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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by socialdeviantjeff on February 6, 2004, at 1:24:58
Yesterday was not so good. I've been reading about the potential for liver toxicity with psych drugs. I've been through more drug trials in the last 6 months than I can count with two hands. So far everything has failed miserably and right now I'm not on anything but such a low dose of antipsychotic that it does no good. Anyway I was worried that since the only common denominator I could find after searching and searching was drug-induced hepatic toxicity. I've been feeling like utter physical crap for 6 months and am very concerned. My pdoc can't find an explanation.
Enough backstory. All day I was feeling bad, emotionally and physically. On my way to work, I built up so much anxiety I sped through several school zones. Never did that before. Usually pretty vigilant of those. I got to work and I was shaking sooo badly. I couldn't think. I bailed on the other clerk without a word and sped to the ER. I asked for a battery of blood tests and they obliged. I was asked if I wanted to talk to a crisis worker. I said no. I tried to be coherent, but I kept blabbering and running around in logical dead ends. I also remember telling them I was 25 even though I'm 26. Everytime they asked, I was 25. All the tests came back normal. after spending 3 1/2 hours alone in a small room with only chairs and nothing else they let me go. They didn't want to give me anything to calm me after I told them about my troubled drug trials.
Now I'm spending most of my time in self-condemnation for even going in the first place. I know that the articles I was reading probably precipitated a panic attack. I'm convinced there's something seriously physically wrong with me. But why the hell did I jeapordize my job by just walking out and going there? I can't afford a hospital bill and now I have a nice steep one with no hope of it being covered by Medicaid or anything else. The doctor was an insensetive jerk. Everyone else there seemed to be walking on eggshells around me trying not to set me off, treating me like some kind of invalid. And the thing is, the whole idea of being there was stupid in the first place. I didn't *need* to go, in retrospect. If I had thought things through when I got to work I probably could have funtioned.
I feel like all kinds of hell both physically and emotionally. Everyone around me is sooooo concerned. I've got sympathy coming at me from all angles and I can't stand it! I think I'm on some sort of in cognito suicide watch at home. I don't deserve this kind of consideration, what I did was plain stupid. Now everyone's worried. Ideation and intent are two totally separate things to me and I do not intend to take that way out.
Well, I've taken up enough server space for this post. I just had to vent. This sucks.
Posted by Tootercat on February 6, 2004, at 11:00:54
In reply to last night in the Emergency Room (long), posted by socialdeviantjeff on February 6, 2004, at 1:24:58
First and foremost....STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP!
Anxiety /Panic attacks are really really scary and sometimes we do things in our terror that aren't always logical or completely thought out.I don't know what, if anything, you are doing aside from medication to cope with your attacks but I can highly recommend something that I have used. It is through a place called The Midwest Center for Anxiety and Stress. They have a 15 tape program that you can buy (it ain't cheap but it is priceless)and it has helped me tremendously.
They have a website with a forum and chat room and all kinds of other resources to help.
www.stresscenter.comBe very good and kind to yourself and stay in touch. Whatever you do....DON'T ISOLATE.
Hugs,
Tooter
Posted by Ilene on February 6, 2004, at 13:20:33
In reply to last night in the Emergency Room (long), posted by socialdeviantjeff on February 6, 2004, at 1:24:58
Being depressed and anxious can cause you to feel like utter physical crap. That's one explanation. Another is that you have a disorder that's medically unexplained, such as chronic fatigue syndrome. I have it, and when it flares up I can hardly get out of bed. ("Chronic fatigue" is a misnomer, but at least it's English, unlike "myalgic encephaloymyelitis", which is what I think it's called in some other countries.) A third is that you have a "physical" problem that hasn't been detected yet. I think that is least likely because you are 25--or is that 26? ;-) --and haven't mentioned any unusual symptoms.
The nasty stuff that gets mentioned in drug monographs or journal articles is there because those incidents are worst-case scenarios that physicians ought to be aware of. Most of these side effects never happen. You are obviously one of the few who has a hard time tolerating drugs. I don't think it's unreasonable to worry about your liver.
Yeah, what you did was stupid, but in the annals of stupidity it merits hardly a footnote. Other than speeding through school zones you didn't endanger anyone. As far as the ER bill--you can probably negotiate a reasonable payment schedule. After all, what are they going to do--repossess your liver?
