star after 2 attempts... we have to write some blurby blurble thing... which of course nobody wants to have to do... the sooner we get it done... the sooner we get it done... everybody is cranky and tired and wants to go home...
first one i did better individually than the group. yay teamwork. seond one i did very badly and the group did very well. maths test. bastards.
the team dynamic thing was really cool. i mean... it is designed to teach us how to be team players. to represent our opinions to others in a way that is likely to track truth (e.g., whether we are certain or are guessing)... etc... the two people who were fairly quick to try and lead everyone... weren't the truth trackers of the group. and one of them liked the sound of her own voice in explanation... the group members are fairly young... 18 or so... and they've grown up with a lot of 'just get in there! in ya get! stand up!' smoke been blown up their *ss*s...
anyway... we have the same team of people (i think 6 of us) for the rest of the semester... will be interesting to see how much better we get at identifying the ones who know... especially if they mix up the tasks so different people are likely to be the truth trackers for the different scenarios). i guess it is mostly about getting a reputation for being reliable with respect to 'listen to me' or 'i don't know' or 'don't listen to me'. better at succinctly explaining our rationale. i think most people are used to the idea that there must be one leader who always leads by default instead of thinking that different people might be better or worse suited to lead depending on the nature of the problem / task... anyway... first time i've EVER enjoyed group work. Because we hand ALL of the forms in. And because the answer is relatively clear (though I hear it gets a bit hazier with likely treatment outcomes eventually... but clear at this stage...) So it it obvious to everyone at the end who should have led the group.
i know they do a LOT of that kind of thing with the problem based learning stuff in med school. to get inter-disciplinary teams working together etc etc etc. it really is ingeniously designed...
anyway... feeling... good. not much time to think... very very very very busy. not much time to do anything other than study / do little tasks worth about 0.5% each... a constant succession of them to check we can manage our time / to get us used to busy-work, one can only suppose...
the kids are pretty good. smart... friendly... i was a bit worried some of them were starting to think i was cold etc with headphones... preferring to sit by myself and focus on pre-post readings rather than smalltalk with yet another new person... but i think people are getting to know me... to not take it personally... that it is my way of coping with stress whereas smalltalk is their way of coping with stress... And... I guess I'm trying to be kinder, too. Because everyone is feeling insecure and taking things personally and sleep deprived and overcrowded etc etc etc...
anyway...
week 2... onward ho.
i like my lab partner for bio :)
fingers crossed i get a kind and patient lab partner for chemistry on monday... i surely need it...
Posted by alexandra_k on March 20, 2015, at 20:25:45
In reply to Re: i think 'suits' got better, posted by alexandra_k on March 6, 2015, at 19:27:41
End of week three... Only two weeks until study break!
Things were starting to feel almost routine and then I got hit with the sickness. Lots of people sick in week two... I was starting to feel all triumphant that I'd managed to fend it off, then got hit pretty bad. Took two days out just sleeping... Damn... Don't have time for this... Cold and flu tablets... 2,000 word essay this weekend and some chemistry... Still have 2 lecture hours to catch up on (online viewable thank god) Better be alright for 6 hour lab day on Monday...
Most of the people are really young. I mean... Really, very. Overheard conversations are mostly about people trying to fit in with the herd. Most people really do only seem to go to sit with their friends. The people who are there earliest / who are first in line are the people who thrive in being surrounded by people people people all the time.
You... Sort of can start to pick people. Be like 'that one doesn't have a hope' and 'that one might get in'. It is weird... But it is largely about focus. Some people seem to thrive on something like trauma bonding, too. So lots of talk that is about upsetting people (a sort of feigned upset). Lots of worried gossip about how hard whatever test is meant to be or chinese rumours style gossip about how the lecturers have changed a date on something or... People spend hours talking about absolutely nothing. Have set up class facebook pages for it...
There are people waiting more in the wings... Biding their time... It lights a fire up under your *ss, that's for sure. Please oh please oh please oh please let me make it into med. Please oh please oh please oh please oh please don't make me wait behind with all these kids who never had a hope...
The group work thing is painful. People in the group who want to take up the groups time telling everyone why they thought the wrong answer was the right answer. People more focused on being the centre of attention than anything else. Or people more focused on getting their way than on the group achieving the group objectives. I just can't quite believe what these people are thinking... If we really were making a decision about patient care or something... Not thinking. Unthinking. Happy puppies making happy puppy noises...
I'm not very happy with the standard of the social science teaching that we have... Woffly and vague and all over the place. The sort of thing that gives social science stuff a bad name. Making first years write a 2,000 word essay when typically first years would only write a 1,500 essay. Giving them a complicated freaking question with about 9 parts to it instead of a simple question with 3 parts. Just... A whole bunch of stuff to make things unnecessarily confusing (seems to me). Wasting time... I think partly it is about lazy teaching (e.g., failing to give past years tests as practice because they are too lazy to construct new ones and instead recycle). Partly it is about... General ineptitude. You can't make things clear for others if you don't have things clear for yourself.
Bio is ticking along... Chem... I think I'm going to be okay... They gave me a nice back corner and the demonstrator is terrific. Sort of quiet and... I resonate with him, somehow. And they have him and another guy (who is also pretty good) doing extra help sessions throughout the semester and they don't seem terribly well attended so... I think I'm going to be okay for chem. I'm also... Thriving on the bustliness of it all. Into week 2... Once my sleep-wake got into a routine I was thriving on it all. Getting back after a long day feeling refreshed and anxious to review. It is good for me... I thought it would be...
