Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 562381

Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 31. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

New therapist

Posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16

I don't know yet. She's ok with long term therapy. That's good. She seems nice enough, but pretty and stylish enough to be a bit intimidating to me. (How do people manage to walk in backless sandals without falling down?)

It was mostly dry discussions of the get to know you sort. Whenever something more delicate came up, I pretty much shut down and went blank. :(

I wonder if a woman can possibly help me feel safe. My significant positive caretaking figures have almost all been men. She doesn't have a deep voice, or a way of saying that everything will be ok, even when it's pretty obvious it won't be. :(((((

As far as the rest of my life... Well, some of you might remember my emetophobia. I'm scared of people throwing up around me. I had gotten it a lot under control, but in the stress of the hurricane and everything, it's come back full force.

My inlaws are living with us. My grandmother in law overexerted herself climbing up the four inch and six inch threshold to our house (that kept us from flooding, blessed thresholds) and promptly threw up. I was instantly thrown back into my adolescent fear and tried desparately to get away. I couldn't. My tire was flat. I had nowhere to go anyway. My mother's house isn't really liveable, and it's long been contaminated anyway. (She is planning to live there though, while she's fixing stuff up.) My office is destroyed, although we have moved to a barely habitable one that at least has a roof. But I can't stay there.

So I called my pdoc (who incidentally will probably also be relocating to another city so I'll have to either find a new one or transfer my meds management to my internist). He increased my Risperdal from .25 mg as infrequently needed to 1 mg twice a day. With that, added klonopin, and spending my time holed up in my study or our bedroom with the doors closed and the tv all the way up (with videos because we have no tv service) or with my ipod blasting in my earphones, I've managed - barely - to stay here. I spent more than one night curled up on the floor of my closet.

I feel terrible. I like my inlaws. My father in law is my favorite relative on either side of the family. But I can't shake this obsessive fear, and I've been avoiding them like the plague. I just feel terrible.

My husband is trying to find alternative housing for them, and in fact found a place in an assisted living facility in another city (nothing in our area). But my father in law is declining so rapidly that we're not sure assisted living will be enough. We're worried about sending him there when what he may need is a nursing home. The assisted living facility has assured my husband that they will be able to handle it, and if they can't they can help place him where he'll get the care they need.

I'm worried about that very dear man. He isn't eating or drinking enough and is growing weaker and weaker. His depression at his wife's death in December is being compounded by effectively being homeless temporarily and losing most of his possessions permanently. He's wasting away before our eyes.

And I worry that we are getting rid of them by sending them someplace out of the city. But there is nothing in the city, and both my husband and I work and basically they are not getting the care they need here at the house. And most of the sitting services have lost most of their workers. Not that our house can accomodate another person. The dogs are being boarded as it is because the inlaws are so fragile.

My *real* therapist (sigh), and my new therapist both assure me that we're doing the right thing. There are just no services in the city. Even if I didn't have these obsessions to deal with, we can't spend the time taking care of them because we're both working as well as dealing with the disaster around us. Yet I know if it weren't for the fact that I can't bear to stay here with my obsessions my husband would try harder to keep them here. I feel so terrible. I wish I could explain to them, but my husband doesn't want them to know. So they just think I don't like them, and that I'm a rude b*tch.

The stress is unbelievable. I'm trying to occupy myself with the idea of moving to Huntsville, but in the back of my mind is the idea that maybe my therapy isn't really over forever, and that my son's school is absolutely perfect for him and there is no equivilant school in Huntsville, and that neither my husband and I have ever had another job in our entire working lives. College (or before college for me) and twenty years later we're still here. I'm not sure that stress would be any less than this stress.

But at least it's keeping me busy.

I could take all of it, if I had my therapist. And I made him defensive and irritated telling him so (GOOD!!!!).

I guess the good news is that I finally believe that I am special to him, not just another client, and that he cares for me as much as someone not related by blood or marriage can care for someone.

The bad news is that that doesn't matter one whit.

How do you make tears in writing?

 

Re: New therapist » Dinah

Posted by orchid on October 3, 2005, at 17:02:04

In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16

Oh.. I am so sorry you are living with such un believable amount of stress.

