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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 41 to 65 of 102. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:09:40
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 15:18:28
As a pragmatist, I feel moved to ask...
Does it seem possible that a thread like this might arouse sympathy in a direction other than what is intended? No matter what the reason, is this the best way to achieve your goals?
I know when I read posts, I hear more information about the poster than the subject of the posts.
As I said before, if someone receives an uncivil babblemail, it should be forwarded to Dr. Bob. No one can assume that because they write a babblemail they are safe to say anything. It says right on the babblemail that the civility rules apply. I try never to write any babblemail that I would mind having Dr. Bob review, because I realize that it can be forwarded to him. I would advise everyone to follow that rule.
I have really nothing more to say on the the topic. People will make their own choices to post according to their own values, and their willingness to live with the consequences.
Posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 17:14:16
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 9:08:43
>>Dr. Bob *will* be around sooner or later. If the posters on this thread feel that having their say is worth any consequences that follow, that's their decision to make. But I hope that when consequences do follow, neither Dr. Bob nor any other poster will be considered to blame.
Precisely.
>>What any other poster does is their responsibility. What each of us does in response is our *own* responsibility.
Exactly.
Thanks, Dinah. I feel sad and dismayed reading this thread. I have asked Dr. Bob to look at it.
Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:16:15
In reply to Re: FYI » fayeroe, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:09:40
> As a pragmatist, I feel moved to ask...
>
> Does it seem possible that a thread like this might arouse sympathy in a direction other than what is intended? No matter what the reason, is this the best way to achieve your goals?
>
> I know when I read posts, I hear more information about the poster than the subject of the posts.
>
> As I said before, if someone receives an uncivil babblemail, it should be forwarded to Dr. Bob. No one can assume that because they write a babblemail they are safe to say anything. It says right on the babblemail that the civility rules apply. I try never to write any babblemail that I would mind having Dr. Bob review, because I realize that it can be forwarded to him. I would advise everyone to follow that rule.
>
> I have really nothing more to say on the the topic. People will make their own choices to post according to their own values, and their willingness to live with the consequences.As a realist, I am asking you if you are refusing to answer the question about the "behind the scenes" babblemail controversy? Why can't you answer a simple question? Do you remember this happening before with babblemails?
I really am not in this to make sure anyone gets any sympathy. I could care less about sympathy. I am in this for what is right.
Correct this. It has been going on for years. This is why I am in this.
It is wrong.
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:39:30
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:16:15
I also am concerned with what is right.
I've been the subject of attention like this. I think many of us have.
I don't see how this is the best way or the most effective way to resolve any issue.
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:42:42
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 17:14:16
I felt the same way.
I just don't understand people sometimes.
Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:53:35
In reply to Re: FYI » fayeroe, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:39:30
> I also am concerned with what is right.
>
> I've been the subject of attention like this. I think many of us have.
>
> I don't see how this is the best way or the most effective way to resolve any issue.Nothing has been done so far that has put a stop to it. Would you agree with me?
There is an 800 lb elephant in the room and it has been ignored for years.
I don't think anyone is going to make this up. Proof is in their babblemails. Would you call the posters liars?
For the record, I don't dislike Bob.I don't know Bob. I dislike the behavior.
>
Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:55:00
In reply to Re: FYI » 10derheart, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:42:42
> I felt the same way.
>
> I just don't understand people sometimes.Neither do I.
>
>
Posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 18:02:33
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:16:15
"Encourage one another and build each other up."
- 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 18:16:14
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:53:35
> I don't think anyone is going to make this up. Proof is in their babblemails. Would you call the posters liars?
I'm not sure why you're asking this of me. I didn't intend anything I said to suggest that anyone was lying or making things up, and I'm not sure what you interpreted to mean that.
Posted by SLS on November 16, 2010, at 18:31:51
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:16:15
> Correct this.
Any suggestions?
I have none at the moment.
I really haven't given it much thought. I think I understand why it is unsettling to imagine what is going on "behind the scenes". I was recently approached by a poster who wanted to know if it was true that I disliked them. I was told that a third party had suggested the idea. I refused to be sucked into the drama. However, I was disgusted by the whole thing. I lost quite a bit of respect for the questioning poster. I can't imagine what else is going on behind the scenes. For some of us, it may be our imaginations that leave us thinking the worst. I guess it is a survival mechanism. It is safer to prepare for the worst than it is to assume the best.
I really don't give a damn what either of these two gossipers think of me. However, I do worry about what may be the untoward consequences of their present and future behaviors as they may eventually intrude in my life.
