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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tina on June 27, 2001, at 13:48:40
not a good week. Feel like no one in the world cares if I'm alive or dead. I might get one or two post replies here that say "that isn't true" but it won't make a bit of difference you know. I don't know any of you and you don't know me so why would you bother saying something you don't mean just to be nice? I'd rather have honesty than placation.
I'm not saying anything against anyone here and it's nice to know that someone cares but my disease prevents me from believing it when it is told to me. I wish I could trust what people say but too many times it is proven that I should not. One day they care and the next, I am invisible.
I just get disappointed and hurt if I open my heart and yet I still keep doing it and getting hurt over and over. How dumb can one person be?
Posted by AKC on June 27, 2001, at 15:03:13
In reply to I feel invisible, posted by tina on June 27, 2001, at 13:48:40
I can so relate to the despair and loneliness - even in this crowded world we live in. I have group therapy, and therapy, and work, and AA and al-anon, and now this board - so many avenues, so many connections, but still alone. And so often, so let down. Only recently have I begun to realize that I can only look to a few, maybe only one or two to really trust right now. One is my therapist. And I am fortunate to have one really, really close friend. Though we have had our share of rough times, we have made it through somehow. The thing with that friend is that I don't share the details of my despair with her much anymore. Just that I am having a rough time - she shares her care and concern - it's enough - I can believe her. I have myself gotten so tired of the rejection and the judgment that I have now limited myself to my therapy - both individual and group - for sharing the really deep stuff. Even there it still is hard at times - even there my depression, low self-worth can convince me that my therapist dislikes me, that I don't belong in group. But I am lucky today - today is a better day. And I just hope, for both you Tina and me, that we both can have just one more better day.
Posted by Willow on June 27, 2001, at 20:30:44
In reply to Re: I feel invisible, posted by AKC on June 27, 2001, at 15:03:13
Tina
Didn't you say you lived in Ottawa. Before I became ill, it was my favourite city for dog shows. I would go up to the parliament buildings in the evening and just lie on the grass watching the sunset and all the people. Try it and let me know what it's like. Maybe not tonight because I think I may have blown some rain your way?My brother-in-law has moved to Ottawa. If you ever need a real person's shoulder to cry on, I can try reaching him for you. Nothing kinky, he has a beau, but he is good at listening.
This muggy stuff will blow away soon! Chin up ...
Blowing Willow
Posted by geekUK on June 27, 2001, at 20:56:13
In reply to I feel invisible, posted by tina on June 27, 2001, at 13:48:40
hey i'll try not to give a 'sympathy 101' response
but also dont take this the wrong way.
well bluntly, I can see your post, I dont see you true. so at least some area of you is visible in some sense. whats more people who dont see the physical you care enough to send some kind words to the non-physical you. so I guess the conclusion to this comes streight outta 'humanity 101' so I am to sickened to write it, but i beleive its true.
au-reveua!
M
Posted by Rach on June 27, 2001, at 22:27:18
In reply to I feel invisible, posted by tina on June 27, 2001, at 13:48:40
Tina,
I am feeling particularly lonely right now, and the more time I actually spend with people, the worse it gets, especially once I am on my own again. Not quite the same thing as feeling invisible, but a similar feeling, I think.
I really don't know where I'm going with this post. Trying not to say something along the lines of "that isn't true", because if you are feeling & thinking you are invisible, then that's what you feel, so of course it isn't wrong.
All I can say is that I hope you are feeling better. I too keep opening my heart to people (one person in particular), only to have it squeezed dry in front of my face. This one person continually hurts me, and I keep giving him the power to do it. Sometimes I am amazed at my own stupidity & willingness to be hurt.
Love you, Tina, even if you don't believe it.
Hope you get some sense from this post. I haven't!:)
Posted by tina on June 28, 2001, at 9:26:38
In reply to I feel invisible in Ottawa, posted by Willow on June 27, 2001, at 20:30:44
I would love to give your Parliament Hill suggestion a try but I can't go downtown. I have riotous panic attacks at the very thought.
There is a park down the street, maybe I'll try it ther instead.
Tina
> Didn't you say you lived in Ottawa. Before I became ill, it was my favourite city for dog shows. I would go up to the parliament buildings in the evening and just lie on the grass watching the sunset and all the people. Try it and let me know what it's like. Maybe not tonight because I think I may have blown some rain your way?
>
> My brother-in-law has moved to Ottawa. If you ever need a real person's shoulder to cry on, I can try reaching him for you. Nothing kinky, he has a beau, but he is good at listening.
>
> This muggy stuff will blow away soon! Chin up ...
>
> Blowing Willow
Posted by tina on June 28, 2001, at 9:30:06
In reply to Re: I feel invisible, posted by Rach on June 27, 2001, at 22:27:18
Rach
YOu hit the nail right on the head. Why do we keep doing this? Is it our fault or theirs?
Do we deserve this for some reason?
I never do find any answers to these questions and I keep looking. I think I should just stop looking.
thanks for responding Rach. I've missed you.
love ya
Tina,
>
> I am feeling particularly lonely right now, and the more time I actually spend with people, the worse it gets, especially once I am on my own again. Not quite the same thing as feeling invisible, but a similar feeling, I think.