Katrina has turned your life upside down completely.

I am glad you found a new T. But maybe as you said, you probably need a male T to give you the level of support you need in times of so much of stress. Female Ts are usually better for women, but I think for you a male T might be definitely better, and maybe will give you the strength and support you need. Is there a way to find a male T?

Regarding your father-in-law, I think it is a right decision to atleast temporarily to place him in an assisted living facility. With both of you working, and with your personal difficulties with mental health and physical health, and with the recent disaster and consequences in your life now, it might be a good idea to atleast place him temporarily in an assisted livign facility. When your life gets back on trace, maybe you can think of getting him back with you (maybe after a few months), so you can take care of him. But with Katrina, and possible relocation to a new city, and maybe finding new jobs for both of you and a new school for your son, plus losing your T, and your health concerns, dealing with a sick in law may not be realistically possible. Neither it is good for him.

I think atleast till you get your lives back in track, asking him to stay in a facility is not a bad idea. There is nothing to feel guilty about it either.

I am glad your T made you feel special. You deserve it.

 

Re: New therapist » orchid

Posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 18:11:45

In reply to Re: New therapist » Dinah, posted by orchid on October 3, 2005, at 17:02:04

It's funny. When Harry died I couldn't bear to get another dog of the same breed, and I feel the same way about therapists. I wanted one as different from mine as possible. Hence a woman.

Maybe it will give me some needed insight about things that a man doesn't know about. Who knows.

It's so strange how I had so much trouble telling her anything delicate. I've done it in the past with specialist therapists. I guess I figure it's not safe to go into those things now because I don't have my therapist.

It may still not be permanent... He may be in a position to see me some day.

But I don't have a good feeling about it. It feels to me like he's left private practice behind and found a new and exciting venture to make tons and tons of money by travelling a lot.

I guess I'm not surprised he married an independent woman who doesn't mind her husband being gone all the time. He always admitted to having trouble with dependent women.

Sigh.

Why couldn't she be a needy woman who doesn't want him to be gone for such long periods of time. :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

 

Re: New therapist » Dinah

Posted by orchid on October 3, 2005, at 18:25:56

In reply to Re: New therapist » orchid, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 18:11:45

I can quite understand the feeling of not wanting to go a male therapist. Part of the reason why I chose a female T as my second T was due to that.

You are also right about the possibility of having different view points from a female T.

But I possibly may not have been comfortable with a striking looking female T or female T of my age. My female T was 20 years older to me, and it felt comfortable. I wonder if I would have been quite that comfortable with a 30 + female T. I might have had lot of tendency to compare myself unfavourably with her. I even had that tendency with my male T also. I used to wish why I wasn't like him !!

Your real T might have wanted to do something different for a long time. Perhaps it is a growth for him that he is entitled to. But I am glad he continues to keep in touch with you and offers you help. I think you deserve that after all the hard efforts that you have invested in your relationship with your real T. (you should invent a better name for your real T :-) to refer to now that you have two Ts)

I hope all goes well for you.

 

Re: New therapist

Posted by rubenstein on October 3, 2005, at 19:44:01

In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16

Dinah I can't imagine the pain you are going through. I don't know you, but think of you every day. Please take care, sorry I have no words to comfort you.

Rachel

 

((((dinah))))) I'm so sorry for all of your loss.

Posted by madeline on October 3, 2005, at 20:42:15

In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16

I know things are tough right now, but it sounds as though you are surviving with your wits intact. Be good to yourself, spend more time in the closet and be free to do what you feel is best for you.

I wish I could magically make all of this go away.

Just know that we are all here for you.