I'm glad that I'm happy enough by myself. Can just turn up my headphones and literally ignore all the gossip / chatter that there is. I have my wallplanner with all my assessment dates and I have my assessment sheets for what tasks etc we are meant to be doing. The lecturers send out emails (like 4 per day) about various things... I have no time for gossip... No need for it. No need for people going on about how much work there is blah blah blah blah blah...
People say your biggest enemy is yourself but I really think... I've learned to look after myself pretty good. Actually... My biggest enemy is other people. Other people who will waste all the time there freaking is and then some.
Sigh.
Getting there. Better be. Holy crap.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 20, 2015, at 20:51:28
In reply to Re: i think 'suits' got better, posted by alexandra_k on March 20, 2015, at 20:25:45
The focus thing is just...
I'm finding it easy to be helpful. Which is good. Last year... I was sort of helpful... But sometimes I think I was a big mean, too. Because I was worried about other people taking advantage or me. Or about my getting a worse mark if other people did better. Because I know marks are partly comparative...
But I'm finding it easy to be helpful. Which is good. Like in bio lab... I did quite a bit better than my lab partner on the first one even though I told him everything I put down and I simply don't see how he could have done worse... But his attention to detail was less. He didn't understand that various things that I said were actually important. He didn't pay enough attention to where to end that line. Etc.
Or... I say something... And then the person continues on their merry way... So you just have to... Let it go. Let them do their thing. They'll learn eventually... Or not. I do understand that sometimes things are too demanding and you simply can't process anymore... I think I see a lot of that about... So... Even if I'm as helpful to others as I can be... I'll still be okay, I think.
Things are also a lot better designed this year. In both Biology and Chemistry. They've really put a lot more thought into designing labs. To make sure that you don't get screwed over if you get a crappy lab partner etc. Enough individual stuff to make it such that different people will be expected to have different values etc. So... People really do earn their marks by doing the work, or not.
The lecturers from last year were more of a mixed bag, too. This year... They've all been terrific thus far. Except for the social science-y papers... One of them... I can't tell if they guy used to be okay but he's a bit old now, or quite what his deal is... But I'll be damned if he isn't putting himself to sleep woffling on about things that are totally irrelevant for most of the time... Thoroughly disorganized lecture notes etc etc... The other of them... The lady really (really really really really really) tries... But everything is so over-produced. With mistakes in everything. So a new thing fixing up a mistake but then a new thing to fix up a mistake but then a new thing to fix up a mistake... Things like... Typo's on references (APA style is important) or copy-paste function is broken (oh my god end of the world people will need to type in that reference by hand) I... Don't understand how it can possibly take her quite so long to shuffle mistakes around... Management... Huh... Enough said...
Anyway... The whole 'health science' thing is a bit of a... Not me. No ways. I am... Not a good fit. That pathway doesn't have a good track record of getting people into med... Because most of the people on that pathway don't do well enough (especially in chem) to get a place... It is more of the 'equity' pathway... The thought is that it is more friendly to non-traditional candidates since you don't have to do bio-chem and physics... Instead of you have these woffly social science papers... The danger is that instead of giving people a manageable essay and letting them get on with it... You over-produce it so it takes far (far far) more time than it needs to... Takes up all that time that the other pathway people are getting to spend on studying for chemistry...
Anyway... I feel a little afraid... Because even if I'm in the top 5% or 10% of that pathway for biosci and chem... It still might not be enough. Because it is the bio-medders who are the real competition.. And I don't really see those kids, really. The health science pathway... It is fairly obvious from the get-go that the significant majority of them don't stand a chance. They can say it is the 'verbal pathway' but that is just the noise that you get at tech... B*llsh*t... I'm not seeing people who have terrific reading and writing skills -- I am seeing people who are in love with the sound of their own voices... And other people's voices, to be fair. People who can't bear for there to be no voices and who are terrified of solitude. That is very different from being verbally inclined. And so... Most people will do pretty badly on this essay... Because they don't know how to write essays... And while they have tried to make it easy for them in breaking it down... They've actually made it impossible by making it comprised of too many parts and by being confusing about what they are actually asking people to do and by making it too long and by providing readings that are very complex (too complex for first years) and too many of them (for first years) and by doing completely rubbish things like disallowing direct quotes across the board (because they don't think they can teach people to quote appropriately) when every single reading we have makes use of direct quote for the simple reason that: That is often the best way to say what some other author thinks / says. Especially when you are asked to say what some other author thinks / says.
Anyway... Enough moaning... How hard will it be to get a B- (about all I need for it) given that I can actually string sentences together? I just feel... Bad for the dumb people who are only made to be dumber...
Crabs... Crabs in a bucket... Nod and smile and try and not let it take up too much of your time... They aren't doing anybody any favours in helping people focus on what is important. For the obvious reason that...
Damn.
Please oh please oh please oh please let me get into med.
I am just... Disbelief... At how many people are unable to focus on what is important. Either in making a manageable task or in making progress on doing a manageable task. I really didn't think that that was such a rare and valuable skill...
Posted by alexandra_k on March 20, 2015, at 22:27:13
In reply to Re: i think 'suits' got better, posted by alexandra_k on March 20, 2015, at 20:51:28
And I don't understand how people can't tell the difference between an organised lecture and a disorganised lecture. I don't understand how people can't tell that it has taken an awful lot of work for bio guy to manage to get a whole chapter of a textbook down into 50 minutes. I don't understand why people aren't cranky at the guy who turns a chapter of a texbook (that he wrote like, 20 years ago) into a two week production with so much woffle it's... criminal...
