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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 27. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 9:56:23
right now
With Charity (or whatever they renamed it) closed, at least two other hospitals closed, the remaining ones are stressed to capacity. I hear that even people taken from situations like the top of bridges are released without being admitted.
I don't think I'm in any danger of killing myself. But the stress of work and other stressors are overwhelming my ability to cope. And my immediate plans involve injuring myself rather more badly than the minor stuff I usually do. I've shredded the few things I don't want my husband to see, and thrown away all my sensitive stuff like Babble printouts, though the garbage doesn't get picked up anytime soon, so that should keep me safe.
Too many people want too many things from me and I'm not getting anything done because I just don't feel well from the stress of possibly moving or staying. I'm expecting several calls this morning with final final deadlines, none of which I can meet.
I know I'm supposed to discuss this with my employers, but I just can't face that right now. I jsut can't. Please don't even suggest it, because I just can't.
I'm already on tons and tons of medications. Including enough Risperdal that I should be calm as can be.
Posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 9:56:55
In reply to I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 9:56:23
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 11, 2006, at 10:43:54
In reply to I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 9:56:23
...if you don't tell someone, it's even harder.
Dinah, my dear friend, your focus must right now go onto your own well-being.
You need to wave the white flag. You need to wave the red one. You need attention to your situation.
Please, you have reached out here. Now, reach out there.
Ask for help.
Now.
Please.
{{{{{{{{Dinah}}}}}}}}
Lar
Posted by MidnightBlue on May 11, 2006, at 10:51:05
In reply to I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 9:56:23
Dinah,
Can you call your job (or have someone else do it) and tell them you are on immediate emergency leave for a few weeks. That this is not open to discussion you are seeking the help you need to cope. Call it PTSD or whatever.
HUGS,
MidnightBlue
Posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 10:52:58
In reply to Re: I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital » Dinah, posted by Larry Hoover on May 11, 2006, at 10:43:54
Thanks, Lar.
I called my therapist. I made a few promises to him, and he's going to see me tomorrow. I'll try to hold on.
I managed to get through one of the calls without letting on how far I am from making the deadline. I don't know whether that's good or bad.
If I can just hold on a while longer. I've made arrangements to drop some of my workload, although that will be easier to do if we move, because I feel so much responsibility for Daddy's work. But if I can just hold off till then.
Waving the white flag seems so scary. It would mean a lot of scrutiny that I just can't bear right now. I guess that's why my thoughts turned to waving a red one. One that would get me out of the reach of prying eyes and uncomprehending pity.
It's so hard to admit these things to people who just don't understand.
Posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 11:02:58
In reply to Re: I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital » Dinah, posted by MidnightBlue on May 11, 2006, at 10:51:05
The trouble with working for such a small company is that there is no room for illness. A friend of mine working in a similar situation worked from the labor and delivery room.
There is literally no one else who could do some of the work I do without extensive and time consuming training. I've talked to them about giving up all my other work and just keeping the stuff that really only I can do. I think it would be a good idea to train someone else in it, but I haven't the patience and no one has the time. If I get hit by a bus, there'll be a lot of very confused people at my office.
It's a bit scary that the extra Risperdal that usually calms me down isn't working. :(
Thanks, Midnight Blue.
Posted by wildcardII on May 11, 2006, at 11:07:16
In reply to I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 9:56:23
you have always reached out to help others, now it's time to help you. i'm thinking of you (((D))). hang on okay?!
Posted by gardenergirl on May 11, 2006, at 11:11:53
In reply to Re: I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital » MidnightBlue, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 11:02:58
Dinah,
I'm glad you told us and that you called your T. And I admire your loyalty and sense of responsibility regarding your work. But you know what? In the grand scheme of things, YOU are much much more important than that work. Work can wait. Others can step in and figure things out. A temp can be hired. It may not be the way you'd do it, and it may be difficult for those in the office, but they'll deal.Twenty years from now, it's not going to make one hoot of difference if you meet a deadline now. But it will make a huge difference if you aren't around 20 years from now. Your son is not going to care about your work responsibilities right now. He's going to want his mommy, not the notion that you completed a job.
And if you wave the white flag and the work folks do not understand, too bad for them. Your health is a private thing. They are not owed details. This is definitely a "This is what I need to do, and this is what I need from you (your workplace) to do it" situation.
Hang in there. Cut out all that is not vital to your wellbeing for now. Focus on coping. Sleep if it helps. The world will be here tomorrow, as will your T.
(((((((Dinah))))))))
gg
Posted by Phil on May 11, 2006, at 11:40:30
In reply to Re: I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital » Dinah, posted by wildcardII on May 11, 2006, at 11:07:16
garnergirl said it all. But remember the all important word...NO, I can't do that.
You are what's important Dinah-you are what's precious.