Stupid question alert: have you tried benzos or Neurontin? I do okay on Klonopin, most of the time. Neurontin at more than 200 mg makes me too zoned for comfort. Yoga is sometimes helpful; ironically, only when I'm not too anxious to begin with. You get to breathe deeply and unclench your jaw.
Of course you are convinced there is something seriously wrong with you! There is! Healthy people don't do what you do. The mind/body split is a bunch of crap. Because your (our) illness is behavioral and emotional doesn't make it any less physical.
I've been giving myself anxiety attacks lately, too, over starting MAOIs. I feel like it's my last chance. I know this is not entirely reasonable, but I'm having a hard time getting a grip, so I would feel hypocritical trying to convince you to stop worrying about your liver.
Good luck,
I.
Posted by Penny on February 6, 2004, at 13:52:01
In reply to last night in the Emergency Room (long), posted by socialdeviantjeff on February 6, 2004, at 1:24:58
Jeff,
I agree wholeheartedly with Toots regarding giving yourself a break about this. I am the queen of doing stupid things (and some even not necessarily stupid things, which I think is the category your trip to the ER falls under), and beating myself up about it forever.
You felt bad. You were afraid. You've had bad luck with medication (I have too - so I understand), and, considering that, you essentially are being undertreated for a disease that you have no control over (mental illness). Taking those things into consideration, I don't see how your visit to the ER wasn't perfectly justified. It's over and done with, and, I know, easier said than done, but try to let it go now.
As for insurance and hospital bills - how's your credit? If your credit is shot (as mine is :-), then forget the hospital bills. Really. Because they can't do anything about it unless you have a ton of assets lying around - but that bill is not likely to be high enough for them to go to too much trouble to collect. If your credit is good, and even if not but you want to try to pay them, then call them and work something out. Hospitals have to take whatever you can pay them - they may not like it - they may want you to pay a 'minimum' payment - but they don't ultimately have a choice. I know - I'm in the midst of this sort of myself, and I do have insurance, but my week in the hospital last summer, plus a trip to a sleep clinic at another hospital, combined with the fact that I have "too high an income", which is a load of bull, means that I qualify for no additional help - even though I owe them well over $2000. And they want minimum payments of $120 a month, for one of the hospitals. I can't swing it. Unfortunately for them, my credit is ruined anyway, due to my young adulthood stupidity, and I have a bankruptcy attorney who has advised me on all of this, and I am not paying them at this time.
Sorry for the long explanation that was, I'm sure, not necessary. To sum up, though, you can only do the best you can with what you have at the time. They can't imprison you in the US for failing to pay a debt. The worst they will do is send your debt to a collection agency, then a lawyer, then you might (at some point in the distant future) have a judgement taken out against you, but for a visit to the ER plus tests, this is not likely. The amount you owe them will not be significant enough for them to go to such trouble! Really!
Try to take care of yourself. I'm pretty sure most of us have been there at one point or another...
(((Jeff)))
Oh - one more thing - if your income is low enough, you may qualify for a waiver of your hospital bill completely. It requires that you fill out a form or two, but, truly, if you call the billing folks at the hospital, they are more likely than not to be pretty understanding. I guarantee you they deal with folks who can't afford to pay everyday.
P
Posted by fayeroe on February 7, 2004, at 7:42:58
In reply to last night in the Emergency Room (long), posted by socialdeviantjeff on February 6, 2004, at 1:24:58
First let me say that I love your name. I know that probably doesn't mean anything to you right now.....but's it is very cool.
Now for your ER visit. I seriously doubt that the medical personnel in ER thought you were stupid or crazy. How do I Know? Because I used to work in a very busy ER. If you could see the people who use ER as their family clinic, you'd understand why you weren't taking up unnecessary space. You had a medical/emotional emergency. There are thousands of people who come to ER for a runny nose! A woman brought her 9 year old in at midnight once because she noticed that the child's eyes were a little red when they got up that morning! Yes, she waited til midnight so that we could try to take care of her daughter while fighting off the drunks and stopping the bleeding (car wreck) in the trauma room! SO, you are not stupid, crazy, etc.
Work with the hospital. Remember they can't refuse service to anyone. So, you can probably pay it out.......
Don't beat yourself over the head over this! We all panic at times and I know what an anxiety attack does to my sense of reason.....Hang in there! Pat
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