I don't understand how people can't tell the right answer when they see it. Or can't tell a good explanation from a bad explanation. I mean, seriously, with group work. I can tell them 'I'm certain that B is the right answer because A and D are blah (not the answer) and C is wrong because of z... And they don't get it... Even when that's the exact same thing the tutor says to them later... Or in writing down explanations... They really can't tell good explanations from bad explanations...
I don't understand how they can't at least see that they can't see the difference. That that would act as motivation... For them to try and persuade someone who can see the difference to perhaps help / lead them. They can't even seem to come to that conclusion...
I...
Most people... Really are rather a lot more like animals than we (academics) often suppose... I think... That is true. Don't get me wrong I think that animal rights need to be far more advanced than we take them to be at present... But I really do think that the significant majority of people out there really aren't able to get the whole symbolic thing...
The significant majority of people basically are illiterate when it comes to taking literal meaning out of text... Repeating back what content there was in the text... Most people use language like birds use their cooing.... It's about social affiliation or it's a territorial gesture or it's playful or it's consoling or it's... Whatever it is... There isn't any point listening to the actual literal content because from that point of view it is simply rubbish.
The future of healthcare... The thought seems to be that we want these coo-y people (we say they are verbally inclined and have good social skills) to be the future of healthcare for the masses. The masses who wouldn't know clinical competence vs incompetence if it... Killed them. Literally. Clinical competence is like... Literal meaning. Completely besides the point of... Completely besides any point that they are capable of understanding...
That's what makes it okay to give them to people who have to have to have to have to help them (who take much delight in getting to 'help' people who are too sick to get away)... It helps reduce demand for services... Helps people feel that they must feel appreciative of services they get (because clinicians will retailiate if they feel they aren't sufficiently appreciated for 'after everything I"ve done for you!!!'...
Meanwhile.... 11x22 people sitting on boards of directors earning far more than the average salary. politicians driving around the country on limousines flying for free... no money for the front line of health care when we have to fund happy hour cocktails for ministry government workers on a friday to keep up staff morale... clearly the wastage in healthcare comes from doctors overprescribing and overtreating and isn't at all about all the money that managers and board members syphon off first...
it is kinda crap.
the system... doesn't make a difference. it's the corruption within the system, methinks. Changing the system... is just another excuse for spending money on something that is a complete waste of time.
It is pretty sh*t.
On one sense... I feel bad for the masses who are being screwed over... By people who are... Probably just as inept and unfocused as they... On the one hand I feel empathy...
On the other... When I realise that these people would rather crap up all my time with crap to make it such that I can't get away (even do what they can to make me believe I can't do whatever it is that would have me get away)... Would happily keep me in the sh*t hole with them... When there are so many hundreds or thousands of people already keepling them company...
When they wouldn't listen to me if i stayed... Because they are unable to hear the voice of reason...
It seems like all they want to do is drag everyone down to the lowest common denominator. Is that really what 'equity' means... Because it starts to feel like it. Because other people won't... I'm not allowed.
I think... I do need money to gate myself away from them. I think... That's life. People don't like to speak of it, but there it is.
I would like money to get out of the city one day. Similar to what I've got now... But somewhere more gated, yeah. I don't want to hear drunk homeless people sqwaking at each other at 3am. Or at any time of the day, really. It messes up my sleep / interferes with my functioning... Things don't inevitably track the money.. But they sorta do... Money to get people to back off... That's the thing. Money to make people when they won't listen. Money is power. Huh. Guess people figured that out however long ago...
I never got it because most people think money is power to have other people do what you want (do stuff for you) and I thought there would be nothing much worse than sycophantic brought friends. But now I see the value of money is the power to buy solitude. Yeah. Huh.
Posted by ClearSkies on March 24, 2015, at 18:32:58
In reply to Re: i think 'suits' got better, posted by alexandra_k on March 20, 2015, at 22:27:13
I believe that by now I am unsuitable for much of a social life. I'm not interested. Solitude, being with my cat, being with a book, or speaking, one on one, with a friend - those are my areas of comfort.
I do need modern conveniences, though, due to habit. Pretty sure I would die out on my own. So I couldn't be completely secluded.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 26, 2015, at 21:04:13
In reply to Re: i think 'suits' got better, posted by ClearSkies on March 24, 2015, at 18:32:58
I couldn't do a 'survivor' kind of solitude, either. I rely on electricity etc... And I like enough people about to feel anonymous amongst them. Even though I appreciate that unless you constantly change up your schedule you will start to spot (and be spotted by) familiar faces even if you were to live in the busiest place on earth.
I don't actually mind familiar faces...
It is about... People who understand that one can be company for oneself. So... Someone who realises that they might be interrupting you if they approach instead of assuming that you will focus on them on demand.
I can't remember where I found this now... But I found something really recently about how low status people typically huddle together whereas high status people prefer more independence / space. There was something about how huddling together was about your not being able to meet your needs yourself so having better chance of getting your needs met if you stick close to others. Higher status people could meet their own needs so they didn't need to huddle with others. The huddly people did more mirroring emotional responses etc.
We are having some sort of 'community' day or week or whatever in this part of the world. So the news etc... Trying to publicise the idea of 'meet your neighbour' or whatever. Apparently health improves when communities are connected. So they are prescribing it like it is good for everyone.
People better not start banging on my door. Sigh.
Am I really such a freak? I don't think so.. So... What is wrong with their view / their research etc.
Or is it just... What is good for populations... Is almost never what is good for me.
?
Posted by alexandra_k on March 26, 2015, at 21:06:48
In reply to Re: i think 'suits' got better, posted by alexandra_k on March 26, 2015, at 21:04:13
I suspect it is more about what they mean by 'connected community'. They are doing something with that...
