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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on August 26, 2007, at 20:09:10
I got my 'physical' this week at my doctor's, and after going to the lab to get all my bloodwork and pee sample done, I am left feeling like I am in a hopeless case. I thought that might be the best way for me to die, of some kind of terminal illness. I am losing hope in ever having my own kids (after losing one...that f***ing SUCKS..the biggest understatement ). Almost 6 times in a row now, I've started a bit of a relationship with women on the online dating places, only to find out she never wants to have kids (or no MORE then already have) and marriage is some kind of hideous thing to them.
No, I don't think the only reason we are here is to pro-create, or get married or whatever. I am just thinking of paying a woman to conceive a child with, and just raise the child on my own. No....I want somebody to romantically love and be loved as well...but I guess THAT is asking too much! What's the point of carrying on? Everybody else are having their families and such... f*ck f*ck f*ck.
There are so many *ssholes out there who are fathers, who treat their kids like crap as well as their spouse. I KNOW I would make an excellent father..and even though I may be more agnostic now then ever, I still cling to hope, love, and the future. Maybe that is Faith...I don't know. Now I am supposed to phone this woman who is like the above...no to marriage...and no to kids. I'm not going to bother. So now all of a sudden, I am this 'horrible' person.jay
Posted by Phillipa on August 26, 2007, at 20:42:32
In reply to The future of a 37 year old Loser.(warning.trigger, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on August 26, 2007, at 20:09:10
Jay maybe some are like my youngest Daughter. Her ex married one year she found out was taking a lot of drug illegal so she divorced. Now she has a good job managing a bath and body works and getting her self-esteem back. She's always wanted children changed her mind with the divorce. But with a loving man she will want children again she's 33. I think a lot of women may have been burned by men doesn't mean they won't change their mind if the right person comes along. So maybe even this woman you're discussing may be the same. Don't give up so quickly. Phillipa
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on August 26, 2007, at 21:14:17
In reply to Re: The future of a 37 year old Loser.(warning.trigger » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Phillipa on August 26, 2007, at 20:42:32
Thanks Phillipa. The problem stems a bit from my age, to, though. (And the ages of the women I met) Most women where between 37-42. I understand their concerns about having a baby at this age, but there are some different scientifically valid points of view. For many, it's like "I had my marriage...had my kids...that's enough." Maybe those type of women are the ones I should stay away from. I dunno...I just feel like I missed the boat on these things. **Failure**
:-(
Posted by Racer on August 26, 2007, at 21:38:03
In reply to Re: The future of a 37 year old Loserwarning.trigger » Phillipa, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on August 26, 2007, at 21:14:17
I always wanted children. More than you can know.
After several years of fertility treatments, it's all over. No children for me. You've still got a chance: you're not the one whose body will be rejecting embryos. You're not the one whose reproductive capacity ends entirely in middle age.
Sorry -- I'm older than you are, have failed by nearly any standards you care to apply, and cannot have the one thing which I've always wanted more than anything.
I realize you're having trouble here, but two comments from a woman who was single into her thirties:
1. If you think it's not going to go anywhere, it won't. If you think there are no women out there for you, there aren't. Self-fulfilling prophecy, you know?
2. It could be that the women you're meeting really don't want marriage or children. It could also be that you're asking too early on. For one thing, as women approach 40, a lot of us have figured there won't be a chance to have children -- so we'd better tell people we didn't want them. In the upper end of the range you're describing, you'll come across women like me: it doesn't matter what we want.
2.a A lot of women fear being seen as grasping for any eligible man, and may say we're not interested in marriage in order to get a second date, or a chance at an actual relationship without chasing potential men away. You're assuming those women are telling the whole truth.
Good luck, Jay. You're entering into middle age, yes, but there's a lot of time ahead when your wishes might still come true. I hope they do.