 

Re: New therapist » Dinah

Posted by frida on October 3, 2005, at 21:03:51

In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16

Dear Dinah,
I'm in tears thinking about all the stress you're going through and what is happening with your therapist.
I'm relieved that he did make you feel he cares about you deeply after all you have shared together.
This seems like a horrible nightmare :-(
I hope you can see him, I feel that you two care so deeply, that you'll find a way to continue T with him...
I hope you can feel some connection with the new T.

i'm so sorry.
my heart goes out to you

thinking of you and sending you all my support
Frida


> I don't know yet. She's ok with long term therapy. That's good. She seems nice enough, but pretty and stylish enough to be a bit intimidating to me. (How do people manage to walk in backless sandals without falling down?)
>
> It was mostly dry discussions of the get to know you sort. Whenever something more delicate came up, I pretty much shut down and went blank. :(
>
> I wonder if a woman can possibly help me feel safe. My significant positive caretaking figures have almost all been men. She doesn't have a deep voice, or a way of saying that everything will be ok, even when it's pretty obvious it won't be. :(((((
>
> As far as the rest of my life... Well, some of you might remember my emetophobia. I'm scared of people throwing up around me. I had gotten it a lot under control, but in the stress of the hurricane and everything, it's come back full force.
>
> My inlaws are living with us. My grandmother in law overexerted herself climbing up the four inch and six inch threshold to our house (that kept us from flooding, blessed thresholds) and promptly threw up. I was instantly thrown back into my adolescent fear and tried desparately to get away. I couldn't. My tire was flat. I had nowhere to go anyway. My mother's house isn't really liveable, and it's long been contaminated anyway. (She is planning to live there though, while she's fixing stuff up.) My office is destroyed, although we have moved to a barely habitable one that at least has a roof. But I can't stay there.
>
> So I called my pdoc (who incidentally will probably also be relocating to another city so I'll have to either find a new one or transfer my meds management to my internist). He increased my Risperdal from .25 mg as infrequently needed to 1 mg twice a day. With that, added klonopin, and spending my time holed up in my study or our bedroom with the doors closed and the tv all the way up (with videos because we have no tv service) or with my ipod blasting in my earphones, I've managed - barely - to stay here. I spent more than one night curled up on the floor of my closet.
>
> I feel terrible. I like my inlaws. My father in law is my favorite relative on either side of the family. But I can't shake this obsessive fear, and I've been avoiding them like the plague. I just feel terrible.
>
> My husband is trying to find alternative housing for them, and in fact found a place in an assisted living facility in another city (nothing in our area). But my father in law is declining so rapidly that we're not sure assisted living will be enough. We're worried about sending him there when what he may need is a nursing home. The assisted living facility has assured my husband that they will be able to handle it, and if they can't they can help place him where he'll get the care they need.
>
> I'm worried about that very dear man. He isn't eating or drinking enough and is growing weaker and weaker. His depression at his wife's death in December is being compounded by effectively being homeless temporarily and losing most of his possessions permanently. He's wasting away before our eyes.
>
> And I worry that we are getting rid of them by sending them someplace out of the city. But there is nothing in the city, and both my husband and I work and basically they are not getting the care they need here at the house. And most of the sitting services have lost most of their workers. Not that our house can accomodate another person. The dogs are being boarded as it is because the inlaws are so fragile.
>
> My *real* therapist (sigh), and my new therapist both assure me that we're doing the right thing. There are just no services in the city. Even if I didn't have these obsessions to deal with, we can't spend the time taking care of them because we're both working as well as dealing with the disaster around us. Yet I know if it weren't for the fact that I can't bear to stay here with my obsessions my husband would try harder to keep them here. I feel so terrible. I wish I could explain to them, but my husband doesn't want them to know. So they just think I don't like them, and that I'm a rude b*tch.
>
> The stress is unbelievable. I'm trying to occupy myself with the idea of moving to Huntsville, but in the back of my mind is the idea that maybe my therapy isn't really over forever, and that my son's school is absolutely perfect for him and there is no equivilant school in Huntsville, and that neither my husband and I have ever had another job in our entire working lives. College (or before college for me) and twenty years later we're still here. I'm not sure that stress would be any less than this stress.
>
> But at least it's keeping me busy.
>
> I could take all of it, if I had my therapist. And I made him defensive and irritated telling him so (GOOD!!!!).
>
> I guess the good news is that I finally believe that I am special to him, not just another client, and that he cares for me as much as someone not related by blood or marriage can care for someone.
>
> The bad news is that that doesn't matter one whit.
>
> How do you make tears in writing?

