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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mattw84 on October 2, 2004, at 23:49:15
I love this forum, I know I have far from earned any reputation here but I really am in need of some advice/help at this moment. Hopefully at some point I will be able to return the favor.
:(
Oh my, I have no idea where to begin on this one... Life has been hectic as always lately; which undoubtedly is why I am having this breakdown. That and I think I am learning the hard way that Xanax and Alcohol don't mix too well.
I am very trusting in my psychiatrist, but regardless I have these events in my past that I have never, never, EVER(!!) mentioned to anyone. For that matter would rather just forget ever happened... Though I am well aware how much worse repression is than just coping. I am a seeking a B.S. degree of Psychology w/ major in Biology, my progress here has pretty much halted for the moment. In fact, the majority of my life seems to have ceased progress; 20 years old, in-and-out of my parents house a couple times a year, and frankly 'life sucks.' I am ashamed of my current state, but moreso disturbed by my current state of mind. I can't stop dwelling on what happened to me, and what I did to others -- all of which I was sure I had adequately dealt with on my own (Meditation, journals, etc..). Apparently I was mistaken.
My cousin has been my general center of blame for most of these problems, at least what I see as a cause. I hadn't been in contact with him for the last 6 or 7 years, except for maybe a couple x-mas family gatherings. Recently he called me with a business opportunity, one so lucritive it would be impossible to say no. I have spent a few days just reaquainting myself with him, and up until this very moment the past had been of little significance. No one has mentioned, hinted, or done anything to remind me of these events; yet I feel as though I am losing control of my mind.
I guess my question is this... should I just 'bite the bullet' so to speak, and just spill it to my pdoc, or can I possibly just deal with it on my own or what?? Anyone??? I don't know where to turn... :(
Matt
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on October 3, 2004, at 8:44:45
In reply to The Closet - Can I open it??HELP!! Anyone??PlzRd!, posted by mattw84 on October 2, 2004, at 23:49:15
Matt,
We pay these guys to help us. If you are holding back something pretty significant, I feel you are not getting what you deserve. If your p-doc does not know the full picture, your treatment will be missing a piece.
I suppose it all comes down to trust. How well do you trust your p-doc? How comfortable are you with him? It took me awhile before I completely opened up to my T, but I"m glad I did. I was dealing with things on my own, things I have never told anyone, and either consciously or subconsciously, it was eating me up inside. I thought it was all in the past and had completely repressed all thoughts of it. BUt I still carried it with me and even though I no longer thought about it, it literally made me sick. I became a major hypochondriac. My body had absorbed all of my pain which my brain refused to acknowledge.
SO here I am one year later, finally able to deal with my anxiety and depression and no longer thinking I have MS or Lou Gehrig's disease. I base this largely on the relationship I have with my T. That I was 100% open to him. I held nothing back.
I was truly afraid however when I opened up to him about this past event, that that meant I had to tell my husband, which I never wanted to do. I don't want my family knowing this happened. HE said that telling only him was perfectly fine, that there was no reason to tell the whole world.
so, I advise you to TELL HIM! AS they say in the Lottery, "You can't win if you don't play."
Posted by shortelise on October 3, 2004, at 15:14:26
In reply to The Closet - Can I open it??HELP!! Anyone??PlzRd!, posted by mattw84 on October 2, 2004, at 23:49:15
You know the answer to this. You write that you are losing it, that life sucks, but these events seem to be the crux of it.
MissHoneychurch points out that it's what we pay these guys for.
Shame is hard. Dealing with the feelings is hard. But once it's done, it gets so much better.
If it's too hard to say, you could write it out. You seem to have a flare with the written word!
You know what - no one deserves what I suspect happened to you. No one deserves it, and no one asks for it. Maybe now you deserve to talk about it and make it lose it's power over you. That's one of the awful things about abuse is that if left to fester, it continues to abuse.
Talk about it. Write about it. Do your best. And please, please keep us posted.
ShortE
Posted by mattw84 on October 6, 2004, at 0:38:29
In reply to Re: The Closet - Can I open it??HELP!! Anyone??PlzRd! » mattw84, posted by shortelise on October 3, 2004, at 15:14:26
The pdoc and I have been working thru social phobia the past few sessions. I brought up my recent encounters with the cousin and the awkwardness of said situations. That was as far as I made it... the question that followed that intro was: "Why do you feel more awkward around this member of your family?" I hesitated and said, "I am not quite sure I am ready to discuss that." Thusly the subject was dropped. Unfortunate she didn't push the subject, I probably would have spilled it. She made note of that and I am sure it will be brought up again... but it was very obvious no doubt how uncomfortable the subject makes me.
Anyone else had this "building" up of courage to discuss self-inflicting guilt type issues? My mother recently divulged to me some issues from her childhood that she has not even discussed with my father! I am quite similar to my mother emotionally so hopefully her strength with rub off on me; I agree with everyone in that it is definately in my best interest to "get it off my chest." I can visualize the moment and almost *feel* the complacency that would ensue.. wish I could just settle for that :)
The only other option I have considered is to again exclude my cousin from my life, and repress the memories and emotions and what not again... Though that seems rather selfish and I am guessing wouldn't work in the long run. Who knows, thanks for the advice everyone! I have written down some of the issues at hand, only to send them through the shredder moments later. I have faith in myself though, I can work through this. I much appreciate everyone's advice, I hope that I may return the favor to the community in the future!
Matt
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on October 6, 2004, at 13:45:31
In reply to Re: Almost... but no dice.., posted by mattw84 on October 6, 2004, at 0:38:29
Matt, speaking from experience, ignoring issues and repressing them may work short term but are bound to wreak havoc in the long run. My advice: DO NOT ignore what has happened with you and your cousin. You have access to help right now, take advantage of it while you can. You never know, you may repress it now, move on in life, and when it crops up again (and it will, whether you recognize it or not), you may not have access to mental health care, whether though job restrictions, finances, insurance, etc...
Now is your opportunity to work this out. You have someone willing to listen to you and help you. This is rare. Take advantage of it. I know it will be hard to dredge up, but you owe yourself the possibility of being a mentally healthy human being.
This is the end of the thread.
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