![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 26. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by All Done on March 16, 2004, at 21:41:44
I don’t know why work is such a trigger for me, but it is and I’ve had a really rough start to this week. It’s been alright for a few weeks, but now I’m back to dreading it each morning. The worst part is that I get myself so worked up about everything, I start feeling physically ill. It happens so often that when I say I have an upset stomach, my husband asks if work is bothering me. I also resist going to sleep at night just because I know it means I’ll have to get up the next day and start over again. I imagine this compounds my problems.
I can feel myself getting too anxious. Does anyone have any suggestions for relaxation? I’m just obsessing about my job even though I know it’s so not worth it, but I don’t know how to stop.
I would really appreciate any advice any of you might have. Thanks for being here!
All Done
Posted by Sebastian on March 16, 2004, at 22:11:42
In reply to Another day, another fifty cents or so, posted by All Done on March 16, 2004, at 21:41:44
Is there some thing at work that bothers you? A co-worker or something. Usualy when I go to work I don't worry at all. Just say who cares what people think of me. I'm going to do my job, so that I know I do it right. Any one gets in the way laugh it off, ha ha ha. What are you talking about buddy???
Posted by All Done on March 16, 2004, at 22:38:05
In reply to Re: Another day, another fifty cents or so, posted by Sebastian on March 16, 2004, at 22:11:42
Sebastian,
Hmm, what bothers me? Well, my boss is a jacka$$ and I think that's what gets me into this funk, but more likely it's a combination of his attitude and my ever present thoughts that I want to be a stay-at-home mom with my young son. Financially, though, we are unable to pull that off at this point. That is always on my mind and when my boss gets on my case, I guess it's just easy for me to get upset and sad pretty quickly.
I work hard and I really try to make it a better place for myself and others. Unfortunately, I don't think I've ever acquired the ability to laugh things off :(. What's your secret?
All Done
Posted by justyourlaugh on March 16, 2004, at 22:40:38
In reply to Re: Another day, another fifty cents or so, posted by Sebastian on March 16, 2004, at 22:11:42
have you thought it might be the environment?
too many flourencent lights(giving off that mind blowing humm)
or the uncirculated air about the office...
bring in your favourite house plate ..
..
sebastian..you answered your own question to the post under this one ..
but i think you are more sensitive than that..
j
Posted by All Done on March 16, 2004, at 22:50:19
In reply to Re: Another day, another fifty cents or so » Sebastian, posted by justyourlaugh on March 16, 2004, at 22:40:38
JYL,
It is not a great office space, to say the least. I'm going to take your suggestion and bring something in from home. I really like that idea. Too bad it can't be my puppy, though :).
Thank you!
All Done
Posted by pegasus on March 17, 2004, at 0:07:48
In reply to Another day, another fifty cents or so, posted by All Done on March 16, 2004, at 21:41:44
Yuck. The only thing worse than hating work is hating home. I'm sorry your boss is a jerk. I know how crazy-making that can be.
Are your obessive thoughts about work really obsessive as in OCD type obsessions? I ask because I've struggled with really irrational pervasive obsessions in the past. I wish I had some great advice, but I don't really. For what it's worth, here are some things that helped me somewhat in getting obsessive thoughts to take a break (never for long, but a little break is better than nothing.)
Try creating a time or place that can be where you are allowed to obsess about it, and try really hard when thoughts come up outside of that context to acknowledge your thoughts and then tell yourself that you'll postpone the thought until you are there. The key is you have to be gentle with yourself about it.
When the obessive thoughts come up, try coloring them a particular color. For example, I used to obsess about traffic noise. So when I'd notice myself thinking about it, I'd say to myself, ok, there's one of those blue thoughts. For some reason, this helped.
Try writing down every thing you hate about your boss. Then when you're done, tell yourself you're done and now you get a break from thinking about it. Then try to just really notice what's going on at home (or wherever) and how much you like it.
If your thoughts are just normal "something is really bothering me" thoughts, I don't know if these will work. But you might try them anyway! Good luck! It sounds so hard, and I hope you are able to find a way to dread your job less.
- p
Posted by All Done on March 17, 2004, at 1:34:28
In reply to Re: Another day, another fifty cents or so, posted by pegasus on March 17, 2004, at 0:07:48
Thanks for your post, pegasus.
Sorry. I may have used the wrong word when I said I was obsessing. I'm not really sure how obsessive my thoughts truly are. I just know I spend, IMO, too many non-work hours thinking about work and wanting to cry about it.
Your suggestions are so great. I especially like the one about giving myself specific time to think about work and then trying to "postpone" the thoughts during other times. I'm actually going to share this one with my husband the next time he tells me to quit worrying. I know he just wants me to feel better, but he doesn't realize that I just *can't* go cold turkey.
I'll try the color idea too, but I'm not so sure about the writing idea. My list of things I don't like about my boss would probably look something like this:
1. He's a jerk.
2. He's a jerk.
3. He's an egotistical jerk.Not very productive, huh? ;)
Thanks so much for your suggestions. I really appreciate them!
