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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by KellyD on July 9, 2003, at 11:16:55
I hadn't really posted over here. Normally, am found in the med area. Anyway, I guess I just want a sympathetic ear or something. I'm wondering how you get a life back after feeling better - or start a new life? My odessy started 2 years ago. Due to my mental health issues, I quit work about six months ago. It was a good move and no amount of drugs or therapy or ovarian fortitude was going to make me ok there. The problem is, that was my social circle - not good, but it was. Now, I feel a little lost, left out, etc. The calls and invits have stopped and I feel quite forgotten. I call, but everyone is "so busy". How do you begin a new social circle? It's really hard as you get older. Has anyone had this happen? What did you do? I really enjoy not working right now. My marriage has managed to stay intact and I like the time home with my child - who is basically grown and home from school for the summer. Any words of wisdom? I would like to "just do it", but where to start???
Thanks
Posted by KellyD on July 9, 2003, at 21:31:14
In reply to Just Whinnin' or something like it, posted by KellyD on July 9, 2003, at 11:16:55
Posted by Dinah on July 9, 2003, at 21:54:32
In reply to Is it my breath or what? (nm), posted by KellyD on July 9, 2003, at 21:31:14
You've just happened on the board while most everyone is feeling down, and several of us are taking board breaks. It's nothing personal. For me it's not even related to the board, it's outside stuff.
I wish I knew the answer to what you ask. I'm not a terribly social person, and find socializing difficult at best. My husband and I joke about finding "couple friends" the way single people do about dating. But we haven't had all that much luck. I can only suggest going out to do what you enjoy doing and hoping you meet someone compatible along the way. We had a Sunday School class of parents with kids about the same ages, and made a few tentative efforts at extending ourselves, but the other people had much more fulfilling lives than we did (wry grin) and not much came of it.
Posted by whiterabbit on July 9, 2003, at 23:14:34
In reply to Is it my breath or what? (nm), posted by KellyD on July 9, 2003, at 21:31:14
Kelly-
I'm sort of in the same situation but even worse because my marriage didn't make it through all the craziness. The divorce isn't legal yet but we're moving right along in that direction. I haven't gone back to a "real" job yet, although I work Saturdays and pick up some temp work...not much chance for socializing there.I did try to go back to my regular job after being hospitalized (the first time) but I'd been involuntarily committed after winding up in the ER - so everybody at work found out what happened to me and man, talk about being uncomfortable at your first day back on the job...it was gruesome.
I still could've handled it if I felt better, but I had just been started on a lot of psych meds and I felt confused and ill. Generally I'm pretty tough, always show up for work sick or not, but this time I just couldn't hang.I had one really good friend there and I still see her every once in awhile, but not much...it's not me, she just has a hard job & a bunch of kids.
I have a couple of cousins I'm close to but it's the same deal with them, job & kids...I have a son but he's grown now. My other friends drifted away when I was really really depressed, I was isolating big time, wouldn't go out with them or even talk on the phone. By the time I got home from work I was so "peopled out" I couldn't deal with anyone.So back to your question, what to do now. Actually I need a very moderate amount of 3-D human contact to be happy, although I'm not a complete hermit. The things I enjoy most are solitary pursuits - reading, writing & painting.
But the better I feel, the more I think that it might be nice to get out & socialize for a bit. As of this moment I have NO interest in a romantic-type relationship, and it will probably be a VERY LONG TIME before I can even stomach the idea. So that kind of socializing is out, no meat-markets or blind dates or getting fixed up or any of that (shudder).I guess one of the things that I'll do, once I'm not pennyless, is to learn something new...maybe I can find a yoga class for stiff old beginners.
I do need to learn how to unwind...also I'd like to take a shot at stained glass, see how that suits me, I'm the creative sort. Could maybe meet some other creative people, that would be interesting.Well if I come up with any great ideas I'll let you know!
-Gracie
Posted by KellyD on July 10, 2003, at 7:09:33
In reply to Re: Is it my breath or what? LOL » KellyD, posted by whiterabbit on July 9, 2003, at 23:14:34
I did pop a tic tac for good measure - ha, ha.
I have noticed the summer is a rough time for folks. I think it's a pressure thing - much being expected with outdoor stuff, kids, vacations. Sometimes, it's too much to deal with.
Gracie, I'm sorry about your relationship. Even when splits should happen, it's so painful and difficult. I wish you all the strength to get through and deal with it.
I need a good hobby, interest, something. Nothing really strikes me that I WANT to do or be involved in. I think I mourn my "old self", but don't really want to be that again. I'm mad at myself for not having a bigger circle of interests and friends. I think that's part of why I had the problems I did and burned out at work.
I'm going to try some new things and I'll see how it goes.
Thanks again!!!!
Posted by Ponder on July 12, 2003, at 16:44:38
In reply to Thank you, Ladies, posted by KellyD on July 10, 2003, at 7:09:33
KellyD,
I am struggling with some of the same issues you mention. Left work during a particularly bad and extended bout with mixed states. My behavior during that time was so weird that I am humiliated in retrospect and, despite the fact that I really liked some of those people, am not inclined to reconnect with them. (My feelings are a mix of embarrassment, failure, and shame--as if I'd been banished.)I think one of the things that makes it hard to motivate to build a new life from scratch is the unpredictability of the illness. I really don't want to get all involved and engaged in responsibilities, as exciting/fulfilling as that can be, and then have a relapse that causes me to alienate new contacts, let people down by not being able to perform my duties, etc. And this risk is true for volunteer work as well as paying jobs. It's even true in friendships.
I think the lack of motivation to focus and get started on new activities and new people is, in part, a function of the illness, but also the lack of support to do so and the absence of, well, any pressure to do so. While I was working, I was forced to get up in the morning, make myself presentable, and leave the house. These are things that, when entirely optional, tend to get delayed, seem to take forever, or don't happen at all. But I remember that being dressed up WITH a place to go was nice, and teamwork and accomplishments are nice also.
Wish I had something helpful to say rather than just chiming in with my own confusion, but...there it is.
Posted by Dinah on July 12, 2003, at 17:30:29
In reply to Re: Thank you, Ladies » KellyD, posted by Ponder on July 12, 2003, at 16:44:38
You are so right. I am still managing a part time job, however badly. But I find myself reluctant to commit myself to anything else because I don't know how I will feel. That puts all volunteer type activities out of reach, and even friendships become hard to maintain. My husband does most of the "mom" stuff at school (and boy, does it annoy him that people credit me with it all anyway).
Posted by KellyD on July 12, 2003, at 18:38:57
In reply to Re: Thank you, Ladies » Ponder, posted by Dinah on July 12, 2003, at 17:30:29
people like me - not a bad feeling.
I do thank you for your sharing. The reasons you mention, ponder, are me to a "T". It does help with the "at least I'm not the only one". The bite of it is, this was a change (job stopping) I really think was good for me, but now what to do to regain what most consider a life. I want it, but God is it scary, hard and confusing.
This is the end of the thread.
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