Something about... Community gardens or playgrounds, or whatever. Safe shared spaces, or something.
Sure, communities are improved for that. Crime might be lower if you know people instead of thinking they are anonymous.
And most people don't have a sense of morality towards strangers and / or ideals. So...
I kind of think... It is easier to rise above a community if one isn't embedded... I mean... Best way to avoid things like becoming a gang banger probably isn't to embed yourself in that community lol.
Most of the population health stuff seems to me to be... Dubious social policy. Dubious social policy, indeed...
Posted by ClearSkies on March 27, 2015, at 15:47:52
In reply to Re: i think 'suits' got better, posted by alexandra_k on March 26, 2015, at 21:06:48
I agree. I feel better with a small (in terms of numbers) social circle. It matters not as much if we actually see each other. I'm not saying I don't need people in my life, but I've learned to be cautious about who I let my guard down with. Some folks are daylight vampires, feeding off of others' lives.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2015, at 20:02:07
In reply to Re: i think 'suits' got better, posted by ClearSkies on March 27, 2015, at 15:47:52
> I agree. I feel better with a small (in terms of numbers) social circle. It matters not as much if we actually see each other. I'm not saying I don't need people in my life, but I've learned to be cautious about who I let my guard down with. Some folks are daylight vampires, feeding off of others' lives.
I think that maybe through life people get better at looking after themselves. Then... Solitude can look like a much better option than much of the 'company' out there...
Posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2015, at 20:45:49
In reply to Re: i think 'suits' got better » ClearSkies, posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2015, at 20:02:07
back to this, again...
i suppose it is important to think about how quickly things have changed. 2nd or 3rd generation immigrants are what many of the white people are around here. and apprarently family size does reduce... much of the large family is coming from very recent pacific island immigration. the mushroom childbearing / raising strategy. throw your seeds / progeny to the wind and see how many survive to look after you...
you have communities who think they might get a doctor. if they have... enough of them. somehow having 13 kids, or whatever, and eventually they'll happen to throw out a good doctor or a lawyer or whatever. and that one will, of course, voluntarily return to the community that dragged them up and look after them. mmm hmm.
and 'equity' considerations... apparently... we should take the best of them. because... apparently they are the ones who are most likely to do it. nobody else is going to, that's for sure. even the ones who are picked to do it... the chances that they will bail... only... you have to work for the government over here on graduation... and looks like there might be a bit of a 'equity people vs the rest of them' when it comes to med school intake... the supposed 'graduate student tsunami' of people they are dragging through... the ones who are supposed to go and work (for free, or just-abouts) in rural communities. as GPs... or as... whatever. mostly managing teams of 'allied health' 'professionals'. because, lets face it, one doesn't need to talk to a doctor to be told that it would be a good idea to get a little exercise, quit smoking, and maybe start growing your own food instead of living off macdonalds.
anyway... i might have a bit of a harder time of it insofar as i don't really get equity considerations in my favor. for some reason... they aren't considering last secondary school attended or whatever with respect to socio-economic. they also aren't considering disability. so... i do have to get better grades than most of the health sci people... probably... hard to say so much discretion around the interview, to be honest. i'll probably be okay... but i guess i do feel...
i'm kinda pissed off that some people spawn as many as they can and they don't even bother to even try just a little bit to look after any of them much of the time... and so they... what? seem to expect that society will raise them in the name of 'equity'? of course it isn't fair to the kids... i guess... that's the thing, really. to realise that the kids... well... how much allegance are they going to feel to people who spawned them? their kids are probably... most probably going to want to do a better job of it... or something... i don't know...
population health... is horrible. i really hate the classes in that that i have. mostly because... they seem to be trying to feed us values more than actual information or tools of critical thinking to help us come to a well reasoned making up of our own mind. e.g., 'butter is bad'. and 'we need to grow our population'. and 'free trade is bad' and so on... it is hard for me to communicate with social science-y stuff when the people don't have first year philosophy (critical reasoning together with logic) behind them. ambiguities and fallacies all over the show... blunt assertion... it's a real mess... but... i suppose it is less time consuming / more possible for me to do okay in than physics turned out to be...
it is horrible because it is so dehumanising. i don't get that from biosci the same way.. the dissection etc. there is some kind of reference for people and aesthetic... but in population health... it sseems really very dehumanising. the value of a life... very utilitarian in the 'sacrifice the individual for the majority'. then them trying to say that equity is somehow consistent since equity is an overall objective out of 'fairness'.
and i get angry...
they let in far too many people into this year. at least 1/3 of them really don't have a hope. i mean... medicine is not something that they would want to do if they even understood what it was about. i mean... people who hate going to class, who think the material is boring, who only go to sit with their friends... people who will happily chat all the way through the lecture... there seems to be this thing of how it isn't hurting anyone to open the doors to more and more and more and more people... only it is. the people who actually want to learn... don't get to because of all the freaking people who don't even know what the crowd is doing they are too busy trying to huddle in the middle of it.
lots of people seem attracted to health because they want to be looked after. there is a big huddle outside starting from about 1/2 an hour before lectures. really young... kids, basically. they sort of... mill about there all day. a big mess of them. screaming out for people to... look after them, i guess.
and the actual people who actually have an actual chance are off in the library or whatever...
but you have to not get killed by the herd...
sigh.
some of the best of them will get into nursing. look after their communities. we tell them that there are jobs in that... only... there aren't. not for people fresh out. they'll end up going home and working for free... looking after their people. at least they'll know to smoke outside etc.