 

((((((Dinah)))))) » Dinah

Posted by crushedout on October 3, 2005, at 21:20:23

In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16

I'm glad you're seeing a new T and I know how hard that is. I wish I knew what else to say. I am hopeful for you, but I know how hard it can be to feel hopeful for yourself. i wish i could hug you.

 

Re: New therapist » Dinah

Posted by Annierose on October 3, 2005, at 21:43:12

In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16

It was only the first session. I think it's okay that you didn't feel comfortable sharing everything at first. It takes time to build a new relationship, and time to get to know one another's communicative style. Especially for you, your superb way with words, I imagined you'll need sometime to understand her verbal prose. The fact that you are willing to see her again, is the first step (okay, the second step).

I am one of the few babblers with a female T. I think one can become just as attached, or not, with a woman. My T is beautiful too, but not intimidating. And as much as I could possibly feel comfortable talking about sex to anyone, I do feel I can attempt these conversations to the best of my ability.

Maybe you haven't talked to her enough to hear her voice that tells you everything will be okay. But you will.

Trust that your father-in-law knows what a difficult time this is for everybody. He knows you enough to know that you are not a b*tch. I would be one to let him know why I am hiding in my bedroom, so he wouldn't take it personally. Your husband must have reasons why he wants to keep that information secretive.

When do you see T2 again? And are you able to see your main T once a week still?

Thinking about you,
Annie

 

Re: New therapist » Dinah

Posted by fallsfall on October 3, 2005, at 21:56:46

In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16

Dinah,

I am so proud of you for going to see the new therapist.

I am so proud of you for going to see the new therapist.

And you are such a caring and compassionate person. Your in-laws know that. Why is your husband so adamant about "hiding" your phobia?

I wish your father-in-law strength and hope for the future.

I wish for you comfort and (even small) periods of peace.

I think that you are doing an admirable job in an impossible situation.

 

Re: New therapist » Dinah

Posted by Poet on October 3, 2005, at 22:05:15

In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16

Hi Dinah,

I know how much T1 meant to you. Try to give T2 a chance- you barely know each other, maybe a female T can make you feel safe.

I don't think a male therapist would make me feel anymore safe than my female one does. I guess it's because I don't see her as a mommy, but someone who accepts and understands me. Right now T's understanding is a bit lacking, but she accepts me phobias, fears, self hatred and all.

You are under so much stress, I can't imagine how you are coping. I'd be screaming and climbing the walls.

I think you should trust the assited living staff to know if your father-in-law needs more intensive care. I know that you want to help him yourself, but you have so much else to cope with right now, this might be too much for you.

They probably would like to get back to living in their own space. In any case they better not think you are being a rude b*tch for needing some personal time.

You are special to T1- I can tell by the posts you've done about therapy. I hope you become special to T2 or 3 or however many it takes before you find the one that is the perfect match for you. Don't say there isn't one. If I can get a T to care about stubborn, difficult, hostile me, there is one for stubborn, difficult, more concerned than hostile you.

I don't know what the cyber abbreviation for tears should be. Maybe ''''? In which case, we need a cyber abbreviation for tissues.

Safe cyber hugs. (((((((((((Dinah)))))))))))

Poet

 

Re: New therapist

Posted by LadyBug on October 3, 2005, at 22:35:48

In reply to Re: New therapist » Dinah, posted by Poet on October 3, 2005, at 22:05:15

I have a female T. and I love her and can't even imaging going to a male. But then my childhood issues had to do with my mom but that shouldn't matter. I think females are more emotionaly understanding about other females. The first time I saw her, my first thought was, she's kinda nerdy!!! But I didn't care, I needed some major help and was willing to talk to a rock at the time!! We've grown so close over the years.
I know it will be a challenge for you to "start over" with someone else. Your REAL T knows everything about you. It will take time for the new T. to get to know you. But look at it this way, you will learn from her and everything you learned from your Real T. will stay will you!!! FOREVER, that is what is comforting about it. You have him inside of you and nothing can change that. So getting to know a new T. will take time. I'm proud of you for going to a new one. You need the support right now. I wish I could rebuild your home and everything could go back to normal, what ever normal was. Hang Tough Dinah!!! You've been through a lot!!!!
Hugs and Thoughts always
LadyBug

