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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 18:33:32
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 18:02:33
>
>
> "Encourage one another and build each other up."
> - 1 Thessalonians 5:11
I suppose we can ask WWJD.
Posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 18:40:18
In reply to Re: FYI » 10derheart, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 18:33:32
>I suppose we can ask WWJD.Encourage each other and build each other up?
Posted by gardenergirl on November 16, 2010, at 18:44:53
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by SLS on November 16, 2010, at 18:31:51
> > Correct this.
>
> Any suggestions?
>
> I have none at the moment.I think that Bob has limited power as to what goes on behind the scenes. True, he can view babblemails, but only ones that are sent to him with header info (or whatever the signature code or something or other) included. So behavior can occur that is against site guidelines without sanction if it is never reported to him.
>
> I refused to be sucked into the drama.That may be the best action to stop any gossiping behavior. Just don't participate; set a good example with this; don't reinforce the behavior, etc.
As a general comment, not one directed at or to anyone here, I have encountered folks in my lifetime who seem to "thrive" on gossip. It's like it's a source of energy or vitality for them. If we fail to engage in this behavior with such persons, we take away their power. I actually feel sort of sad when I think about someone who gains so much from gossip, because I get the impression that they are striving for something, maybe esteem, that they aren't getting elsewhere in life. And I believe we all are worthy of esteem, at the very least, self-esteem. So I feel sad about it.
There's my four cents. Inflation and all... ;)
gg
Posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 18:55:37
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:16:15
You are exactly right.
Posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 18:56:52
In reply to Re: FYI » fayeroe, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:39:30
What is the most effective way to resolve this issue then? To ignore it? Yeah, that will work, until the next time.
Posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 18:58:08
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 18:02:33
Yes, but when one does the opposite what do you do?
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 19:33:44
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 18:56:52
Forward uncivil babblemails to Dr. Bob.
Have you gotten any? Did you forward them to Dr. Bob?
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 19:37:04
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 18:56:52
Gardenergirl's suggestion was also a good one.
Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 19:57:14
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by gardenergirl on November 16, 2010, at 18:44:53
> > > Correct this.
> >
> > Any suggestions?
> >
> > I have none at the moment.
>
> I think that Bob has limited power as to what goes on behind the scenes. True, he can view babblemails, but only ones that are sent to him with header info (or whatever the signature code or something or other) included. So behavior can occur that is against site guidelines without sanction if it is never reported to him.
> >
> > I refused to be sucked into the drama.
>
> That may be the best action to stop any gossiping behavior. Just don't participate; set a good example with this; don't reinforce the behavior, etc.I agree with you that not participating is the best thing to do when someone who gossips approaches you. But if a poster is new and does not know that the other poster is bringing "stories" and spreading rumors, (made up by gossiping poster) they may find themselves in a huge mess that turns out to be very confusing and hurtful.
Then there is the sort of gossip that Scott referred to..the "someone told me that you don't like me" junk. This is a mental health forum and naturally there are people here who have low self-esteem and they will be hurt if they think someone dislikes them.
>
> As a general comment, not one directed at or to anyone here, I have encountered folks in my lifetime who seem to "thrive" on gossip. It's like it's a source of energy or vitality for them. If we fail to engage in this behavior with such persons, we take away their power. I actually feel sort of sad when I think about someone who gains so much from gossip, because I get the impression that they are striving for something, maybe esteem, that they aren't getting elsewhere in life. And I believe we all are worthy of esteem, at the very least, self-esteem. So I feel sad about it.I agree with you. I feel sad for a gossiper but I feel just as sad for the victim. More so, actually. The victim doesn't ask to be involved. It is like "you can't pick your family". I believe that some posters feel that Babble is their family..their life. When a "family member" tells them something that eventually hurts them, what do they do?
>
> There's my four cents. Inflation and all... ;)
>
> gg
>
>
Posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 20:00:24
In reply to Re: FYI » johnj1, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 19:33:44
I have. But people don't intimidate me because I don't put up with their BS. It is not hard for me being male to tell someone to piss off.
However, some people are in states that gossip and threats, especially when it is a male towards a female, scares them and can cause a lot of angst. I despise this type of person. Anyone, in my book, that threatens or degrades a woman, is a coward. Then throw in a woman relaying these messages and I find it appalling.
We have been down this path many many times before and it seems a poster continues this behavior. Maybe it is a game and maybe it makes them feel good doing it but I cannot not say anything just to preserve the peace. Dr. Bob may consider my posts uncivil, I really don't know. But I find the "behind the scenes" stuff much more serious and uncivil because it is sometines malicious (as in what SLS described).