All Done
Posted by octopusprime on March 17, 2004, at 2:41:45
In reply to Re: Another day, another fifty cents or so » pegasus, posted by All Done on March 17, 2004, at 1:34:28
hi pegasus.
i'm just going to sympathize with you for a while. everybody at my job is annoying me, too (but my boss is fine, cause he's out of the office most of the time)
my solution is to take a vacation. i'm much less annoyed after i take some time off.
i remember i had one job where a woman i worked with really ticked me off. i took a boxercise class, which was quite therapeutic. (she got to be the imaginary punching bag).
another time i had a job where my boss ticked me off, so i quit. (this works better when you don't have kids).
unwinding after work is always a bit of a tangle for me, but i find having a seriously stimulating hobby after work (music, etc) really helps to add another focus to your day. (also easier without kids).
anyway i should go to bed so i can get up and go join that cursed organization again tomorrow. two more days!
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on March 17, 2004, at 8:33:34
In reply to Another day, another fifty cents or so, posted by All Done on March 16, 2004, at 21:41:44
My T recently gave me a "relaxation" tape which he made (but you can buy them) which I listen to 3 times a day (on his orders). It's basically a 15 minute "routine" which I listen to before I get up in the morning, when I get home from work, and before I go to bed. It has helped a lot in keeping me somewhat relaxed.
Also, I do a lot of aerobic exercise which helps drain off the anxiety. 3 or 4 times a week.
Posted by Penny on March 17, 2004, at 9:18:46
In reply to Another day, another fifty cents or so, posted by All Done on March 16, 2004, at 21:41:44
(((All Done)))
Sorry I haven't posted much lately - I shouldn't be posting at work due to some problems I've been having, but, well, here I am.
I know what you mean about work anxiety. I have been terrified of my boss...well, pretty much all of my bosses that I've had over the past few years at different places...and I don't really have an answer for you other than to say that I can relate. I would lay awake at night worrying about work, and then come to work the next day and close my office door and hide. I've conquered the bedtime worries by listening to books on CD/tape as I'm trying to fall asleep. It gives my brain something else to focus on. I can't listen to music b/c I can't hear music and not move or sing or something. But listening to someone read is so relaxing to me. Especially if it's something enjoyable. Nothing scary, of course...
As for work - I had my work review a few weeks ago, and officially got an 'unsatisfactory' rating. Joy. I was soooooo completely distraught. And, at the same time, I felt a sense of relief - like, "Okay, now I don't have a choice (not that I did before) about getting some serious work done," and so on. It was strange. Even though I felt terrible, and even though it added another level of stress that I was dreading (but anticipating), it also sort of relieved some of my anxiety. Perhaps it was because I was so worried about the worst-case scenario, and then it didn't happen? I dunno...
Anyway, a few things to think about - what is it about your job that is stressing you out? I mean, is it an inability to get a handle on your responsibilities? Is it the environment? Is it boredom? Is it your boss? What?
P
Posted by Dinah on March 17, 2004, at 9:32:52
In reply to Another day, another fifty cents or so, posted by All Done on March 16, 2004, at 21:41:44
There's nothing like wanting to spend time at home with a munchkin that makes bad work even more miserable.
Can you at least keep your eyes open for a change in jobs? Even if you don't find anything worthwhile it will give you something to think about when you're fed up. In fact, I periodically decide to change jobs and discover that the advantages to my hated job are so great that I end up hating it a bit less at least for a while. So job searches, even if they aren't totally in earnest, help a bit in other ways as well.
Well, I'm off to my own detested job now. :(
Posted by EmmyS on March 17, 2004, at 9:50:56
In reply to Re: Another day, another fifty cents or so, posted by Dinah on March 17, 2004, at 9:32:52
When I have trouble working with a particular person, it's usually for one of 3 reasons:
1) there is something about that person which is like me, which I dislike about me
2) there is something about that person which I wish I could be more like
3) transference....he reminds me of my bad dad
But, that's just me.
Regardless...this is what I do to ease the situation. I just be nice to them...do little nice things. Kind things. Ask about their kids, their weekend. Bring brownies. Even if that the last thing I WANT to do...I do it. I just keep doing nice things. It changes the balance. Throws the whole relationship out of whack. He/she hasn't a clue what to do. It can give a whole new footing to the relationship. Or maybe you just feel good about yourself, and get to eat brownies too.
Emmy
Posted by Sebastian on March 17, 2004, at 11:37:48
In reply to Re: Another day, another fifty cents or so » Sebastian, posted by All Done on March 16, 2004, at 22:38:05
I guess you have to take things not personaly
Posted by Sebastian on March 17, 2004, at 11:41:58
In reply to Re: Another day, another fifty cents or so » Sebastian, posted by justyourlaugh on March 16, 2004, at 22:40:38
I guess you are right. I use to be able to do that. I think my last girlfreind scared me away from women and relationships.
Posted by Sebastian on March 17, 2004, at 11:51:04
In reply to Re: Another day, another fifty cents or so, posted by pegasus on March 17, 2004, at 0:07:48
You could try telling your boss what you think of them. This will help a lot.