we have been learning about different migration patterns in cell populations in embryos... ICM / trophoblast differentiation... seems that exposure to the outside world inhibits an enzyme which results in a cell producing trophoblasts... and being surrounded by other cells means the enzyme is expressed and cells produce ICM cells...
not exactly population-dependent... but sorta... what you do is sorta determined by what your neighbours are...
and then salt and pepper differentiation that occurs later... some of the cells produce x and some of them produce y and then the x cells all migrate someplace together and the y cells migrate someplace together.
that salt and pepper migration... i think that is what the aim is with equity... that things like... stuff about your parents or... your environment... or whatever... that you are just free to be you and to go where is best for you and to be the best you you can be with people who are good for you.
i think... they don't get so very much salt and pepper out of this year (with respect to grade distribution / equity)... but that is the ideal of it... to give people the opportunity... in some sense of opportunity.
i just... i'm thinking about the netball... i was watching it... they are showing sports in the university gym now - instead of x rated airbrushed music videos by people with no talent... - and it is great. really inspiring. watching the female 7's athletes etc etc... anyway... they have kids at part of it... they slap their hands as they walk out or they hand the ref the ball to start the game, or whatever. it is meant to be inspiring for them etc. and you see... some of the kids are just in heaven... they really really really really really appreciate what a big deal / privaledge it is for them to get to do that... and others of them... just seem dead, somehow. not that into it. don't care. don't really want to be there... so.. what's the point in giving them the opportunity / taking places away from other people who work their *SS OFF and who really erallyr eally really really really really want it... i don't quite get it.
there are lots of kids who... there parents sent them over here to boarding school from the start of high school. we have the cheapest education in the developed world. since we're right at the bottom of the whole developed thing, and all... anyway... a lot has been invested in these kids... i feel a bit sick inside for some of them... some of them don't really want to do med... but some of them really really do. and it does break my heart that some of them won't get to do something that they really want and have really worked very hard for... because some community wants a doctor even though the people in that community keep on spawning them with no care of concern for raising them properly at all.
grr.
i guess... the idea is that the increase in the number of places is supposed to be about that. so... no less places for 'traditional' applicants. though it is probably more common now that people are sending their kids here rather than aussie etc. with the way the economy has gone etc...
i'm just very aware that what is good for populations is often not what is good for me. group work... thus far... given that we are in a noisy group work environment i don't do as well on the individual portion (i can't concentrate on the problems with noisy people). but compared to having a quiet place to do the work myself... vs what the group consensus is... i'm better off working by myself.
they are pushing this whole 'embedded in your community' thing. stuff on news-type programs about getting to know your neighbours etc. the idea is, of course, that people should try and get free help from their community before turning to social services that are expensive for the country. the kids we tell to 'get in there! get in there!' i guess mostly... those are the kids what will likely die if they aren't in there...
then there's the kids hiding round the periphery... shuddering at the masses...
i just... some people seem sort of... happy... to live in a big herd like that. animals all huddled together. they actually seem sort of happy that way. well... then isn't the cost of some of that that you aren't going to throw out one who can design a sewerage system for y'all etc? isn't that just... life? i mean... back... back before the white people came... what were y'all doing? some people want to get back to that... and that is fair enough. give them back the freaking land that ya stole.. help them get back some of those skills they had in looking after it etc.. but if you want to live in a big herd like that... you probably aren't going to pop out one who is at the frontier of western medicine...
but, lets face it, most of them couldn't tell the difference between someone who was... and a nurse near the bottom of their class. so...
groan.
i do feel kinda caught between two worlds... i guess... i had maaori carers from 14-16. when i finally got away from mother... and they helped me get a government benefit to live independently at 16. and... they weren't fabulous... they didn't get me in a whole bunch of ways... but... they really were... good enough. yeah. and so that kinda does make me maaori... sorta. kinda. and most of those kids feel caught... and it's the old people hanging on... for their kids to come back home and look after them. yeah.
it is hard.
i think population health upsets me mostly because... i have such high hopes of it. very high expectations. and then... to see things like a segregated bus service (because the students can suffer overcrowded conditions with less complaining). and i just feel... angry. i think probably many of the very worst injustices of all are done in the name of equity. like how many people are killed in the name of freedom...
sigh.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2015, at 21:09:29
In reply to population vs individuals, posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2015, at 20:45:49
there's this ronnie coleman quote (guy was a bodybuilder) something about how 'everyone wants to be a bodybuilder - but nobody wants to lift no heavy *ss weights'.
and the idea of that... that people SAY they want to be a bodybuilder... but they have an odd view of what it is to be a bodybuilder. they just focus on the superficial thing of physical appearance.
but what it is to be a bodybuilder is to have amazing discipline when it comes to your body... and your mind, too. determination to force your body to do something that every fiber of it screams out against. over and over. to eat far more than one feels like when one is growing it... to eat far less than one feels like when one is cutting for a competiton... lifting weights... is the cornerstone or foundation of it. anyone who says they want to be a bodybuilder but doesn't... want to lift heavy-*ss weights... simply doesn't understand what it is to be a bodybuilder.
or... the case philosophers like 'someone who says that they want to get married... but who repeatedly doesn't get married, despite every opportunity, really does not want to get married'.
____
and so... we have a community. and the community says they want a doctor. they might even pick which kid they want. like how the oldest will be the speaker, or whatever. so the community wants a doctor. does the community want to make sure that the kid has the books for school? does the community want to encourage the kid to read - or just to tell the kid repeatedly that reading is stupid and people who read are stupid? does the community want to give the kid a quiet place to do their homework? the answer to all this is: hells no! the community doesn't know what a doctor is... mmm hmmm...
