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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ELA on March 20, 2002, at 4:46:11
When I was little, I was the biggest "daddy's girl" going apparantly. I do remember actually. Mum says that as a toddler I would stand at the gate all day waiting for him to come home from work. I would only let him bath me and put me to bed and if mum told me off I would always say, "I'm telling my daddy of you!". Amazing how things change.
I think I've always been a bit scared of him, he's a very overpowering person. As I got older, I think I realised how bitter he was about his life and how he had been treated by his father and it pissed me off that he hadn't decided to be different because of that. I know I will be.
I'm working through Step 8 of the AA programme at the moment and I've come across a poem that sums up where I am regarding my dad at the moment:
"Defining the Problem - Wendy Cope.
I can't forgive you. Even if I could,
You wouldn't pardon me for seeing through you.
And yet I cannot cure myself of love
For what I thought you were before I knew you."The really sad thing is that I don't even care anymore. I can't be bothered to try and live my life the way he wants me to or hold out for the possibility that he might just approve of me one day.
Emma.
Posted by beardedlady on March 20, 2002, at 5:49:59
In reply to dad, posted by ELA on March 20, 2002, at 4:46:11
This Be the Verse by Philip Larkin
They fuck you up, your mom and dad
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.Man hands on misery to man
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can
And don't have any kids yourself.
Posted by fi on March 21, 2002, at 12:30:33
In reply to dad, posted by ELA on March 20, 2002, at 4:46:11
This may seem weird to you, but the fact you dont care about what he wants for you, or seek his approval anymore, is actually the most hopeful thing I think I've read from you!
Its absolutely crucial for your own wellbeing that you *dont* care about his opinion.
It doesnt mean there wasnt and isnt still love for him- that is something quite different. In fact, its much easier to get on with your parents (and even love them) when you have stopped caring about what they think- it takes away the tension. And it means you are, quite rightly, seeing that you are adult in your own right who can make her own decisions.
I'm in my 40s so a lot older than you. My father was never as forceful as yours is, but our opinions about life and what I should do are certainly very different. This used to bother me, and I used to find him a bit scarey at times. Simply leaving home and pushing him to the outer edges of my life helped, in my early twenties.
Now I dont care what he thinks (just as well, given the incredibly tactless things he says sometimes!), and we have a relaxed relationship where we respect each other, and can agree to differ. Tho doesnt stop him trying to persuade me of his views sometimes!
So dont feel bad about not caring!
Fi
This is the end of the thread.
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