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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by janejj on June 25, 2003, at 22:01:23
Hi,
Is it possible for an eating disorder to only really start taking hold in your early twenties ? I feel very stupid, but ever since i gained a few pounds on Celexa I have become very obsessive with my weight and have begun purging. I stopped taking the Celexa and feel like I am spiralling downwards, but i am obssessed with my weight, its stupid.
According to all the charts I am well within the healthy weight parameters for my height. Yet I feel as though I am obese and I can't handle it.
I can't seem to handle anything. My boyfriend says that I am over reacting to the smallest thing. I can't help it, I am so desperate and angry inside.
Janejj
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 25, 2003, at 23:15:17
In reply to Eating disorders, posted by janejj on June 25, 2003, at 22:01:23
jj..
depression makes you move sensative to everything...it takes alot of courage to admitt that you purge....good for you.
depression can cause alot of mistrust in your own judgement,and keep your mind on self...kinda focused in a small box.
call your doctor and tell her(him)you stop your med!!!!
feel better soon ...
j
Posted by janejj on June 26, 2003, at 12:39:58
In reply to Re: Eating disorders » janejj, posted by justyourlaugh on June 25, 2003, at 23:15:17
Thanks Justyourlaugh.
Although, I have had it with pills and doctors, i know its silly but I can't bear the thought of having to sit in a smelly waiting room and then be given a bunch of pills that probably won't work or make things worse. Oh well! Woulnd't it be lovely if you could pack your personality into a suitcase and send it somewhere else and order in a new one.
Janejj
Posted by yesac on June 26, 2003, at 15:43:08
In reply to Eating disorders, posted by janejj on June 25, 2003, at 22:01:23
> Hi,
>
> Is it possible for an eating disorder to only really start taking hold in your early twenties ? I feel very stupid, but ever since i gained a few pounds on Celexa I have become very obsessive with my weight and have begun purging. I stopped taking the Celexa and feel like I am spiralling downwards, but i am obssessed with my weight, its stupid.I don't know, but I have become more obsessive about weight over the past few years. Never have actually purged, but I've thought about it. More just restricting my diet and working out excessively (though right now I do neither and maybe I should). But yeah, I sort of worry about every single pound and everything I put in my mouth now.
Posted by janejj on June 26, 2003, at 18:19:06
In reply to Re: Eating disorders » janejj, posted by yesac on June 26, 2003, at 15:43:08
Why is it that we toture ourselves like this ?
My mood can be severly altered by the numbers on my scale. I weigh myself like 6 times a day. I guess I should throw them out, but I wouldn't be able to.
I just feel that to be accepted i have to be petite. If i don't fit into a size 4 or 6 then some how i just feel i am not worthy. I look through magazines, see actresses in Movies, see regular people on the street and I feel like a huge giant compared to them. I am 5'8, so I always feel like a giant.
I once saw a celebrity that always looked a pretty healthy weight, someone that I aspired to. I saw her in real life and she was so small and petite, it made me realise how huge i am.
I sound so obsessive!! I would never tell anybody this stuff in the flesh, then they'd know i was crazy!
janejj
Posted by zenhussy on June 26, 2003, at 22:31:07
In reply to Re: Eating disorders » yesac, posted by janejj on June 26, 2003, at 18:19:06
> I sound so obsessive!! I would never tell anybody this stuff in the flesh, then they'd know i was crazy!
>
> janejj
janejj,eating disorders THRIVE on secrecy. Please try to find someone you trust to confide in so that you are not alone in this. Once the secrecy is broken it becomes easier to stop the cycle of it
from one who has utilized purging as a coping mechanism I strongly urge you to not allow this to gain the upper hand with you. You can beat it and it will be hard. Enlist the help of professionals. They won't think you're crazy. They're trained to deal with just the very thoughts you wrote out above.
I wish you the best and hope you can see that 5'8" is a good height and lovely for a woman to be. Not giant. Not huge. But lovely.
zenhussy
Posted by yesac on June 27, 2003, at 11:53:15
In reply to Re: Eating disorders » yesac, posted by janejj on June 26, 2003, at 18:19:06
> My mood can be severly altered by the numbers on my scale. I weigh myself like 6 times a day. I guess I should throw them out, but I wouldn't be able to.I only allow myself to step on the scale once per day, and I do it first thing in the morning so that it will be the lowest. I know it will just be too depressing if I did it at the end of the day. But even once a day is a lot.