(there is some sense of someone focused on PERSONS. this seems to be distinctive of medicine... but that's simply... inconsistent... with the whole communalism / sacrifice the individual for the good of the group thing y'all had going before...)
perhaps things will sort themselves out in a few generations...
mostly... population health seems to be... some sort of... (and i really really hate this) 'education' (not really) for those kids who are going to go back to those communities... it's focused on teaching them that if their community had a GP then equity would dictate 10 minute consultations - so they simply can't have the level of GP consultation (for free or cheap) that the rich people have in the city. focus on 'healthcare' which is about allied health. bait and switch for a doctor...
I don't entirely understand the point of GP's... I guess i never really thought of them as luxury services before... But I'm starting to see...
Wouldn't it be great if people who looked after themselves got better healthcare? But equity, again...
I don't entirely understand why we don't face up to the fact that a bunch of people out there seem to... Want to die, really. Rather than keep on. I mean.. . Everyone knows smoking will kill them, now. That's why they smoke duh. Lots of people really are that unhappy...
What are you going to do about that? Maybe we should just not worry about that... Have more kids... Maybe the next lot will be better...
Sigh.
People... Too much of htem... Make me sick... :(
Posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2015, at 21:32:05
In reply to Re: population vs individuals, posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2015, at 21:09:29
Mostly I worry...
That they put equity above all else... In a way that is actually bad for populations.
I mean... There is an awful lot of truly awful socio-biology out there. Some truly horrible social policies. I guess I thought... Things would all be... Sophisticated and advanced... But I'm really not seeing it. I'm seeing a weird kludged together rag bag of socially acceptable cliche's and ambiguous phrasings and indoctrinations and... It makes me feel awful sick.
I worry that they will start to think it is a criterion on this year that they get a salt and pepper grading distribution. So... For the population health paper, in particular, I... Feel like there is some kind of an edge to it where they are sort of... Taking great delight in screwing over the 'traditional' applicants as much as possible and handing out terrific grades to the 'equity kids' (for wont of a better term).
For one of the papers... We have multiple choice tests at the start of the tutorial... Instead of printing them off they display them on overhead projector in a semi sorta darkened room... For 30 seconds... Then the tutor says 'it's been 30 seconds'. Then after 60 seconds the next question is displayed... For a total of 5 questions in 5 minutes...
It seems... Designed to... Upset... Traditional candidates. It is meant to be based on the readings... But it isn't, really. And two of the available options... Are weird...
I've learned it makes no difference to how I'll do on the test whether I do my readings or not. I've learned it makes no difference to how I'll do on the test whether I have selected the answer vs had a guess without having read all the question / available answers.
I bet... I bet that test gives them a salt and pepper distribution.
At what cost?
Doctors who can't read / who believe there isn't anything to be learned from books... Etc...
I worry that we have decided to work towards the lowest common denominator. Instead of giving the shortest people the largest boxes (the picture they like to show us) I feel like they've decided to cut some people off at the knees.
I guess it is easier that way. And I guess it is hard to design a good multiple choice when one never was very good at them / able to distinguish between those two... In fact... One might come out with the idea that distinguishing between those two... Really was genuinely supposed to be random.
Thank god for Biosci and Chem...
Beam me up, Scotty...
Posted by alexandra_k on March 28, 2015, at 16:57:35
In reply to Re: population vs individuals, posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2015, at 21:32:05
When I said about second generation immigrants I meant to say that my grandparents immigrated when they were young, and the white (UK) ancestors of most everyone I knew were similar.
But of course... I'm definitely old enough to have spawned at least one generation... So maybe 3 or 4 generations might be more accurate...
And things are different in different parts of the country. I'm talking about a farming region whereas people arrived earlier for different things (e.g., Otago gold rush).
I f*ck*d up the cell differentiation. Doh! The ones in contact with the zona pellucida / outside express YAP and then tead4 which results in their becoming epithelial / trophoblast cells. The ones not in contact with the shell / the ones surrounded by other cells have inhibited YAP expression and they are (remain? develop into?) inner cell mass cells...
Then... The salt and pepper differentiation was about epiblast vs hypoblast differentiation...
Embroyology is surprisingly cool. Probably because we have this terrific little lady who goes on about sci fi suckers and the like... And makes the whole thing kinda gross / cool for the science geeks. Not sure how you get from radiology to embryology...
Anyway... Biosci is an awesome paper. Mostly taught from the medsci people... I really like the 'traditional' cell / devo biology stuff... Really, a whole heap. Chem is going pretty good too, I think... Have some reactions to memorise (and haven't got up to the second chunk of alcohols etc yet)... But I really like it's logic... Except for naming esters... That sucks and I simply don't get it...
Population health... Only one of the papers matters for med. The other one (the more random one) I only need to worry about maintaining my average (so a B or B+ will be fine). The one that matters... We basically did a bunch of stuff on experimental methodology / epidemiological study / randomised control trials... It is... Surprisingly boring, actually. Anyway...