Posted by Sebastian on March 17, 2004, at 11:56:03
In reply to Re: Another day, another fifty cents or so » pegasus, posted by All Done on March 17, 2004, at 1:34:28
Just be non-shalont about it. Don't sound angry. As if you are making conversation. Make sure they know you are not trying to quit.
Posted by All Done on March 18, 2004, at 13:36:03
In reply to did we recreate the i hate my job club?, posted by octopusprime on March 17, 2004, at 2:41:45
octopusprime,
For me, the I Hate My Job Club is pretty much always in session. I truly wish we didn’t have so many members, though.
I have a vacation planned for the beginning of April. A long weekend to Vegas with a good friend for a couple of shows, some spa treatments, and some good eating. I’m really hoping it’s going to help some.
Thanks for the suggestions and I hope your making it through your week alright!
All Done
Posted by All Done on March 18, 2004, at 13:39:01
In reply to Re: Another day, another fifty cents or so, posted by Miss Honeychurch on March 17, 2004, at 8:33:34
Miss Honey,
I’ve never tried relaxation tapes. When I first started therapy, I mentioned meditating to my T. I’ve never done that either, but I thought it might be worth a shot. I really need to do something, though, because my anxiety is just getting worse.
I’m glad to hear the tape has helped you.
All Done
Posted by All Done on March 18, 2004, at 13:44:47
In reply to Re: Another day, another fifty cents or so » All Done, posted by Penny on March 17, 2004, at 9:18:46
Thanks for posting, Penny. I miss you when I don’t see you posting as much, but I know we all have to be careful when we’re at work, hence my lunch hour posting frenzy.
I think my main problems at work right now are that my boss expects me to read his mind and he’s dumping a ton of responsibility on my staff and me. He’s overwhelming my staff and I don’t necessarily agree with his logic in doing this. But he’s hired a lot of immature kids that get these really crappy attitudes whenever they have to actually do some work so my group gets stuck with the work instead. Oh gosh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get started.
I’m sorry to hear about your work stress. How are your plans for school going? When do you start? (Forgive me if you already have.) May I ask – how are things going with your cousin? I hope things have settled down a bit for you.
Take care,
All Done
Posted by All Done on March 18, 2004, at 13:48:59
In reply to Re: Another day, another fifty cents or so, posted by Dinah on March 17, 2004, at 9:32:52
Dinah,
I constantly keep my eyes open for a different job. In fact, I’ve just been through kind of the same thing you’re mentioning. I went on an interview about a month ago and I could have had a different job. I didn’t take it because it would have added 2 hours each day to my current almost non-existent commute and it would have been a pay cut. So, for the past few weeks, I’ve been muddling through trying to remember the advantages of this job. Unfortunately, this week, these thoughts have yet again been outweighed in my mind by all the old crap I’ve had to deal with and I’m wondering if I made a mistake by declining the other position.
I do have another interview prospect for next week. It would keep me close to home and the hiring manager and I have already discussed basic salary requirements to make sure it wouldn’t be an instant deal breaker. I’m just waiting for human resources to call and schedule a time. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
As always, Dinah, thanks for your thoughts and support.
All Done
Posted by All Done on March 18, 2004, at 13:54:06
In reply to Re: Another day, another fifty cents or so, posted by EmmyS on March 17, 2004, at 9:50:56
Emmy,
I’ve been thinking a lot about your post and for some reason it didn’t click with me until after speaking with one of my co-workers who is equally frustrated with our boss (misery loves company, right?). My boss is controlling, manipulative, and is never ever wrong. Hey! Guess what? I just described my mom. I didn’t see the connection before. This is interesting to think about. I’m going to get myself a brownie and mull it over :).
Thanks!
All Done
Posted by All Done on March 18, 2004, at 13:58:36
In reply to Re: Another day, another fifty cents or so, posted by Sebastian on March 17, 2004, at 11:56:03
Sebastian,
Taking things personally is my middle name. I believe that’s one of the reasons being in middle management isn’t working for me. I get blasted from all sides and so I feel as if it must all be my fault. That said, I do *try* not to let it get to me. I’m just not doing a very good job of it this week :(.
Thanks for your suggestions. I really appreciate them and will store them in my idea bank for when I’m feeling a bit stronger.
All Done
Posted by TexasChic on March 19, 2004, at 10:39:18
In reply to Re: Another day, another fifty cents or so, posted by pegasus on March 17, 2004, at 0:07:48
I love your idea about making your obsessive thoughts a certain color! I've been going through a bad situation and even though I feel like I'm ready to move on, I can't stop the thoughts from constantly racing through my head. I'm pretty sure mine is an OCD thing. I think by making those thoughts a color, you would be reducing the importance of them, which is exactly what I need. Thanks!
Posted by gardenergirl on March 20, 2004, at 19:31:42
In reply to Re: did we recreate the i hate my job club? » octopusprime, posted by All Done on March 18, 2004, at 13:36:03
That vacation sounds heavenly. When is my next massage? Gotta check the calender.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on March 20, 2004, at 19:39:25
In reply to Re: Another day, another fifty cents or so » Dinah, posted by All Done on March 18, 2004, at 13:48:59
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.