>
> I really don't know where I'm going with this post. Trying not to say something along the lines of "that isn't true", because if you are feeling & thinking you are invisible, then that's what you feel, so of course it isn't wrong.
>
> All I can say is that I hope you are feeling better. I too keep opening my heart to people (one person in particular), only to have it squeezed dry in front of my face. This one person continually hurts me, and I keep giving him the power to do it. Sometimes I am amazed at my own stupidity & willingness to be hurt.
>
> Love you, Tina, even if you don't believe it.
> Hope you get some sense from this post. I haven't!
>
> :)
Posted by tina on June 28, 2001, at 9:32:04
In reply to Re: I feel invisible » tina, posted by geekUK on June 27, 2001, at 20:56:13
Very reasonable geek. Sometimes my 'rational' mind doesn't function and needs to be butt-kicked.
humanity 101 isnt my stong suit these days.
Tina
> hey i'll try not to give a 'sympathy 101' response
> but also dont take this the wrong way.
> well bluntly, I can see your post, I dont see you true. so at least some area of you is visible in some sense. whats more people who dont see the physical you care enough to send some kind words to the non-physical you. so I guess the conclusion to this comes streight outta 'humanity 101' so I am to sickened to write it, but i beleive its true.
> au-reveua!
> M
Posted by yo-wazzzup on June 28, 2001, at 17:12:15
In reply to I feel invisible, posted by tina on June 27, 2001, at 13:48:40
'ADD-A-TUDE'
She was dealt a rough hand from the start...
Confused emotions, pre-coceived notions, life wasn't so sweet
Kaotic days, sleepless nights, future so bleak
A journey to take
Footprints to make
Cautiously, she proceeded
Faced with tribulations, she refused to be defeatedWho was she? Where was she? At times she didn't know
Day by day, down the unbeaten path she did go
One step forward, three back
A will to survive keeps her on track
A stumble, sometimes a fall
When she couldn't get up, she tried to crawlSecluded, she discovered other women ventured the road less travelled too
Caring direction & hopeful insite filtered through
SOMETHING INSIDE HER KEPT INSISTING LIFE WAS FOR LIVING, NOT MERELY EXISTING
Bit by bit her strength grew
Precise destiny,she never knewShe dreamt of passion iin all she did
Behind the scars & hurt she often hid
Abuse murders ones soul, fortunately every dusk has it's dawn
Her spirit returned, once she took control & moved on
One day in her deepest pain
She reviewed her journey & what she had gainedShe'll never forget...but her losses have subsided
No longer dominant, her trials & experiences became tools provided
A mirror image, her life's goal
All the fragments came together completing a whole
A future empowered & knowledge to impart, life consists of 10% what comes her way & 90% reaction, she realized that day
She'd completed her journey to heart...
I wrote that four or five years ago when I was in denial. I've never dealt with any of my issues to any extent. I'm the queen of de'nile (recently admitted it wasn't only a river in egypt). I don't need therapy-that's for weak individuals.HAHAHA Boy, was I walkin' around dazes & confused. I've been abused so many times I've lost count. Part of it is a learned behavior. Part is my desire to prove there is good in people. Nieve? maybe?!? I tend to believe it's a type of self destructive behavior. IF SOMEONE HURTS YOU ONCE - SHAME ON THEM!IF SOMEONE HURTS YOU TWICE - SHAME ON YOU!!!(advice I give but never follow) Used, taken advantage of...etc. PICK ME, PICK ME!!! There are some nasty indiviuals out there. I dish out awesome advice, trouble is, I'm crappy @ following it. (do as I say, not as I do) You are not alone. You arn't the first to have those feelings & you certainly won't be the last. I'd lay bets on that.> I just get disappointed and hurt if I open my heart and yet I still keep doing it and getting hurt over and over. How dumb can one person be?
Posted by tina on June 29, 2001, at 9:16:09
In reply to Re: I feel invisible, posted by yo-wazzzup on June 28, 2001, at 17:12:15
Thank you wazzzup. Talk about perspective. That poem is great. Do you mind if I print it out and keep it?
thanks again
hugs
tina> 'ADD-A-TUDE'
> She was dealt a rough hand from the start...
> Confused emotions, pre-coceived notions, life wasn't so sweet
> Kaotic days, sleepless nights, future so bleak
> A journey to take
> Footprints to make
> Cautiously, she proceeded
> Faced with tribulations, she refused to be defeated
>
> Who was she? Where was she? At times she didn't know
> Day by day, down the unbeaten path she did go
> One step forward, three back
> A will to survive keeps her on track
> A stumble, sometimes a fall
> When she couldn't get up, she tried to crawl
>
> Secluded, she discovered other women ventured the road less travelled too
> Caring direction & hopeful insite filtered through
> SOMETHING INSIDE HER KEPT INSISTING LIFE WAS FOR LIVING, NOT MERELY EXISTING
> Bit by bit her strength grew
> Precise destiny,she never knew
>
> She dreamt of passion iin all she did
> Behind the scars & hurt she often hid
> Abuse murders ones soul, fortunately every dusk has it's dawn
> Her spirit returned, once she took control & moved on
> One day in her deepest pain
> She reviewed her journey & what she had gained
>
> She'll never forget...but her losses have subsided
> No longer dominant, her trials & experiences became tools provided
> A mirror image, her life's goal
> All the fragments came together completing a whole
> A future empowered & knowledge to impart, life consists of 10% what comes her way & 90% reaction, she realized that day
> She'd completed her journey to heart...