You never know.
Yuck.
- Scott
Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 18:33:32
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 18:02:33
>
>
> "Encourage one another and build each other up."
> - 1 Thessalonians 5:11
I suppose we can ask WWJD.
Posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 18:40:18
In reply to Re: FYI » 10derheart, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 18:33:32
>I suppose we can ask WWJD.Encourage each other and build each other up?
Posted by gardenergirl on November 16, 2010, at 18:44:53
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by SLS on November 16, 2010, at 18:31:51
> > Correct this.
>
> Any suggestions?
>
> I have none at the moment.I think that Bob has limited power as to what goes on behind the scenes. True, he can view babblemails, but only ones that are sent to him with header info (or whatever the signature code or something or other) included. So behavior can occur that is against site guidelines without sanction if it is never reported to him.
>
> I refused to be sucked into the drama.That may be the best action to stop any gossiping behavior. Just don't participate; set a good example with this; don't reinforce the behavior, etc.
As a general comment, not one directed at or to anyone here, I have encountered folks in my lifetime who seem to "thrive" on gossip. It's like it's a source of energy or vitality for them. If we fail to engage in this behavior with such persons, we take away their power. I actually feel sort of sad when I think about someone who gains so much from gossip, because I get the impression that they are striving for something, maybe esteem, that they aren't getting elsewhere in life. And I believe we all are worthy of esteem, at the very least, self-esteem. So I feel sad about it.
There's my four cents. Inflation and all... ;)
gg
Posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 18:55:37
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 17:16:15
You are exactly right.
Posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 18:56:52
In reply to Re: FYI » fayeroe, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 17:39:30
What is the most effective way to resolve this issue then? To ignore it? Yeah, that will work, until the next time.
Posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 18:58:08
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by 10derheart on November 16, 2010, at 18:02:33
Yes, but when one does the opposite what do you do?
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 19:33:44
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 18:56:52
Forward uncivil babblemails to Dr. Bob.
Have you gotten any? Did you forward them to Dr. Bob?
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 19:37:04
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 18:56:52
Gardenergirl's suggestion was also a good one.
Posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 19:57:14
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by gardenergirl on November 16, 2010, at 18:44:53
> > > Correct this.
> >
> > Any suggestions?
> >
> > I have none at the moment.
>
> I think that Bob has limited power as to what goes on behind the scenes. True, he can view babblemails, but only ones that are sent to him with header info (or whatever the signature code or something or other) included. So behavior can occur that is against site guidelines without sanction if it is never reported to him.
> >
> > I refused to be sucked into the drama.
>
> That may be the best action to stop any gossiping behavior. Just don't participate; set a good example with this; don't reinforce the behavior, etc.I agree with you that not participating is the best thing to do when someone who gossips approaches you. But if a poster is new and does not know that the other poster is bringing "stories" and spreading rumors, (made up by gossiping poster) they may find themselves in a huge mess that turns out to be very confusing and hurtful.
Then there is the sort of gossip that Scott referred to..the "someone told me that you don't like me" junk. This is a mental health forum and naturally there are people here who have low self-esteem and they will be hurt if they think someone dislikes them.
>
> As a general comment, not one directed at or to anyone here, I have encountered folks in my lifetime who seem to "thrive" on gossip. It's like it's a source of energy or vitality for them. If we fail to engage in this behavior with such persons, we take away their power. I actually feel sort of sad when I think about someone who gains so much from gossip, because I get the impression that they are striving for something, maybe esteem, that they aren't getting elsewhere in life. And I believe we all are worthy of esteem, at the very least, self-esteem. So I feel sad about it.I agree with you. I feel sad for a gossiper but I feel just as sad for the victim. More so, actually. The victim doesn't ask to be involved. It is like "you can't pick your family". I believe that some posters feel that Babble is their family..their life. When a "family member" tells them something that eventually hurts them, what do they do?
>
> There's my four cents. Inflation and all... ;)
>
> gg
>
>
Posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 20:00:24
In reply to Re: FYI » johnj1, posted by Dinah on November 16, 2010, at 19:33:44
I have. But people don't intimidate me because I don't put up with their BS. It is not hard for me being male to tell someone to piss off.
However, some people are in states that gossip and threats, especially when it is a male towards a female, scares them and can cause a lot of angst. I despise this type of person. Anyone, in my book, that threatens or degrades a woman, is a coward. Then throw in a woman relaying these messages and I find it appalling.