Posted by Phillipa on August 26, 2007, at 21:50:13
In reply to Re: The future of a 37 year old Loserwarning.trigger » Phillipa, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on August 26, 2007, at 21:14:17
Ah Jay I see your point so many factors at play the second time round with kids. I know when I married my second husband at 38 I'd had my tubed tied at age 27 as had three healthy kids. My OB-GYN said want them untied? I said absolutley not been there done that and I have three healthy kids. And then their is the risk of birth defects as age goes up. My oldest Daughter is 42 and wouldn't consider having a child she and her husband love their ability to travel and have lots of toys. Both have jobs that earn a lot of money. I was a grandmother before 40 and my patience was definitely not what it had been at age l9 when I had my first. And not the energy I had then either. Some say well I've had my career and can settle down and know I can afford college and the best for a baby. I know a few neighbors who have a teen and are now adopting. So you have many options women don't have. You can conceive a child well into old age. Maybe someone early 30's seems to be the trend now. My mother was 31 when I was born father 33. My mother died when I was l7. So there are a lot of factors that women consider. Yes it's very difficult but you are such a nice guy I know you will meet the right woman. Probably in the grocery store when least expecting it. You just never know. Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on August 26, 2007, at 22:07:24
In reply to And some are like me... » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Racer on August 26, 2007, at 21:38:03
Jay I agree with all of what Racer said too. Opposite ends of the pole but real. Phillipa
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on August 26, 2007, at 22:57:40
In reply to And some are like me... » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Racer on August 26, 2007, at 21:38:03
Yep...some are like "me" too...more then most will ever know. I was the Dad of a little girl, and fate did it's own god damn thing and stole her from me, as well as my fiance at the time. I've put in the hours...paid the dues...3.6 million tears, nightmares and 10 years later but nobody really gives a f*ck about that.(Not referring to anybody specific) Nothing really scares me anymore...I tell, if there is a 'spirit in the sky' ..you CAN'T do anything to hurt or scare me anymore. Nothing. So, a I don't think asking for a little on the 'plus serendipity' side isn't really asking much.
Posted by Mission7 on August 26, 2007, at 23:36:36
In reply to Re: And some are like me... » Racer, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on August 26, 2007, at 22:57:40
My brother just had his first healthy baby and he's 45 and she's 46. They are so happy and such great parents.
You still can. But, don't have to.
The subject has been on my mind a lot lately and I'm just as worried as you. I've got a couple of years on you.
m7
Posted by Dinah on August 27, 2007, at 8:47:09
In reply to Re: And some are like me... » Racer, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on August 26, 2007, at 22:57:40
If only life worked like that. :(
It's more like probability theory. No matter how many times the coin turns up heads, the next toss is still fifty fifty. The only way the past influences the future is through the lessons we choose to take from it, the growth we've made because of it.
I do care, Jay. You know that. I care that you lost your daughter. I care that a little girl and a young woman never got the chance to experience a full life. I care very much.
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on August 27, 2007, at 9:49:51
In reply to Re: The future of a 37 year old Loserwarning.trigger » Phillipa, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on August 26, 2007, at 21:14:17
Why don't you date younger women then?? :o)
My brother is alot older than you (43) and he's dated women 28 and up (and he's not particulary attractive).
I'm sure you're gonna be the knight in shining armour for alot of women out there...
Meri
Posted by Phillipa on August 27, 2007, at 12:03:37
In reply to Re: And some are like me... » Racer, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on August 26, 2007, at 22:57:40
Oh Jay I forgot I completely understand your desire for marriage and a child. So sad. May you get your greatest wish. Phillipa
Posted by caraher on August 27, 2007, at 14:48:00
In reply to Re: And some are like me... » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Phillipa on August 27, 2007, at 12:03:37
I feel like I've heard the "I want children" refrain more often from women, so my gut feeling is that like-minded women are out there. It does sound like you're not finding many of them in the age range you've targeted, so I do think it makes sense to cast your line in "younger waters."
Also... how do you feel about adopting? There's no shortage of children who could use a devoted father...
Posted by Kath on August 27, 2007, at 20:39:26
In reply to The future of a 37 year old Loser.(warning.trigger, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on August 26, 2007, at 20:09:10
YO!
You are NOT horrible. I am VERY glad if you didn't phone. Why should you? The person isn't what YOU WANT.
And it's what you want that matters Jay.
I wish you only the best. I hope you consider what I said before about your areas of interest, groups regarding aforesaid, friends before romantics, etc Kath's regular rant, right?
I am sorry you are in such awful pain, Jay.
I wish some woman would find you & get to know what a special person you are. Guess what? If they get to see you just as you are, I bet that will happen. Remember the woman in the book store. It can happen again. You were just there, being YOU, right?
I wish you all the best & am sending warm, supportive thoughts your way Jay.
luv, Kath
PS - sorry to read above that your holiday time was crappy.
Posted by honore on August 28, 2007, at 13:27:47
In reply to And some are like me... » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Racer on August 26, 2007, at 21:38:03
You'll find someone, Jay. Don't give up. Sometimes you find people in the most unexpected places-- sometimes in the most expected ones. you never know. But it'll happen. And then you can figure out about kids.
It's way way way too soon to give up.
Honore
Posted by Kath on August 28, 2007, at 16:26:03
In reply to Re: And some are like me..., posted by honore on August 28, 2007, at 13:27:47
The above sounds like good advice!
hugs, Kath
This is the end of the thread.
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