Posted by alexandra_k on March 28, 2015, at 21:08:40
In reply to Re: population vs individuals, posted by alexandra_k on March 28, 2015, at 16:57:35
oh, it's fine.
i did want to learn more about RCT trials etc etc. and, well, that's what we're doing. i always was going to be cranky about it for political reasons etc.
it is a weird blend of statistics and critical reasoning. i think some more formal critical reasoning / logic would really compliment things quite well... critical reasoning is a pain in the *ss because it sort of describes arguments people actually make... and mostly people are ambiguous etc etc. logic is more prescriptive. it gives you something to aim for. it teaches you to (be able to be) much clearer in your reasoning. then to develop more complex structures in your essays... argument chains... sort of like... how you can string together equations in order to get to wherever it is that you want to go...
anyway...
biosci really is so very much fun. and i am enjoying chemistry, too. i am glad my other papers are lighter because those two really take up quite a lot.
i think i will stick to law next semester, though. i think... i will enjoy it, yeah. and it will be helpful for me to learn some of the more nitty gritty things about law.
i'm trying to get the bus service out to the satellite campus fixed. they are overcrowding us... they seem to think that not only should all the seats be full but all the standing space should be full of standing people, too. the buses have seemed full to me, but they reckon they could have fit another 7-10 people on them...
anyway... it is about complaining loudly, isn't it. because... people simply will try it on until you make them stop. get in there! screw them over! they don't mind! they don't even notice!
sigh.
ugh.
the segregated staff service (mini-van) is an indicator...
i bet all the politicians have private health insurance (that they pay for with their salary that the taxpayers pay for). while they take free flights around the country and limousines...
how is it that they have persuaded people not to mind about this / that? that people see them on the news and...
i guess because there isn't really anything that can be done. i mean... it isn't like the other guy would be doing anything any differently / better.
no matter who you vote in, that guy gets to live in the white house - yeah?
the illusion...
just keep them focused on hollywood and so on... sort of thinking... that it is their own fault...
i don't quite know what to say...
but most people are gross. yeah. salt and pepper... it isn't like most of them would do anything any differently / better...
sometimes i really do think that i am a different species.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 30, 2015, at 21:31:43
In reply to Re: population vs individuals, posted by alexandra_k on March 28, 2015, at 21:08:40
so... the socioeconomic class / status thing is really hard to measure...
but my grandfather (on my mother's side) was a methodist minister. and they had a reasonable sized farm out in the country... with a couple of houses associated for farm hands and their families...
and then he harboured guys who didn't want to fight WWII (general pacifism) and was briefly imprisoned and lost the ministry and became... bitter and resentful at the church and god and so on... and he took to ranting...
which is perhaps slightly familiar. hur...
and so mother (the only girl) got married about a year out of school... to a guy who was a TV repairman... which was fairly skilled, i guess... she said something about how they were the first people to get a tv...
and then... things turned horrible... and eventually... she left him. two girls... two adopted boys... the eldest boy wanted to live with him (and so did) and she took the rest... and went on welfare.
because... uh... because it was a viable option, i guess.
and was disowned for a while... because she was about the first person to get divorced...
i think... my mother's side of the family... our fortunes kind of come and go... just a box of crazy, really.
something something.... i have an uncle who goes about the country... he's very tall and charasmatic and... intense... and sometimes he gets a bit of a following of a community and then they lock him up (he starts thinking he's the son of god and breaking into people's houses and preparing them dinner and then inviting them to come in and sit down on their return and he tries to tell them about giving up materialism in order to commit to a life of good works... till they excuse themselves and manage to phone the police...)
at least...
stuff i sort of piece together. it is hard to know since they're all a box of crazy...
my dad... seemed interested in this lady with the 4 kids... or... 3... i guess only my brother was home when dad and mum got married... the girls had left, i think. soon as they could...
mum said that she didn't think that he had much growing up... some of the stories he would tell about what it was like for him and his sisters...
anyway...
i don't really believe in genetics, or whatever, (too much interbreeding, not enough evolutionary time etc etc etc) but probably... my lot was quite different...
we lived... between two state house / ghetto areas. sort of... elderly people in attached units. so... a little crime, but not too bad... no drug people about... etc... mum calls it a 'mixed area' and i suppose it is fairly mixed lower-middle class... the high school etc... point being... since she was on welfare... we could have done a hell of a lot worse. and the lost of most others was worse.
she picked a north facing house with a concrete floor (hard to explain -- but heating in this part of the world... it made for a relatively warm and dry house)... i always had lots of books about. not just bibles ha. she seemed to know education was important...
something about... relatively early (first marriage) on her father gave her some money and she put it into savings... and learned about compounding interest... and so kept that up... and you can keep money in bonus bonds and it doesn't count as money / investment... but you can draw or... i don't know... i don't follow... but point is... we didn't lack money for anything we really needed... but she was all kinds of crazy stingy about things... and she still is in weird ways... some kind of... obsesive compulsive thing... i'm realising... anyway... somehow she's feeling rich now that she's retired because she actually is richer than she's ever been before...
i don't really understand her... she's a box of crazy. but i think she'll be okay...
she keeps visiting old folks community village type places and gets all excited to visit friends when they go off into homes and stuff... i've told her to spend her money however she wants. if she wants to go here or there then to do it. i really don't expect her to leave me anything. i mean... i feel like... my life is my life fro me to make what i will / can of it. money she's sacrificed and saved for is... her own. and she sort of looks sheepish and says that i didn't get a lot growing up because she was saving... but... whatever. point is... i'd rather she be happy in some unit in a community with a little garden and friendly faces for her to monitor their comings and goings... or... whatever makes her happy. i'd rather that. because... she went without stuff too. anyway... she smiles and says she'll be okay. and... i sort of think... that she will. yeah.
not entirely sure what is to become of me... but i guess i have some sort of faith that i'll probably be okay, too.
my grandfather was one of the first people in his community to go to university. the one i'm at now. he got his masters degree in religious studies. and philosophy. because it was just the one department. i could be wrong abotu this... but i'm fairly sure...
so...
and even me... now... sure... i'm on disability etc but my lot is a lot better than most. i'm very lucky.
they put up this thing today... something about 'health directives'... usual thing about quitting smoking etc. then they said they had the other version (not written by the rich white people) and it had health directives like 'don't be poor. or if you have to be poor, don't be poor for long'. and 'if you are going to be poor make sure you use the time when you are rich to learn to fill out the forms you will need when you are stuck for housing and healthcare etc' and so on...
anyway... i'm not entirely sure what i'm ranting about... maybe just that... things weren't as bad for me as they were for lots of other poor people out there... the huddling ones. and of cousre we thought the solitary vs gregarious locusts were different species because they looked so different with such different morphologies and behaviours and... developmental. turned out to be.
anyway... time to go study...