We have been down this path many many times before and it seems a poster continues this behavior. Maybe it is a game and maybe it makes them feel good doing it but I cannot not say anything just to preserve the peace. Dr. Bob may consider my posts uncivil, I really don't know. But I find the "behind the scenes" stuff much more serious and uncivil because it is sometines malicious (as in what SLS described).
Posted by gardenergirl on November 16, 2010, at 20:32:28
In reply to Re: FYI » gardenergirl, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 19:57:14
Posted by Maxime on November 17, 2010, at 0:25:19
In reply to Re: FYI » Dinah, posted by johnj1 on November 16, 2010, at 20:00:24
Thank you to those who are fighting for me, and the "problem" I more than appreciate it. But if any of you get blocked for doing so ... I will lose it and get blocked myself. It would mean that once again she wins. I DON'T want that to happen. But the reality is that it happens all the time in these situations. Because we all know that this is not the first time and probably won't be the last.
I feel both sad, angry, and scared about the situation. I still expect a nasty Babble Mail from her husband. I am paranoid. Because he could go to a library and register with PB and then Babble Mail away.
I feel sad and angry that one member could cause such discontent among other members. I feel like it's PBs version Lord of the Flies. And Piggy is not represented by one member alone, but by all members who have fallen victim to Phillipa's gossip etc.
Posted by SLS on November 17, 2010, at 7:32:19
In reply to Re: FYI » gardenergirl, posted by fayeroe on November 16, 2010, at 19:57:14
> This is a mental health forum and naturally there are people here who have low self-esteem and they will be hurt if they think someone dislikes them.
>
> ...I have encountered folks in my lifetime who seem to "thrive" on gossip. It's like it's a source of energy or vitality for them.
>
> I actually feel sort of sad when I think about someone who gains so much from gossip, because I get the impression that they are striving for something, maybe esteem, that they aren't getting elsewhere in life. And I believe we all are worthy of esteem, at the very least, self-esteem. So I feel sad about it.You are right. It is sad. I like your ability to exercise compassion and understanding for all the people involved in such a harmful array of gossip behaviors. I guess everyone involved gets hurt here. Unfortunately, many names become included, unwittingly and unwillingly. They don't wish to be a participant, yet they become subject to conditions that were chosen by others and that are beyond the subject's control.
At this point in the thread, the name of a protagonist has been offerred. I don't know how that will influence future behaviors. Hopefully, this thread will allow the people who drive or participate in the gossip to become cognizant of the way their behaviors affect others adversely, despite not wanting to harm anyone.
Perhaps this will be a learning experience for everyone.
- Scott
Posted by Dinah on November 17, 2010, at 8:16:18
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by SLS on November 17, 2010, at 7:32:19
It certainly has been for me.
Posted by hyperfocus on November 17, 2010, at 8:41:54
In reply to Re: FYI, posted by SLS on November 17, 2010, at 7:32:19
like Laney from Mad Men would say. The ironic thing about this thread is that you all are doing to Phillipa what you accuse her of doing. Yes, it hurts when you think people are gossiping about you, but it also hurts when people gang up and talk about you and say hurtful things about you as if you're not there.
I'm not trying to take sides here, or dismiss the action under question. I'm just saying we all have faults and make errors in judgment. I think all of the people in this thread are good people but this public chastisement of Phillipa is not right. If someone was new to this site and had to judge this place by some of the comments made in this thread, what would they think?
Whatever you accuse Phillipa of, you have to understand that every community has its own mode of communication. On Facebook, from what I know, the mode of communication is different from PB. There's a reasons tens of millions of teenagers are glued to FB every hour of the day, and not to PB. FB has built a billion-dollar company on, basically, people saying things about other people. This is a really horrible metaphor but I think of PB like a greenhouse of potted plants, while Facebook is like a massive Amazon rain forest.
The lesson here, to me, is that things that are said casually on FB and elsewhere may carry a huge amount of weight and significance here and may indeed hurt someone badly. Posters should be aware of the differences between PB and elsewhere on the net and think carefully about what they say here. It's a mistake in judgment not to understand these differences, but it doesn't deserve this kind of public scourging. We are all vulnerable here, Phillipa included.
> I actually feel sort of sad when I think about someone who gains so much from gossip, because I get the impression that they are striving for something, maybe esteem, that they aren't getting elsewhere in life. And I believe we all are worthy of esteem, at the very least, self-esteem. So I feel sad about it.
Yeah well I feel sad that in a place where vulnerable people come for support they have to read something like this.
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