![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AKC on August 4, 2001, at 20:30:38
Okay - hope I am not driving you folks nuts.
Why is it that we can destroy our lives in a matter of moments, but it takes so much time to repair the damage?
I put 70 pounds on in a few months -- but to take it off quickly can be harmful. Not that I am capable of doing that -- starvation has never been a talent of mine -- and purging is also something I avoid.
Physically, I use to be an athlete -- to get back there would take at least two years realistically.
I spent money quickly -- it will take years to get out of debt.
I drove my friends away overnight -- it will take weeks, months, years to form new ones.
Biochemically, I've been working hard for three years to bring my body into balance -- but yet it is not quite yet there -- how else to explain the fatigue, the flu like symptoms, the come-and-go nausea.
And then tonight -- while not depressed, I'm in the mood -- so my brain, so pre-wired for destruction is going down that path - self-destructive thoughts are bombarding me left and right. I'm clear-headed enough to know them for what they are. But I have no one to share them with. No one to help me through this. I am so frigging alone. I am going nuts. I so want to go in the hospital at times like this just to not be alone. But they would mess with my meds -- and that can't be allowed -- we are getting close, I believe that. So I have to tough it out -- but I can't keep toughing it out. It is too tiring.
AKC
Posted by Willow on August 4, 2001, at 20:42:05
In reply to Repairing the Damage, posted by AKC on August 4, 2001, at 20:30:38
> And then tonight -- while not depressed, I'm in the mood -- so my brain, so pre-wired for destruction is going down that path - self-destructive thoughts are bombarding me left and right. I'm clear-headed enough to know them for what they are. But I have no one to share them with. No one to help me through this. I am so frigging alone. I am going nuts. I so want to go in the hospital at times like this just to not be alone. But they would mess with my meds -- and that can't be allowed -- we are getting close, I believe that. So I have to tough it out -- but I can't keep toughing it out. It is too tiring.
AKC
When I feel similar to what you describe it usually happens after a stressful event. I think it is just plain anxiety. I don't have a cure, but knowing it will pass helps me.Sorry I can't be much more help! Know that I'm here even if I'm not posting, ramble on if it helps. (Sorta like a good cry!) Your post "A friend pulls away" I could relate to in a different perspective. (I guess I was just being too needy.)
A month ago I went through a really rough time and survived. I'm leading to a downer mode, but suspect that you could use some cheering so off with me into my corner.
Chin up ...
Posted by dreamer on August 4, 2001, at 21:12:04
In reply to Repairing the Damage, posted by AKC on August 4, 2001, at 20:30:38
> Okay - hope I am not driving you folks nuts.
Don't concern yourself with posting it helps, well it does help me.
It's not easy for me to find words to eliviate the loneliness you feel.
Just to say hang on in there.
Wishing you well, from a fellow lonely soul.
Posted by susan C on August 4, 2001, at 21:20:47
In reply to Re: Repairing the Damage, posted by Willow on August 4, 2001, at 20:42:05
This has been a tough last four weeks for me, too, Willow. pdoc said, when I asked how do I make it until I come see you? 'take the beating' I had to hear it. Like you AKC, I know I will come out of it, I know the meds will work, I hold on to my confidence in my medical care. Even when my brain doesn't. I remember the steps going into depression are the same as coming out. I guess this may not sound very encouraging, but we don't have an encouraging illness. I just know AKC you have helped me, I hope I can return the favor. I am clapping for you, Tinkerbell.
Your electronic friend.> > And then tonight -- while not depressed, I'm in the mood -- so my brain, so pre-wired for destruction is going down that path - self-destructive thoughts are bombarding me left and right. I'm clear-headed enough to know them for what they are. But I have no one to share them with. No one to help me through this. I am so frigging alone. I am going nuts. I so want to go in the hospital at times like this just to not be alone. But they would mess with my meds -- and that can't be allowed -- we are getting close, I believe that. So I have to tough it out -- but I can't keep toughing it out. It is too tiring.
>
> AKC
> When I feel similar to what you describe it usually happens after a stressful event. I think it is just plain anxiety. I don't have a cure, but knowing it will pass helps me.
>
> Sorry I can't be much more help! Know that I'm here even if I'm not posting, ramble on if it helps. (Sorta like a good cry!) Your post "A friend pulls away" I could relate to in a different perspective. (I guess I was just being too needy.)
>
> A month ago I went through a really rough time and survived. I'm leading to a downer mode, but suspect that you could use some cheering so off with me into my corner.
>
> Chin up ...