 

Re: New therapist » Dinah

Posted by fairywings on October 3, 2005, at 23:50:20

In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16

OMGosh Dinah,

Just reading this my heart just bleeds for you. How does one person endure so much heartache? I agree, the new T doesn't sound warm and fuzzy. It would be so hard to trust, to open up in normal times, let alone in a time like this, when you need someone so desparately. No, "just pretty enough to be intimidating", doesn't work for therapy. A comfortable man, no matter how young, old, fat, thin, handsome, or ugly, as long as he's comfy, sounds like that's what you need until you can get back to your T. Nothing against female T's, but I'm the same way, something about attachment, I just don't attach to female T's, they're more like an aunt or something.

As for your father in law. I am so dearly sorry for you and for your husband, it has to be heartwrenching for both of you because you love him so much. And I'm sorry for him because he misses his wife. My grandfather went through that when his wife died, I think a lot of older ppl do, they just want to be with their loved one again.

You have all been dealt a hand that is so out of your control, no one could have seen it coming. The rug has truly been pulled out from under you. This hurricane, these hurricanes, have done unspeakable damage to so many lives, and I'm so sorry you have been so overwhelmingly devastated physically and emotionally. And then add to it your T was swept away, your p-doc isn't as available as you need him to be, your illness has been exaserbated, your home is crowded, your jobs are in question.

It's amazing that you are holding together at all. You really are amazing Dinah. I know that you feel that you are falling apart, but from where I sit, you are amazing, and I only wish there were something I could do or say to make a difference.

Just know that I'm thinking of you and that I care.
fw

 

Re: New therapist » Dinah

Posted by alexandra_k on October 4, 2005, at 3:02:09

In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16

(((((((Dinah))))))))
I am so glad to see you post
I've missed you so much
I wish I could bundle up you and your t and your husband and your son and your dogs and your in laws and your work and your sons school and relocate everything down the road from me :-)

I'm really proud of you going to a new t too :-)
Really very.
And it really does sound like things went well
And of course they are going to take some time before you feel anything like comfortable around her.
I don't know how people can walk in those kinds of shoes either.
Maybe thats something you could ask her ;-)

I tend to get on better with male clincians too.
Something more reassuring
I dunno...
But that being said
Even though I'd pick a guy for preference
Turns out the best t I ever had was female
Not motherly...
But kind of like a big sister
Or something...

Different...

And sometimes different can be good

But you can get as attached
Maybe you can
But it will take some time

My thoughts really are with you
((((Dinah)))))

 

Thank everyone

Posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:14:42

In reply to Re: New therapist » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on October 4, 2005, at 3:02:09

It's been tough. I'm up and tearful tonight. Why do things hurt worse at night? I miss my therapist so much, and maybe no therapist can help me right now when I'm in so much pain from that.

It helps a lot to know that I have such wonderful support here on the board. I'm sorry I've been distant. Everything's just really hard to talk about.

 

:-)

Posted by alexandra_k on October 4, 2005, at 3:25:06

In reply to Thank everyone, posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:14:42

> It's been tough. I'm up and tearful tonight. Why do things hurt worse at night?

((((Dinah))))
I find that things are worse for me at night and early in the morning. I think... That when I am tired things affect me more.

>I miss my therapist so much, and maybe no therapist can help me right now when I'm in so much pain from that.

I think it is pretty understandable that you miss him :-(
You saw him fairly often over a fairly long period of time...
But there are other things going on in your life too (the fear of vomiting etc) that your new t might well be able to help you with...

> It helps a lot to know that I have such wonderful support here on the board.

:-)
And you have been such a wonderful support to so very many others...
I'm just sorry that things are so hard for you and your family at the moment.

>I'm sorry I've been distant. Everything's just really hard to talk about.


((((Dinah)))))
(Sorry I'm doing that a lot. I wish I could give you a real hug)
You don't have to apologise...
I find it hard to know what to say too...