>
>
> I wrote that four or five years ago when I was in denial. I've never dealt with any of my issues to any extent. I'm the queen of de'nile (recently admitted it wasn't only a river in egypt). I don't need therapy-that's for weak individuals.HAHAHA Boy, was I walkin' around dazes & confused. I've been abused so many times I've lost count. Part of it is a learned behavior. Part is my desire to prove there is good in people. Nieve? maybe?!? I tend to believe it's a type of self destructive behavior. IF SOMEONE HURTS YOU ONCE - SHAME ON THEM!IF SOMEONE HURTS YOU TWICE - SHAME ON YOU!!!(advice I give but never follow) Used, taken advantage of...etc. PICK ME, PICK ME!!! There are some nasty indiviuals out there. I dish out awesome advice, trouble is, I'm crappy @ following it. (do as I say, not as I do) You are not alone. You arn't the first to have those feelings & you certainly won't be the last. I'd lay bets on that.
>
> > I just get disappointed and hurt if I open my heart and yet I still keep doing it and getting hurt over and over. How dumb can one person be?
Posted by yo-wazzzup on June 29, 2001, at 10:28:53
In reply to Re: I feel invisible » yo-wazzzup, posted by tina on June 29, 2001, at 9:16:09
You are more than welcome. Sure u can print it. It was for u , to keep, to ignore, to do what ever with. I wanted to share it with u. I thought u needed to hear it.
See, it's not so superficial to show you care over the net. I think (in general)the posters on this site are genuine in regards to their concern. We may not ever meet in person but our lives have crossed paths & our hearts are connected. (is that too sappy?)
> Thank you wazzzup. Talk about perspective. That poem is great. Do you mind if I print it out and keep it?
> thanks again
> hugs
> tina
>
> > 'ADD-A-TUDE'
> > She was dealt a rough hand from the start...
> > Confused emotions, pre-coceived notions, life wasn't so sweet
> > Kaotic days, sleepless nights, future so bleak
> > A journey to take
> > Footprints to make
> > Cautiously, she proceeded
> > Faced with tribulations, she refused to be defeated
> >
> > Who was she? Where was she? At times she didn't know
> > Day by day, down the unbeaten path she did go
> > One step forward, three back
> > A will to survive keeps her on track
> > A stumble, sometimes a fall
> > When she couldn't get up, she tried to crawl
> >
> > Secluded, she discovered other women ventured the road less travelled too
> > Caring direction & hopeful insite filtered through
> > SOMETHING INSIDE HER KEPT INSISTING LIFE WAS FOR LIVING, NOT MERELY EXISTING
> > Bit by bit her strength grew
> > Precise destiny,she never knew
> >
> > She dreamt of passion iin all she did
> > Behind the scars & hurt she often hid
> > Abuse murders ones soul, fortunately every dusk has it's dawn
> > Her spirit returned, once she took control & moved on
> > One day in her deepest pain
> > She reviewed her journey & what she had gained
> >
> > She'll never forget...but her losses have subsided
> > No longer dominant, her trials & experiences became tools provided
> > A mirror image, her life's goal
> > All the fragments came together completing a whole
> > A future empowered & knowledge to impart, life consists of 10% what comes her way & 90% reaction, she realized that day
> > She'd completed her journey to heart...
> >
> >
> > I wrote that four or five years ago when I was in denial. I've never dealt with any of my issues to any extent. I'm the queen of de'nile (recently admitted it wasn't only a river in egypt). I don't need therapy-that's for weak individuals.HAHAHA Boy, was I walkin' around dazes & confused. I've been abused so many times I've lost count. Part of it is a learned behavior. Part is my desire to prove there is good in people. Nieve? maybe?!? I tend to believe it's a type of self destructive behavior. IF SOMEONE HURTS YOU ONCE - SHAME ON THEM!IF SOMEONE HURTS YOU TWICE - SHAME ON YOU!!!(advice I give but never follow) Used, taken advantage of...etc. PICK ME, PICK ME!!! There are some nasty indiviuals out there. I dish out awesome advice, trouble is, I'm crappy @ following it. (do as I say, not as I do) You are not alone. You arn't the first to have those feelings & you certainly won't be the last. I'd lay bets on that.
> >
> > > I just get disappointed and hurt if I open my heart and yet I still keep doing it and getting hurt over and over. How dumb can one person be?
Posted by geekUK on June 29, 2001, at 21:12:56
In reply to Re: I feel invisible » geekUK, posted by tina on June 28, 2001, at 9:32:04
101'ism
something like 'isn't it great that everyone cares so much about each other!, makes you wonder why theres so much hate/war in the world'
must be said with acid-warped stepford wife mask tilted to one side to get true effect.
This is the end of the thread.
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