Posted by alexandra_k on March 30, 2015, at 21:32:50
In reply to Re: realisation..., posted by alexandra_k on March 30, 2015, at 21:31:43
maybe it wasn't ww2... maybe it was vietnam. i don't know... my maths doesn't work...
Posted by alexandra_k on April 2, 2015, at 14:28:13
In reply to Re: realisation..., posted by alexandra_k on March 30, 2015, at 21:32:50
we had our first test. population health. it was... uh... thematically arranged to be about the content they taught us about hanging epidemiological studies on a frame... but it was basically... testing out ability to hold a bunch of stuff in working memory and to move on from garble and... stuff... a cognitive capacity / attention / working memory kind of a more general intelligence test, really. more like what the UMAT is getting at...
i think i sort of get what they are getting at / wanting from me. which is a relief. i feel very relieved to feel like i have discovered that things aren't random. i feel happier to feel that there is some kind of sense in things... but i'm not sure that i'm any good / capable of being any good at the things they are wanting from me. i'm used to having the cognitive resources to range / associate a bit. that's how i get to be creative... and they eliminated redundancies in the phrasing so i couldn't take micronaps... or something... not entirely sure. you would think i could voluntarily control my reading speed to go at whatever pace i needed... huh.
there were distracting things, too. lots of distracting things... like, uh, how my mind is captured by missing words / typos. i guess... the thing is... it's okay to notice. good to notice. useful to notice. but then you need to be capable of choosing to put that information to one side and carry on. there were lots of... dissonant distractors. upsetting things... that weren't relevant for answering the question i'd been asked. like... the papers were yellow but population health is blue (to me) and so on. of course i do know that some things are arbitrary / random... i only just now realise that it is important not to get hung up on things like that. to be able to respond flexibly. yeah.
it is very different from when you get to write your own question / change your question and you find you have answered something slightly different (like a thesis) etc. hur..
i'm not entirely sure i should have told the umat people about their missing word, now. i bet they got a giggle out of it. damn it. i wonder if i'll get a different freaking version of the test.
Posted by ClearSkies on April 2, 2015, at 20:37:26
In reply to Re: realisation..., posted by alexandra_k on April 2, 2015, at 14:28:13
>
> i'm not entirely sure i should have told the umat people about their missing word, now. i bet they got a giggle out of it. damn it. i wonder if i'll get a different freaking version of the test.
Gaack!
No, they wouldn't.
say, spring in Spokane, Washington is really pretty. There will be a lilac Festival soon.
Posted by alexandra_k on April 3, 2015, at 1:23:29
In reply to Re: realisation..., posted by ClearSkies on April 2, 2015, at 20:37:26
> No, they wouldn't.
oh... they might.
i don't suppose i mind, actually. i think... i'm starting to... trust them. or something. the year started... that sort of tech way... but it has progressed and the dynamic has shifted... there is an edge...
they do invest a lot of resources in training doctors. and they want to try and get the people who are the best suited to it. there has been some stuff... about doing what makes you happy... what you are good at... where you fit. about the different role of different players etc. and people do naturally resonate with different ones. hierarchy and money aside... different people resonate differently. i think they are trying to get people to do what they naturally fit with. whatever that is. because otherwise... people won't be happy / be as productive as they could potentially be.
i think i am going to be okay. but i have to work on remaining calm and thinking flexibly. taking what is important that i've learned - but being responsive to incoming. not getting distracted by things that don't matter for the task. not getting upset by typos etc.
> say, spring in Spokane, Washington is really pretty. There will be a lilac Festival soon.
Nice. You are still doing well? Happy?
It has been really warm here. I've been swimming... Really enjoying that, actually. And walking through the forest / bush part of the park. I'm going to bike along the harbour tomorrow, if it is fine. I think the weather will turn wintery here this weekend... Used to reliably get the first frost easter weekend from where I grew up (couple hours south). Weather will turn soon...
Posted by ClearSkies on April 3, 2015, at 12:53:28
In reply to Re: realisation..., posted by alexandra_k on April 3, 2015, at 1:23:29
I am doing well. The bumps are minor. Having a spot of trouble finding the right psychiatrist, but my therapist here is helping find the right fit. Went through a bad patch while moving my furniture cross country and ran out of a prescription due to my poor time management. I'd never experienced cold turkey benzo withdrawal, and was horrified and embarrassed at the same time. Back at my regular dosing schedule, but it took days for my body to readjust.
And unfortunately the divorce process is ending up in court before a judge, because a settlement couldn't be reached (he kept walking out of negotiations). The law is the law, though; even if it takes the cost of court time and lawyers, I wasn't about to be intimidated a minute longer.
I see quite a bit of my uncle, which is nice after so many years. His short term memory loss from a atroke last year frustrates him but he manages pretty well. He relies on others to take him to appointments, etc.
I am so very glad I am here.
Posted by alexandra_k on April 4, 2015, at 2:33:54
In reply to Re: realisation..., posted by ClearSkies on April 3, 2015, at 12:53:28
I'm glad you are here, too :-)
And I'm glad we are both in a better place.
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