Posted by mattw84 on October 2, 2004, at 23:49:15
I love this forum, I know I have far from earned any reputation here but I really am in need of some advice/help at this moment. Hopefully at some point I will be able to return the favor.
:(
Oh my, I have no idea where to begin on this one... Life has been hectic as always lately; which undoubtedly is why I am having this breakdown. That and I think I am learning the hard way that Xanax and Alcohol don't mix too well.
I am very trusting in my psychiatrist, but regardless I have these events in my past that I have never, never, EVER(!!) mentioned to anyone. For that matter would rather just forget ever happened... Though I am well aware how much worse repression is than just coping. I am a seeking a B.S. degree of Psychology w/ major in Biology, my progress here has pretty much halted for the moment. In fact, the majority of my life seems to have ceased progress; 20 years old, in-and-out of my parents house a couple times a year, and frankly 'life sucks.' I am ashamed of my current state, but moreso disturbed by my current state of mind. I can't stop dwelling on what happened to me, and what I did to others -- all of which I was sure I had adequately dealt with on my own (Meditation, journals, etc..). Apparently I was mistaken.
My cousin has been my general center of blame for most of these problems, at least what I see as a cause. I hadn't been in contact with him for the last 6 or 7 years, except for maybe a couple x-mas family gatherings. Recently he called me with a business opportunity, one so lucritive it would be impossible to say no. I have spent a few days just reaquainting myself with him, and up until this very moment the past had been of little significance. No one has mentioned, hinted, or done anything to remind me of these events; yet I feel as though I am losing control of my mind.
I guess my question is this... should I just 'bite the bullet' so to speak, and just spill it to my pdoc, or can I possibly just deal with it on my own or what?? Anyone??? I don't know where to turn... :(
Matt
poster:mattw84
thread:398428
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/398428.html