Lean on us and whatever you need to do to take care, like your appt with the T, do it.
Everyone else can bloody well wait.Your friend, who cares about you,
Phil
Posted by zazenduck on May 11, 2006, at 11:48:46
In reply to I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 9:56:23
Dinah if you decide to go to a hospital I think you should find the best one possible not just the nearest. The Menniger Clinic and Methodist Hospital are both in Houston. Why don't you call them and see if you could be admitted if necessary? You could drive over there or have your husband take you. It might be nice to be away from the stress at home anyway.
They are both on USNews list of best hospitals.
Just don't go to work. Let your husband call them and tell them you can't. Throw your phones out so they can't reach you.Good Luck
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 11, 2006, at 11:54:33
In reply to Re: I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital » Larry Hoover, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 10:52:58
> If I can just hold on a while longer.
Please, Dinah, learn from my experience. That idea, that specific thought, ended up costing me a lot.
I paid ten-fold, or more, by pushing myself when I knew I had had enough.
It is time to focus on your own humanity. You are a human being, not a human doing. What you do for others may well be indispensable, but that is only because you are indispensable.
You need rest. You need care. You need it now. Call for a time out. Please.
Lar
Posted by Phillipa on May 11, 2006, at 12:44:29
In reply to Re: I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital » Dinah, posted by Larry Hoover on May 11, 2006, at 11:54:33
Dinah you mean too much to all of us. Please take care of you and getting away to another area sounds like a good idea. And work can wait. I aggree with what the others have said. Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 13:09:49
In reply to Re: I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital » Dinah, posted by zazenduck on May 11, 2006, at 11:48:46
That's a good idea. Thanks. If I don't feel more safe by tomorrow, I'll check with my therapist. And maybe I'll check with my insurance company tomorrow as well.
Posted by Poet on May 11, 2006, at 13:22:29
In reply to I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 9:56:23
Hi Dinah,
If you can't discuss what's going on with your employer, email it. The only deadline I see is the one for giving Dinah a break and that is due immediately.
The company will have to learn how to get along during what I will call a Dinah Emergency situation. That they don't have a backup plan for when someone as valuable as you are is absent is their problem.
If you need help writing something, I'll do my best to help you word it. Babblemail me, okay?
((((Dinah))))
Poet
Posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 13:22:33
In reply to Re: I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital » zazenduck, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 13:09:49
The latest Klonopin kicked in and gave some relief, though I might have to call my husband to pick up my son.
I think I might be having "quiet" anxiety attacks if that makes sense. No obvious sweating or breathing difficulties.
The phone calls started ratcheting upward in intensity. I finally had to say that I needed the person I was talking to to talk slowly and quietly because I was having trouble thinking under stress.
I wish I could just tell them I can't do it, or that I can't do it on the timeline they want (which may not have been outrageous if it had been presented months ago, but at this point it is). But I think it's been ingrained too deeply within me to please, especially at work. It probably ties into Daddy and wanting not to let him down.
If I can stay awake, I'll concentrate on the smallest part of my work and hope that the phone calls stop.
I think I'm safely sedated for right now. And I mentioned to my husband that my therapist made me promise to give him my pills, so he'll make sure I follow through on that.
You know, it's really stupid that it's easier for me to do something self destructive than it is to admit that I'm overwhelmed and past my abilities to cope. I've got some warped priorities there.
I think I can, and will, start handing off the work the company and I have decided I won't do anymore. I've been holding off in case I change my mind, but I really just can't keep it up. It's funny. I perceive myself as being such a bad employee that everyone should be delighted that I'm handing off work. And I've gotten some feedback to that effect. Yet no one wants me to give up *their* work. Odd.
Posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 13:28:20
In reply to Re: I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital » Dinah, posted by Poet on May 11, 2006, at 13:22:29
Thanks Poet. I think I have enough medication on board that the immediate crisis has past. I hate taking that much at once though.
I'm such a baby. I want Daddy to tell them I can't handle it, or at least to be the funnel through which all the cr*p goes. That's what he used to do. He'd yell at me plenty, but he'd make sure all the outside yelling went to him. He'd negotiate the deadlines, then deal directly with me.
Or maybe I want my therapist or husband to tell them I can't handle this.
I guess I'm not so grown up in this area. My husband was making some pithy remarks last night about my sheltered life.
Posted by Bobby on May 11, 2006, at 20:24:44
In reply to I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 9:56:23
There's lot's of hospitals here in New York---and I'm sure you'd make a fine patient.
Posted by Racer on May 11, 2006, at 21:35:25
In reply to Re: I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital » Poet, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 13:28:20
Dinah, I realize a I've written a long one again, so I came back to make sure you get to this part of my post: I'm so sorry things are rough for you right now. For whatever it's worth, there's a crazy lady in California who cares about you.