Posted by AKC on August 4, 2001, at 21:34:36
In reply to clap for tinkerbell, posted by susan C on August 4, 2001, at 21:20:47
I have had enough sleep today -- I am not sleepy, but am so tired. I have been doing better of late -- I do think the meds are working. But I still feel so awful tonight. I do not know what is wrong with me. I've tried writing about it. It probably has to do with my mom -- she is very ill. I spoke with her last night - she had a rough week. I'm probably triggered and don't realize how. But the loneliness I keep writing about it still a big part of it. I can't stand this anymore. But I have no energy to do anything about it. And my stomach is flip-flopping again. If I put something in it, it helps -- but I'm tired of eating -- I'm big as a bus.
Posted by dreamer on August 4, 2001, at 21:52:00
In reply to How can I run so quickly out of steam?, posted by AKC on August 4, 2001, at 21:34:36
> I have had enough sleep today -- I am not sleepy, but am so tired. I have been doing better of late -- I do think the meds are working. But I still feel so awful tonight. I do not know what is wrong with me. I've tried writing about it. It probably has to do with my mom -- she is very ill. I spoke with her last night - she had a rough week. I'm probably triggered and don't realize how. But the loneliness I keep writing about it still a big part of it. I can't stand this anymore. But I have no energy to do anything about it. And my stomach is flip-flopping again. If I put something in it, it helps -- but I'm tired of eating -- I'm big as a bus.
Just an idea-don't know if you can get reboxetine in US but does suppress appetite and get you motivated.You probably don't want more meds but may help.
Posted by susan C on August 4, 2001, at 21:52:11
In reply to How can I run so quickly out of steam?, posted by AKC on August 4, 2001, at 21:34:36
> I have had enough sleep today -- I am not sleepy, but am so tired. I have been doing better of late -- I do think the meds are working. But I still feel so awful tonight. I do not know what is wrong with me. I've tried writing about it. It probably has to do with my mom -- she is very ill. I spoke with her last night - she had a rough week. I'm probably triggered and don't realize how. But the loneliness I keep writing about it still a big part of it. I can't stand this anymore. But I have no energy to do anything about it. And my stomach is flip-flopping again. If I put something in it, it helps -- but I'm tired of eating -- I'm big as a bus.
Posted by Willow on August 4, 2001, at 21:59:32
In reply to How can I run so quickly out of steam?, posted by AKC on August 4, 2001, at 21:34:36
Are you still on the effexor? Could be withdrawal or then depression.
When I'm depressed I rarely "feel" so. Hard to explain, but after battling "suicidal thoughts" and getting them somewhat under control the symptoms just went inward, physical.
Let's say it's the withdrawal, easier to deal with.
Willow
Posted by AKC on August 4, 2001, at 22:00:48
In reply to Re: How can I run so quickly out of steam? » AKC, posted by dreamer on August 4, 2001, at 21:52:00
I am on topamax which is suppressing my appetite -- but it doesn't help with the food choices I make -- the whole food thing is going to take many a therapy session. It has taken me several years to get here -- even taking away the 70 zyprexa pounds, I had a food/weight problem beforehand. Thanks for the suggestion, though.
Posted by AKC on August 4, 2001, at 22:04:06
In reply to The flu?(np), posted by susan C on August 4, 2001, at 21:52:11
I am having flu-like symptoms -- likely from Effexor XR withdrawal -- or its all in my mind from reading some of the posts on PB -- which I am not certain, because I purposely tried not to read any, knowing my doctor was going to taper my Effexor as we raised my topamax. Aren't I being nice to myself? I don't know if I am really feeling this or if I am just making it up. I didn't want to taper the med -- so is this some game I am playing with my pdoc (who is on vacation, so it is really hard to play a game with someone who is not around)?
AKC
Posted by AKC on August 4, 2001, at 22:47:17
In reply to Re: The flu? » susan C, posted by AKC on August 4, 2001, at 22:04:06
Well, I just woke my therapist up and cried on her shoulder -- she is certain its my meds -- the latest adjustments were problable not called for -- but as I have pointed out again and again and again, my pdoc is on vacation until the 6th. I'll call her fill-in tomorrow and tell him what I think I should do -- back down on the topamax and up the effexor. I should just do it, but I told my therapist I would call. She is the greatest -- she let me cry and helped me think through what I am experiencing and pointed out how well I have been doing of late -- and the fact that over the past two weeks the anxiety has been building and that we have made these latest adjustments to the meds and that it is probably med related and that I am not depressed, so suicide usually isn't called for in these circumstances, so I am okay. That is important for me to see -- even when I am alone like now -- I am okay. She cares for me a lot -- and is willing to help me so much. I wonder why -- I know it is her job, but still I wonder. I've had a lot of problems over the two years I have seen her. She has always been there for me. I'm really lucky.