Posted by gardenergirl on November 16, 2010, at 20:32:28
In reply to Re: FYI » gardenergirl, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 19:57:14
Posted by Maxime on November 17, 2010, at 0:25:19
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 20:00:24
Thank you to those who are fighting for me, and the "problem" I more than appreciate it. But if any of you get blocked for doing so ... I will lose it and get blocked myself. It would mean that once again she wins. I DON'T want that to happen. But the reality is that it happens all the time in these situations. Because we all know that this is not the first time and probably won't be the last.
I feel both sad, angry, and scared about the situation. I still expect a nasty Babble Mail from her husband. I am paranoid. Because he could go to a library and register with PB and then Babble Mail away.
I feel sad and angry that one member could cause such discontent among other members. I feel like it's PBs version Lord of the Flies. And Piggy is not represented by one member alone, but by all members who have fallen victim to Phillipa's gossip etc.
Posted by SLS on November 17, 2010, at 7:32:19
In reply to Re: FYI » gardenergirl, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 19:57:14
> This is a mental health forum and naturally there are people here who have low self-esteem and they will be hurt if they think someone dislikes them.
>
> ...I have encountered folks in my lifetime who seem to "thrive" on gossip. It's like it's a source of energy or vitality for them.
>
> I actually feel sort of sad when I think about someone who gains so much from gossip, because I get the impression that they are striving for something, maybe esteem, that they aren't getting elsewhere in life. And I believe we all are worthy of esteem, at the very least, self-esteem. So I feel sad about it.You are right. It is sad. I like your ability to exercise compassion and understanding for all the people involved in such a harmful array of gossip behaviors. I guess everyone involved gets hurt here. Unfortunately, many names become included, unwittingly and unwillingly. They don't wish to be a participant, yet they become subject to conditions that were chosen by others and that are beyond the subject's control.
At this point in the thread, the name of a protagonist has been offerred. I don't know how that will influence future behaviors. Hopefully, this thread will allow the people who drive or participate in the gossip to become cognizant of the way their behaviors affect others adversely, despite not wanting to harm anyone.
Perhaps this will be a learning experience for everyone.
- Scott
Posted by Dinah on November 17, 2010, at 8:16:18
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by SLS on November 17, 2010, at 7:32:19
It certainly has been for me.
Posted by hyperfocus on November 17, 2010, at 8:41:54
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by SLS on November 17, 2010, at 7:32:19
like Laney from Mad Men would say. The ironic thing about this thread is that you all are doing to Phillipa what you accuse her of doing. Yes, it hurts when you think people are gossiping about you, but it also hurts when people gang up and talk about you and say hurtful things about you as if you're not there.
I'm not trying to take sides here, or dismiss the action under question. I'm just saying we all have faults and make errors in judgment. I think all of the people in this thread are good people but this public chastisement of Phillipa is not right. If someone was new to this site and had to judge this place by some of the comments made in this thread, what would they think?
Whatever you accuse Phillipa of, you have to understand that every community has its own mode of communication. On Facebook, from what I know, the mode of communication is different from PB. There's a reasons tens of millions of teenagers are glued to FB every hour of the day, and not to PB. FB has built a billion-dollar company on, basically, people saying things about other people. This is a really horrible metaphor but I think of PB like a greenhouse of potted plants, while Facebook is like a massive Amazon rain forest.
The lesson here, to me, is that things that are said casually on FB and elsewhere may carry a huge amount of weight and significance here and may indeed hurt someone badly. Posters should be aware of the differences between PB and elsewhere on the net and think carefully about what they say here. It's a mistake in judgment not to understand these differences, but it doesn't deserve this kind of public scourging. We are all vulnerable here, Phillipa included.
> I actually feel sort of sad when I think about someone who gains so much from gossip, because I get the impression that they are striving for something, maybe esteem, that they aren't getting elsewhere in life. And I believe we all are worthy of esteem, at the very least, self-esteem. So I feel sad about it.
Yeah well I feel sad that in a place where vulnerable people come for support they have to read something like this.
Posted by Dinah on November 17, 2010, at 8:44:36
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by Dinah on November 17, 2010, at 8:16:18
I cannot bear to be here any longer.
I hurt so much for Phillipa. I hurt so much I am shaking and crying. Of course, I no longer self injure, so perhaps my pain and Phillipa's pain are of no concern to anyone.
I can't imagine what anyone could say behind the scenes that could hurt more than this very public thread.
I can't imagine that a threat of any babblemail could be worse than the reality of this. What on earth could Phillipa's husband do? Say nasty things? Start a thread to shame Maxime? Moreover *he* didn't do it. And there is always the choice of forwarding any babblemail to Dr. Bob without even reading it. No one need be assaulted by words in a Babblemail if it is expected. There is always the choice to delete a babblemail unopened if it is from someone you don't wish to hear from. If it is suspected to contain uncivil material, it can be forwarded to Dr. Bob with headers without being read.
Has Phillipa's babblemail even been forwarded to Dr. Bob?