I agree with what a lot of others have already said: you are more important than anything you do for your work. And Dinah? Pay close attention to what GG said about not caring in 20 years whether or not you met this deadline. And there's another thing that occurs to me: you can find other jobs (don't start telling me why you can't, at least finish the sentence first), but there is only one Dinah.
And Dinah? Here's some advice for getting through the work you've got, since I strongly suspect you'll try:
1. Do your best not to think about deadlines. Focus instead on the job at hand. Even if it can't be done within that deadline, it will still get done that way. And worrying about deadlines just sucks the energy out of one. At least, it does me.
2. Decide what you'll do, and then break it down to the parts you can do, in the order you'll be doing them. I know, that sounds so silly. But I find the other thing I do when I am feeling so stressed, is to spin around in the middle of the room, thinking, "All these things have to be done, so I'll do this, no I should do that, no -- I will instead have a nervous breakdown." You know? So prioritizing, and in this case maybe even deciding that you're just not going to do some things, before you get started may help make things seem a little more manageable.
3. That whole communication thing came up in our marriage counseling session today, so it's fresh in my mind. You don't have to tell everything to anyone, but telling your work that you don't think you can meet the deadline, but will have it done as soon as you can get it done, would probably ease your anxiety, too. And believe me -- this is from a woman who regularly stayed at work until past 10PM. I know that it's tempting to be SuperWoman, but it's also not worth it. (I have a cat who went feral in a small, one bedroom flat as a result of those hours.)
Posted by sleepygirl on May 11, 2006, at 22:11:31
In reply to I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 9:56:23
take good care of you first.....so many changes or possible changes (and big ones) looming for you, enough to throw a person way off kilter. we have our limits after all, find a healthy kind of rest for yourself
((((Dinah))))
-sg
Posted by Phillipa on May 11, 2006, at 22:27:13
In reply to Re: I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital » Dinah, posted by sleepygirl on May 11, 2006, at 22:11:31
Dinah and don't forget if you do move someone else will have to do your job. Rest and realaxation on Dinah's agenda. And get your therapist and pdoc in the am. Stick close to your husband too. Love Jan
Posted by Deneb on May 11, 2006, at 23:02:32
In reply to I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 9:56:23
It sounds like you're freaking out like I sometimes do. Things get desperate and then we start thinking bad things to escape.
You will get through this Dinah. Time will pass and you will be okay.
Try focusing on one task at a time.
((((Dinah))))
Deneb*
Posted by Dinah on May 12, 2006, at 11:57:12
In reply to Re: I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital » Dinah, posted by Racer on May 11, 2006, at 21:35:25
That's exactly what I do and how I get further behind. I run around in circles picking things up and putting things down.
I'm feeling a bit better today and getting a bit of work done. Focussing on the smallest piece I can find.
I hinted that it would be a difficult deadline to meet considering that we still don't have what we need to finish, and that I was feeling a lot of pressure to do what seems impossible. It kind of got brushed off.
Oh well. If they fire me, what's the downside?
But I doubt I'll be that lucky.
Posted by Dinah on May 12, 2006, at 12:00:59
In reply to Re: I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital » Dinah, posted by Deneb on May 11, 2006, at 23:02:32
I think it's anxiety. I really do. It flares up and everything seems just impossible.
But I gave my pills to my husband as my therapist asked me to do. Said therapist didn't bother to call to set up an appointment today once he had his appointment book - as he said he would.
He's making it easier for me to move. I ought to thank him. He was the main thing I care about that I can't bring with me. Especially since my son's play therapist said that she thinks moving is best for him. So apparently his school is more important to me than to him. :)
I'm feeling better today, so far. That could change in a split instant though. Why isn't that mood stabilizer stabilizing me?
Posted by alesta on May 12, 2006, at 13:45:59
In reply to I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2006, at 9:56:23
Dinah...i'm a little late...but...it's gonna be all right. great advice from the others. just wanted you to know that i care...i'm right there, in the same place, with you...let's carry on, aye? give yourself a *rest*, until you're stronger.
and, yes, by all means, say no!! and no means *no*.
practice saying it with your dog, your minister, your bartender, your hairdryer..whoEVER lass!! but by god put yar bloody foot down milady!! NNOOOO! <rather loud echo> (ahem, sorry...just tryin' ta make ya smile, D.:) it tis gonna be all right ya know.:) one day at a time...just a little bit longer...
sending love,:-)
amy
Posted by Dinah on May 12, 2006, at 21:26:22
In reply to Re: I hear it's pretty hard to get into a hospital » Dinah, posted by alesta on May 12, 2006, at 13:45:59
I guess I'm just a girl who can't say no. :)
I actually took on more today, and I haven't even started what's due in two weeks.
I'm an idiot. This job is making me sick because of me.
Funny, I have no problem saying no to everything else in my life. It's just work. Work I hate. Go figure.
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