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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on May 21, 2003, at 18:45:03
My therapist is moving. Not out of town thank heavens, but right to the heart of downtown. Now I avoid downtown like the plague. All those shiny buildings, all those shiny people. The rotten traffic patterns, the horrendous parking. It magnifies my existing agoraphobic tendencies.
He's really been supportive about the move. He says that regardless of how his practice develops, he values having *me* as a client. He's said that he will do whatever he can to make this work. He'll schedule me for the more quiet times of the day. If it absolutely won't work out, he'll try to work out an office sharing arrangement with a colleague. I really do appreciate all of that. And I really really appreciate that at least he isn't moving out of town or closing his practice. I couldn't deal with that.
But I feel like a kid whose parents are moving somewhere terribly unpleasant. It really doesn't matter how I feel about it, I've got to do what they say. And then they (he) tells me that I need to look at it in a more positive way. Worst of all, he says that I do have choices (meaning that I could quit seeing him). He knows that I can't do that, and it seems disingenuous of him to pretend otherwise. And he might be able to make me go downtown to see him, but he can't make me like it. I feel like that little kid whose parents are moving, and I am acting like one. I wonder if holding my breath till I turn purple, or hiding under the house when the moving van comes would help. :)
I know I'm being petty and childish and stupid. But I really hate downtown. It'll also add a fair amount of time and expense to the time and expense seeing him already costs. And I already have to just accept his out of town (with no backup whatsoever now) trips on his other job. I just feel so darn impotent!!!
Posted by fallsfall on May 22, 2003, at 7:50:16
In reply to Impotence, posted by Dinah on May 21, 2003, at 18:45:03
You seem to be clearly in touch with what is going on. Changes are so hard, and when you have no control they are even harder. Your analogy to parents moving to a place a child doesn't want to go seems right on.
I hate cities, too. My sister lives in NYC and I won't even go to visit her - too much claustrophobia, noise, dirt, people. The question will be, once you get to his office, can you settle down and feel safe and comfortable? You'll need to find a way to leave the city anxiety behind for your session. I would also need a winddown strategy before facing the traffic home (is there an ice cream store nearby??)
He sounds (as usual) wonderful about trying to make this easier for you. I think he is a gem.
That all said, I think a bit of a temper tantrum is quite reasonable.
Posted by Willow on May 22, 2003, at 8:15:55
In reply to Impotence, posted by Dinah on May 21, 2003, at 18:45:03
> Worst of all, he says that I do have choices (meaning that I could quit seeing him.)
That is one option of many. Why would you think that is what he meant considering what you wrote previously? Did you ever have to make those flow charts when in grade school? A square box in the middle, then all the ideas flow out of it like bubbles. Try thinking out of the box. Once you get the hang of it, add in budgeting or cost analysis. How much of your emotional energy are you spending on this one point? Is it really worth it?
> I know I'm being petty and childishHow you react is up to YOU. How someone else reacts is up to them. And in reality the move is a done deal. You can choose to pout, stomp, or accept it and move on. You mention the cost of therapy, don't spend your time there analyzing his choices but instead why you feel the way you do. This in my opinion would be more cost effective, but then it's your choice.
BEST WISHES
Willow
Posted by Willow on May 22, 2003, at 8:19:49
In reply to Re: Impotence » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on May 22, 2003, at 7:50:16
There's always two sides to a coin. I think the other guy saw the shinier side than I. Maybe I'm just a tad too close and my own shadow was covering the light?
Posted by Dinah on May 22, 2003, at 9:11:35
In reply to Re: Impotence, posted by Willow on May 22, 2003, at 8:15:55
> That is one option of many. Why would you think that is what he meant considering what you wrote previously?
Hi Willow. You know me, I may be introverted but not shy. Especially not with him. I asked him straight out, of course! :D
If I can just get him to stop saying silly things like that, I might be upset, but not so angry. It feels like it's rubbing my lack of power in my face. Given that he is completely aware of my dependence on him.
Posted by Dinah on May 22, 2003, at 9:12:10
In reply to Re: Impotence, posted by Dinah on May 22, 2003, at 9:11:35
Posted by Dinah on May 22, 2003, at 9:27:46
In reply to Re: Impotence » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on May 22, 2003, at 7:50:16
Thanks, Fallsfall. :) I claim the right for at least a small temper tantrum!
I do think he's wonderful in a lot of ways. He is never one of those therapists who thinks withholding gratification from a client is helpful in itself. He always goes out of his way to give me extra sessions if I need it. When he goes out of town, I'm free to call him except in very rare circumstances. He tries to get back to me that day. It's not all that helpful as he's not very good on the phone, but I appreciate the thought. And I appreciate that he's also trying to be accomodating about this.
You raised a good point about decompressing before and after the session. I'll have to check out the area before I go for the first time. Maybe my husband could drive, so I won't be too discouraged. :) It might add to the parking fees and the time involved but would probably be worth it. I know a lot of times when I leave session, I take a while before I drive at all. I would probably need even more time to face city traffic.
I may at least have to drop to once a week sessions because of the extra time and expense involved (not to mention stress). But that probably isn't a bad thing. On the other hand, maybe not. Therapy days aren't my most productive days anyway.
Thanks for giving me something to think about doing that gives me back a bit of control.
Posted by Dinah on May 23, 2003, at 14:59:36
In reply to Re: Impotence » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on May 22, 2003, at 9:27:46
In session today, we had a good conversation of how the things he says make me feel. I guess I hadn't made myself clear before, because I had been too upset to find the words. But I think he understands now.
Posted by fallsfall on May 23, 2003, at 17:19:54
In reply to Re: Talked it over, posted by Dinah on May 23, 2003, at 14:59:36
I'm glad he understands now. I take it you are feeling a bit better about it now?
It always amazes me that I can say something that is very clear to me, and find out that the other person heard something very different. I keep thinking that therapists shouldn't have that problem, but somehow they seem to have that problem too.
Glad to see the update.
Posted by Dinah on May 24, 2003, at 9:47:08
In reply to Re: Talked it over » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on May 23, 2003, at 17:19:54
Yes, I'm feeling a bit better about it. It's amazing how different reactions from someone about a situation affect your feelings about that situation.
By the way, I shared your suggestion with him, and he likes it. He says there's a coffee shop in the new building that would serve the purpose. But knowing me, I'm more of a sitting in the quiet little bubble of my car person.
Thanks again.
Posted by WorryGirl on May 27, 2003, at 23:01:13
In reply to Impotence, posted by Dinah on May 21, 2003, at 18:45:03
Hi Dinah,
Why are all the good things in life so hard to get to?
The therapist I'm seeing is very inconvenient to get so but I've decided it will be worth the trip.I know how disappointed you must feel, though, when you were used to your therapist closer. If you really like him, though, I guess you're going to have to go through the traffic, etc., like me. I have to pay for a sitter, and it takes me an extra 45 minutes now to get to mine, so believe me, I understand!
Posted by Dinah on May 28, 2003, at 7:20:30
In reply to Re: Impotence » Dinah, posted by WorryGirl on May 27, 2003, at 23:01:13
Thanks Worrygirl. That must really add up with the sitter and all. I'm a bit annoyed about the extra $12 per week it's going to cost in parking, but at least someone from the family can watch my son, even if he isn't in school.
But my main problem is my agoraphobic tendencies. I'm not agoraphobic, because I do go out when I have to. But in order to override my fears about doing something really stressful like going downtown, I have to put on my false self/mask. And I'm afraid I won't be able to easily shed that when I get there. And my false self doesn't really need to go to therapy. :)
This is the end of the thread.
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