But I'm glad you are able to share some of that with us.

I'm so glad you are here

 

Re: New therapist » Annierose

Posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:26:23

In reply to Re: New therapist » Dinah, posted by Annierose on October 3, 2005, at 21:43:12

I guess I'll venture to tell what happened with my old therapist. Everything has been sort of one step after another, and maybe that makes things easier, but it seems like it's one painful blow after another.

First it was that he had moved three hours away, and I could drive to see him, and he could see me here as long as he had an engagement in our city once a week, which he was confident that he could do. Then it was that he was going to be on an assignment where I couldn't visit him in Lafayette but I could still see him on his day in N.O. for a double session. Then it was that he was going to Europe for a month, with the ability to go three months a year. He's honest in that he's not sure if he's going to do that or not. Finances are an issue.

The truth is that I need more support than that in times like this, and that the uncertainty is very very bad for me. Unfortanately since therapists aren't like washing machines, I'm not sure finding another one will serve what I need.

We have an appointment scheduled for Monday, but I'm leaving town Friday and not returning till Wednesday so I need to call her to find out if we should make other arrangements or just skip a week.

She really tried to get me to talk about my therapist leaving, but I couldn't. I tried to explain about my dissociative problems but found it too distressing to do more than mutter and change the topic. I have something written on that somewhere, and maybe I can bring it in with me. I wish my therapist had had a chance to explain things to her. It would have made things easier.

I was scattered, probably said contradictory things, and forgot what I was saying quite a bit. Perhaps I can blame the sudden increase in Risperdal, but.... I think there's a part of me that resents "replacing" my therapist and doesn't want to cooperate.

God, I miss my therapist, flaws and all.

 

Re: New therapist » fallsfall

Posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:32:04

In reply to Re: New therapist » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on October 3, 2005, at 21:56:46

I'm afraid I never understand my husband's thinking. :) That was the major focus of today's session, and I'm not sure I was fair because I presented more of my husband's flaws than strengths. So little time.

But the rule in our family is that we are each in charge of dealing with our own families. Though honestly that works more with his family than mine.

I think I resent that he didn't allow my father to come to my home when my mother refused to get him proper care as he was dying, while being ok with bringing his family home. And he's adamant that he doesn't want my mother around right now, not even to help care for her dogs which are living with us right now.

I know he's in an impossible situation, and I really try to keep that in mind, but I can't help but remember the times I was in impossible situations.

 

Re: New therapist » Poet

Posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:34:35

In reply to Re: New therapist » Dinah, posted by Poet on October 3, 2005, at 22:05:15

I think I like that abbreviation for tears. :)

If I'm holding it together at all right now, it's due to the enormous increase in Risperdal. I ran out last night and the difference is staggering.

Antipsychotics seem to agree with me.

 

Re: New therapist » fairywings

Posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:39:34

In reply to Re: New therapist » Dinah, posted by fairywings on October 3, 2005, at 23:50:20

Again, the Risperdal is responsible for any functionality I have. That and occupying myself with my imaginary move. Which may well be imaginary. I'm not sure I can drag my son from his truly ideal school.

And just maybe, like the Netherlands, we can trust the government to put in floodwalls that won't give out. The hurricane didn't cause the major problem. The failure of the canal floodwalls did. :(

Maybe we'd be better off staying here.

But on the other hand, there is probably no harm in preparing our home for sale. If nothing else, it will give our house a nice refurbishing.

 

Re: :-) Thank you, Alexandra. It means a lot. (nm) » alexandra_k

Posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:40:27

In reply to :-), posted by alexandra_k on October 4, 2005, at 3:25:06

 

Re: Thank everyone » Dinah

Posted by fallsfall on October 4, 2005, at 6:56:21

In reply to Thank everyone, posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:14:42

It is really hard to start with a different therapist. She will never be the same as your first therapist. Can you look at it as a *different* kind of therapy? Maybe even with different goals?