I don't wish to be at Babble if this is considered an ok thing to do. I became a deputy because I could not bear to see these things. If I can do nothing to stop it, I cannot be here. It hurts. It feels like middle school all over again. Those people too believed they had reason to try and humiliate me. Of course, they could not. Their actions reflect on them, not on me.
Phillipa, the actions of those on this thread say a lot about them, and only tangentially anything about you. This thread might have been something that was justified against Hitler. You aren't Hitler.
(Lord of the Flies is generally used to refer to the actions of a group of those who reject the mediating role of civilization over the savagery of human nature. Not to refer to a single gossip. If there can even be a single gossip.)
Posted by Dinah on November 17, 2010, at 8:47:40
In reply to Re: Could we stop the flogging now, posted by hyperfocus on November 17, 2010, at 8:41:54
Thank you for saying what I wanted to say, but with greater clarity.
Posted by johnj1 on November 17, 2010, at 10:19:59
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by Dinah on November 17, 2010, at 8:44:36
Hitler? I do believe Hitler said and did things much worse don't you? This isn't even minutely close to that.
Posted by johnj1 on November 17, 2010, at 10:27:29
In reply to Re: Could we stop the flogging now, posted by hyperfocus on November 17, 2010, at 8:41:54
No, what is being said is not the same thing as what was done. Nobody here did any type of threatening. Do you not see that? What is worse? To tell someone directly that the behavior is not acceptable or pretend it didn't happen and continue to let gossip reign? I don't follow your logic. People here are stating what has occurred and how the situation is something that Dr. Bob should not tolerate as they are concerned.
Posted by johnj1 on November 17, 2010, at 10:34:20
In reply to Re: Could we stop the flogging now, posted by hyperfocus on November 17, 2010, at 8:41:54
I would welcome Phillipa to explain herself but what happens every time this occurs she deflects blame and does not address the problem.
I would like her to explain why she uses babblemail to gossip and say the things she does. This is better in the open don't you think?
Posted by hyperfocus on November 17, 2010, at 10:52:21
In reply to Re: Could we stop the flogging now » hyperfocus, posted by johnj1 on November 17, 2010, at 10:27:29
Not specifically your posts johnj1; it just seemed to me that when you aggregate all the things that were said in this thread, it comes awfully close to bullying. A lot of unnecessary stuff was said, including threats to ostracize Phillipa. That stuff can be pretty hurtful.
>People here are stating what has occurred and how the situation is something that Dr. Bob should not tolerate as they are concerned.
I agree with you that this is what should happen. Somehow this thread turned into something else. We're all human and we all make mistakes. I think there should be a clear line between something someone does and their character. If Phillip made a mistake in judgment then that's one thing; what I'm saying is personal attacks should never happen here. I try to see the good in people because that's how I hope to be treated by them.Phillipa took it upon herself to marshal a PB tribute for ASV - that's a pretty generous and caring action to me. I haven't personally contributed 1/100 of what Phillipa has given to PB.
Posted by hyperfocus on November 17, 2010, at 10:58:57
In reply to Re: Could we stop the flogging now » hyperfocus, posted by johnj1 on November 17, 2010, at 10:34:20
> I would welcome Phillipa to explain herself but what happens every time this occurs she deflects blame and does not address the problem.
>
> I would like her to explain why she uses babblemail to gossip and say the things she does. This is better in the open don't you think?Yes if it is happening then it is better in the open. I just want people to understand that posting on Facebook and ordinary email is very different from posting here and on babblemail and it's not unexpected that somebody might not discern the differences. There's stuff that I might say to people on FB everyday that would get me banned for 52 weeks here. So I guess asking people to account for their actions here has to be handled differently also, because we're all vulnerable here.
Posted by johnj1 on November 17, 2010, at 11:48:50
In reply to Re: Could we stop the flogging now » johnj1, posted by hyperfocus on November 17, 2010, at 10:52:21
Fair enough. I understand your point. The intention was to call to Dr. Bob's attention these things that are happening and the repeated times this has occurred. Whether it be intimidation or threats they should not be tolerated. It is hard to determine whether this thread is "uncivil" or not. Some see it has as such maybe and some are exasperated at the times this gossip has occurred and it's intent.
Posted by 10derheart on November 17, 2010, at 11:49:09
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by johnj1 on November 17, 2010, at 10:19:59
Uhh....I thought that was *precisely* Dinah's point.
Posted by 10derheart on November 17, 2010, at 11:54:25
In reply to Re: Could we stop the flogging now » hyperfocus, posted by johnj1 on November 17, 2010, at 11:48:50
>It is hard to determine whether this thread is "uncivil" or not.
I don't think it's hard to determine. No, I don't think so at all. If I were still part of the admin here I would be very busy with posts on this thread.
Accused and put down - that is the standard.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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