I've got to get to sleep. I haven't had to take any trazadone for awhile, but I think tonight it is called for. If I can keep it down -- my stomach finally flipped-flopped.
Again, I apologize for all the rambling tonight. I just really need someone here for me -- I'm just so alone tonight.
AKC
Posted by AKC on August 4, 2001, at 23:11:00
In reply to Re: How can I run so quickly out of steam?, posted by Willow on August 4, 2001, at 21:59:32
Willow!
I missed your post, somehow! I think you are right -- as does my therapist. This is med related -- it has to be, given how well I was so recently feeling (even this morning I was in a good space). And the crappy flu like stuff for the past two weeks -- it started when I cut back the effexor -- so you are right -- let's call it withdrawal -- I'll call the pdoc in the morning.
I'm off to bed folks - no more ramblings from me tonight.
Thanks for putting up with me.
Your longwinded, barking hounddog.
Posted by AKC on August 5, 2001, at 7:00:09
In reply to Re: How can I run so quickly out of steam? » Willow, posted by AKC on August 4, 2001, at 23:11:00
8 hours have passed and noone writes -- it does hurt. I know I rambled last night. I don't know what it is I need. I know it is my body out of whack. I just need someone to help my through this storm in my head. I watched the Caveman's Valetine yesterday -- he talked about that -- the storm in his head (I think he called it something different). I'm changing my dosage this morning -- but it will take a few days for this to pass. And I have to put on my face to the world between now and then. I cannot stand this. It wasn't suppose to happen again for awhile. I don't have the strength for this. I really don't. That is the problem. And it is my fault. My pdoc didn't want to make any more changes when I last saw her. I was doing really well. But I wanted to keep going up on the topamax because of the weight loss potential. She was worried of the risk of triggering a mania, so she backed me down on the effexor. She is the expert -- yeah, I have studied a little on the topamax -- but I don't have any real knowledge -- I trust my doctor, or at least I say I do. I am just unwilling to do the hard work it will take to lose this weight -- diet and exercise. I wanted a quick fix. A magic pill. So look what I got. Another episode. I cannot do this. It is much too soon. I am not strong enough.
Posted by lissa on August 5, 2001, at 7:29:36
In reply to Feeling alone and needy, posted by AKC on August 5, 2001, at 7:00:09
AKC --
I'm not great with advice, you know. The last time I wrote, you expressed concerns about your weight and I said, "Hey, go nuts, try doughnuts." :0)
When I was depressed and under stress my mind would tend to do the same thing a lot: ruminate, ruminate, ruminate. I'm not trying to minimize your difficulties. You truly seem to be going through a difficult time, but I think you need to find yourself a diversion.
Psychology-related diversions: www.mentalhelp.net/psyhelp (an e-book, gave me a few ideas, anyway); also: www.queendom.com (has online tests with good feedback -- somewhat helpful). Non-psychology stuff (and this is what I'd gravitate towards if I were in your shoes): www.salon.com or www.aldaily.com.
Also: is there anything you've been wanting to go out and do? A new neighborhood to check out? Go out for coffee? Get off the computer? It may seem to you that you need to "understand your problems": research them on the computer, write about them -- but often the best thing to do to help yourself is getting away from them by going out and doing something you've been wanting to do.
hope you are feeling better soon (keep writing if you need to, we're here ...)
lissa
Posted by AKC on August 5, 2001, at 13:14:05
In reply to Re: Feeling alone and needy, posted by lissa on August 5, 2001, at 7:29:36
www.queendom.com
www.salon.com
www.aldaily.comThe trouble with the internet is there is so much stuff!! These are great sites -- I have already done some of the surveys at Queendom.com. I'm not lazy (as I would like to think), but do have some debt problems. I love the name of the site, if nothing else. And the arts and literature site is wonderful. Thanks for the diversion.
AKC
Posted by Glenn Fagelson on August 6, 2001, at 21:58:21
In reply to Re: How can I run so quickly out of steam? » dreamer, posted by AKC on August 4, 2001, at 22:00:48
> I am on topamax which is suppressing my appetite -- but it doesn't help with the food choices I make -- the whole food thing is going to take many a therapy session. It has taken me several years to get here -- even taking away the 70 zyprexa pounds, I had a food/weight problem beforehand. Thanks for the suggestion, though.
Dear AKC,
I was on Topomax about 8 months ago; it
made me feel so, so...tired and listless! I
hated the stuff.Glenn
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.