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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mila on March 29, 2001, at 3:07:07
I am afraid of psychotherapy. I had my first session today, and it was totally unremarkable besides the fact that several hours afterwards I started trembling, felt exhausted, feeble, and fell asleep in the middle of the day.
what confuses me most is that I do not want to go 'back to normalcy', i do not like the way i am now, and i do not want to change for the better. I do not really understand what are my choices or wants. partly this might be due to the effect of Paxil which makes me very apathetic. partly, because i am very very tired of waking uphill. way to the top seems far away, as well as way to the bottom, and i cannot live where i am now either.
this is very perplexing to me. part of me wishes that therapist did something to me that i haven't been able to achieve on my own, and other part fears, that it might mutilate me in ways i cannot foreseen.
what's wrong with me? maybe i do not feel desperate enough?
I'll try to sit still for a while and see whether some answer will emerge.
mila
Posted by ShelliR on March 29, 2001, at 11:57:16
In reply to afraid of psychotherapy, posted by mila on March 29, 2001, at 3:07:07
> I am afraid of psychotherapy. I had my first session today, and it was totally unremarkable besides the fact that several hours afterwards I started trembling, felt exhausted, feeble, and fell asleep in the middle of the day.
>
> what confuses me most is that I do not want to go 'back to normalcy', i do not like the way i am now, and i do not want to change for the better. I do not really understand what are my choices or wants. partly this might be due to the effect of Paxil which makes me very apathetic. partly, because i am very very tired of waking uphill. way to the top seems far away, as well as way to the bottom, and i cannot live where i am now either.
>
> this is very perplexing to me. part of me wishes that therapist did something to me that i haven't been able to achieve on my own, and other part fears, that it might mutilate me in ways i cannot foreseen.
>
> what's wrong with me? maybe i do not feel desperate enough?
>
> I'll try to sit still for a while and see whether some answer will emerge.
>
> milaMila, two thoughts. First, maybe you need to add something to Paxil, so that you will not feel so apathetic. Second. Maybe just think about a few things you might want to change about yourself, or your life. Looking up too far or back to far is probably overwhelming. Maybe start out in therapy talking about where you are right now and why you don't want to change for the what you call "the better". ShelliR
p.s. I thought your description of where you are now was really clear and quite beautiful.
Posted by mila on March 29, 2001, at 20:41:37
In reply to Re: afraid of psychotherapy, posted by ShelliR on March 29, 2001, at 11:57:16
Shelli, darling,
thank you for your terrific support and words of advice. you are so right. I will tackle it one thing at a time.
i also will reduce the dose of Paxil i am taking to 15mg ( I've been on 20, and even that is too much for my sensitive brains). Paxil also makes me feel so happy, that I start slipping into thinking that I might avoid therapy altogether. I know that is not true, however. From my own experience, and from statistics, I know that anxiety will return, unless I undergo CBT.
thank you Shelli, god bless your generous heart and wisdom.
mila
Posted by stjames on March 29, 2001, at 21:44:50
In reply to afraid of psychotherapy, posted by mila on March 29, 2001, at 3:07:07
> I am afraid of psychotherapy. I had my first session today, and it was totally unremarkable besides the fact that several hours afterwards I started trembling, felt exhausted, feeble, and fell asleep in the middle of the day.
>James here.....
Don't expect changes in just a few sessions from psycotherapy. This will take time to work just as it took time to get the way you are today.
James
Posted by mila on March 30, 2001, at 7:24:59
In reply to Re: afraid of psychotherapy, posted by stjames on March 29, 2001, at 21:44:50
dear James,
thank you for talking to me. I have a special sympathy for you. every post of yours on these boards is a delight to read. you are such a darling of a person. I'd been very crestfallen when you changed your name to pat. James is so much better, although I love your real name even more.
I do expect therapeutic changes to be faster than the 'time that got me there', otherwise, I'd have to be in therapy for 27 years (LOL)! that is why I chose CBT instead of psychoanalysis!
mila
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