> I just feel that to be accepted i have to be petite. If i don't fit into a size 4 or 6 then some how i just feel i am not worthy. I look through magazines, see actresses in Movies, see regular people on the street and I feel like a huge giant compared to them. I am 5'8, so I always feel like a giant.Yeah, this is sort of one of the things I was thinking about when I posted my question in the getting to know you quiz thread... why is life so unfair? Like, why do some people get to have great bodies, be slim and petite and whatever. Not fair. Every day I wish I was skinnier. I'm not tall - 5'4", average height I guess. My weight is within the "healthy range" but I just wish it was lower. Every single day. Another obsessive habit I have is looking at basically every person I see and determining whether or not they are skinnier than me. It's ridiculous.
The whole situation wasn't helped because last year I gained like 20 pounds or so due to birth control. Then, I went off of it, lost 25 pounds (maybe aided by Effexor a little bit). Then gained about 5 pounds which I was basically okay with. But over the past couple months I've gained another 10 pounds or so because of Lamictal I think. And that is really depressing me. I really want to lose it.
Posted by janejj on June 28, 2003, at 0:08:23
In reply to Re: Eating disorders » janejj, posted by zenhussy on June 26, 2003, at 22:31:07
Right now i just don't know what to do, i feel such a mess.
Posted by zenhussy on June 29, 2003, at 0:51:47
In reply to Re: Eating disorders » zenhussy, posted by janejj on June 28, 2003, at 0:08:23
> Right now i just don't know what to do, i feel such a mess.
janejj,
Feeling like a mess is quite normal when purging becomes out of control.
Help is available and you're not without hope.
People get through what you're going through and come out the other side.
I'm still damn depressed but no longer utilize purging as a copinig mechanism.
I felt shame for so many years and still have some lingering pangs of self hatred regarding purging but I've learned that that is what I had to do back then to survive. It is all I knew how to do to "control" what I was going through.
Be very gentle with yourself. I believe that you can turn the tide on this.
With hope,
zh
Posted by janejj on June 30, 2003, at 2:33:17
In reply to Re: Eating disorders » janejj, posted by zenhussy on June 29, 2003, at 0:51:47
Zen,
Thanks for your kind words.
I guess I have been doing this for years on and off, just never really thought I actually had an ED, cos I would go months between.I don't think I could pluck up the courage to tell anyone. I told my boyfriend, but he said he would leave me if I keep doing it.
Its hard to stop though, for some reason, it seems simple enough, but why is it so hard ?I'm scared by my lack of control.
Anyway thanks for listening, I am encouraged to hear that you have recovered from this, you give me hope!
Janejj
Posted by zenhussy on June 30, 2003, at 7:34:54
In reply to Re: Eating disorders » zenhussy, posted by janejj on June 30, 2003, at 2:33:17
> Zen,
>
> Thanks for your kind words.
>
> I guess I have been doing this for years on and off, just never really thought I actually had an ED, cos I would go months between.I don't think I could pluck up the courage to tell anyone. I told my boyfriend, but he said he would leave me if I keep doing it.
>
> Its hard to stop though, for some reason, it seems simple enough, but why is it so hard ?I'm scared by my lack of control.
>
> Anyway thanks for listening, I am encouraged to hear that you have recovered from this, you give me hope!
>
> JanejjJanejj,
I'll always listen regarding this matter since I've walked this walk.
ED's are insideous in how they creep in and take root all the while one thinks they're still in control. I struggled for many years thinking since I wasn't daily (until later) purging that I was *in control*. This is something as serious as depression, bi polar, etc.
I fully understand the inability to muster the courage to tell someone and if your bf would leave you over this I wonder just how supportive this person is?! I am holding onto hope for you until you can gain some of your own. I truly do believe if someone who was as tweaked as I was with the purging over many years can get through it you can too (zenhussy raising her pom poms and letting out a rah rah Janejj!!).
Anytime you need a refill of hope about this gimme a holler.
Always have hope for overcoming the things I know can be beat. You've got what it takes it is just a matter of putting the pieces into place.
Good luck and you've got many who do understand here until you are able to tell someone in person and break the cycle. You've already begun that by discussing this here. Kudos toots! You've started taking the power away from the ED by lifting the secrecy. Proud of you.
Take care,
zh
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