Of course you miss your first therapist. When I changed therapists we talked about my first one for 2 months or more (twice a week). He really was able to help me with my grief about leaving her. And it may take some time before you can talk about him with her. That's OK, too. Give yourself the time. Do what you can, and forgive what you can't. Some of the things that made it hard for you to talk to her are the very reasons that you are there. So you could think of it that you are giving her a demonstration of what some of your issues are - that is productive!

Can you see her before you leave on your trip? I hate to think of you skipping a week. Remember you were going 3/week or 2/week before. You need the support right now. Does she have another appointment available this week?

She may or may not be a long term therapist for you (because you may not stay in the area, because she may not meet your needs). Can you try to let her help you in the here and now? You can worry about the future in the future.

Pharmacies should not run out of the meds that we need!!!!!!!!!

I'm here, cheering you on.

Love,
Falls.

 

Re: New therapist » Dinah

Posted by Annierose on October 4, 2005, at 7:44:36

In reply to Re: New therapist » Annierose, posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:26:23

Dinah -

I know it's so hard to write about this, but I think it will serve some purpose ... getting those thoughts to paper is a helpful exercise (or so they say).

I agree with Falls, can you try to get in sooner? Does she work with clients more than once a week? Two weeks inbetween sessions seems like such a long time when you are rowing up stream with no paddles.

Is your son's school open? How wonderful if it is. I thought it was under lots of water. He really needs that routine.

I think the more you go to therapy with this new T (who will never ever replace your main guy), the easier it will get to talk about T1. I think grieving is appropriate here, even if you still get to see him on occasion, it isn't the same on-going 3 times per week sessions you had. I am so proud of you for giving her at least a chance. HUGE STEP!

 

Re: Thank everyone » Dinah

Posted by fairywings on October 4, 2005, at 9:41:47

In reply to Thank everyone, posted by Dinah on October 4, 2005, at 3:14:42

I find that too, night is always worse. I hope you find comfort in knowing that if you can just make it through, the day usually seems better.
fw

 

Re: New therapist » Dinah

Posted by JenStar on October 4, 2005, at 11:28:01

In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16

hi Dinah,
you ARE special to your T and to everybody who knows you! :) I'm glad you realize how much you mean to him. Losing you is a big loss to HIM, too. You can't spend so many years with somebody and NOT miss them -- it's simply impossible! It will be a mourning process for you both.

It does sound like he's making a positive situation out of this crisis and branching out into something new and ultimately rewarding and exciting. I hope you will do the same -- use this as an opportunity to do things that will help you grow.


I'm so sorry that you have to start over with a new T, but I hope she'll end up being OK.

Maybe she can be a 'bridge' T until you find a male T that you click with, or maybe she'll even develop into your 'real' T over time. I'm glad you're giving it a chance. I think it's brave of you!

To me it sounds like you're coping remarkably well given the circs, although I'm sad to hear that you had to curl up in the closet.

I know the elderly parent thing is so hard...a nursing home/place is better than YOUR home, though, because they can get round-the-clock care. And you won't need to deal with "emet" anymore!

What do you think about telling the in-laws about your phobias and issues - do you think it would be too much of a burden, or do you think it would ease their minds and help understand your behavior?

I know your husband doesn't want them to know, but do you think that telling them would actually maybe help the situation? I don't know the answer, but I'm wondering if you've given it some thought? If you really like them and trust them, maybe they could handle it?

Maybe you could even say something like, "I want you to know that i love you dearly. If it seems like i'm avoiding you, it's only because I'm so broken inside about this whole move and leaving my safe home base. Somehow I handle the stress best when I'm alone. So I'm sorry I don't spend as much time with you as I'd like, but I'm just trying to hang on to my sanity here, and being by myself helps me stay calm and in control of my emotions. I hope to get over this eventually, but I hope you understnad that my actions are not personal and I'm just trying to cope as best I can."

That way you wouldn't divulge and personal details about specific issues or phobias, but you'd also ease their minds a bit? But I don't know! I'm not in your shoes, so all of my suggestions might be totally silly given the circumstances! :)


Anyway, I'm sorry you're sad, and I'm here to listen and offer my (possibly awful) advice any chance i get. :) I hope you're well. I'm thinking of you and hoping you continue to thrive! :)

JenStar


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