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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JLynn on February 21, 2005, at 1:00:41
Hi all! I'm new here and hope this will be a good place to tell my story-just feel like I need to get it ALL out. I'll try to make it short. So here goes...
January 04 my mom got sick. She was 45 had never been very ill and had no prior health problems, she was a very healthy woman. The dr thought it was a sinus infection and gave antibiotics. It didn't get better. She got so ill she had to go to the ER and they gave more meds. They didn't help either and ended up going back. They finally admitted her into the hospital and ran tests and scans. They finally told her there was a mass on her lung and in her esophugus. They did surgery on the one in the throat and she went through chemo and radiation.
Things got better for a very short time and I guess in my denial I thought maybe she would be OK. She got worse again and they did more scans. The cancer had spread to her brain. The Dr wanted to do radiation on her head. She went to one treatment and stopped. She wanted to come home. She came home very ill and things got worse quickly. She died May 8, 2004 at home while I held her hand.
I handled the funeral and all pretty well considering although now I seem to be going through the greiving process again since maybe I didn't really let myself grieve then. A lot of that has to do with my moms husband (don't like to call him a stepfather). My problem now is I am very angry and can't get past what he has done and continues to do. I knew he cheated on my mom long ago and that he had probably continued. After her death I found out he was seeing someone while she was sick. I moved out of my moms house 3 months after she died. He then moved his girlfriend in (the girlfriend is married to someone else). There is so many reasons this bothers me.
My mom wanted to have a will made and he told her not to worry that she still had plenty of time. Had I known then I would have made sure it was done, but I didn't know until after she died. The house was one that my mom and dad built when I was 5. When my mom remarried he moved in-he had nothing to his name but clothes and a car. My mom worked her whole life for that house. She wanted it to go to my brother. The house and property and 3 cars were in my moms name only. She never had his name put on anything, but by law since they were married he gets half. He talked to a lawyer before she died and thats why he didnt take her to get a will made. I am so bitter. No one has been applied to be executor so nothing has been settled. This means no closure for me. I hate him.
Sorry for rambling, but thanx for letting me get this all out.
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 21, 2005, at 1:36:19
In reply to time to tell my story, posted by JLynn on February 21, 2005, at 1:00:41
I am so sorry JLynn. That sounds so hard. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose my mom at this point in my life or ever.
Can you talk to a lawyer about this? I don't have any idea how this works. Is there anyone you can get help from, other family? There must be something that can be done. I hope so
(((JLynn)))
I hope you are OK
and welcome to babblerain
Posted by JLynn on February 21, 2005, at 15:07:52
In reply to Re: time to tell my story » JLynn, posted by rainbowbrite on February 21, 2005, at 1:36:19
Thank you rain. Yes it has been hard. And yes I do need to see a lawyer, but it is hard to come up with the money. I know it is something I really have to make myself do.
It is really hard to talk to the other family about it. That is one of the reasons I am here. Need some more input than just my T.
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 21, 2005, at 23:26:55
In reply to Re: time to tell my story, posted by JLynn on February 21, 2005, at 15:07:52
Will the rest of your family not help finacially with the lawyer? I am pretty sure you have rights that should protect you from this guy. I am going to check with someone on this, I don't know if they will give me any good info but it's worth a try.
I'm thinking of you :)
rain
Posted by Mijafelix on July 13, 2005, at 13:26:54
In reply to time to tell my story, posted by JLynn on February 21, 2005, at 1:00:41
JLynn>>> If your still reading i'd like to chat, I ahve a very similar situation on my shoulders at this very moment. NOt exactly the same but similar, my mom had just turned 53 a month before she was killed by a drunk driver, she ahd recently retired and moved to another state with my step father, she was killed in 12/03 right before x-mas, it was a side impact collision, her scull was detached from her spine, they used the jaws of life to remove her from the vehicle, then they used the electric shock - zap things to bring her back, well her heartbeat at least, when they removed her from the vehicle she had no vitals, she was in essence dead, it still kills me to say that, write it - anyhow, she was airlifted to the trauma center in that state ICU neurology - they did brain surgery to trya nd reconnect her scull to her spine, the Dr.'s were pretty frank about the grim situation, her injuried were basically the same of Christopher Reeves (superman) who somehow regained conciouseness after being in a legthy come, she had no brain activity, the only reason she was alive was because she had a strong enough heart to be able to keep beating was they zapped her, surgery unsuccesful - almost 10 days later still no brain activity, she's in ICU on a respirator, I am in another state with my husband and daughter camped out at her bedside - as a family, me, my older sister and step father decide to remove her from life support, she will never some out of the coma, she will never open her eyes, and so on......OK I really needed to tell my story too - Sorry to go on and on, here is where the similarity comes in, they ahd no will, my mom was always saying they needed to get a will done, they liked to travel within the US quite a bit frequent trips from state to state, they had just bought a piece of land and a fairly lovely house in the mountains - my step dad is the executor of their estate but he tried to swindle us, he tried to tell my sister and I we were only entitled to 1/4 of their estate and that then we(my sister and I) would split that amount?? It didn't seem quite right to us, we called around to some law firms in the state where they lived, and he was telling the truth, we are entitled to 1/2 of their total estate, he tried to ask us to take X amount of $$, and be happy with that until he died and then we would get what we deserved he said, keep in mind he has 2 other grown kids from a previuos marriage and they have kids of their own too, just as my sister and I do. My mom was married to him for 11 years togehter for 15, she was my mom for 28 years and my sisters for 33, she divorced my dad after 13 years of marriage and was a single parent who worked to give us the things in life she never had, she didn't work to give to him, you know. I am sure your mom would want you to get what is hers, it should now be yours, I am not telling you, you should go out and get a lawyer even though, there are some out there that will not ask for any upfront costs if they believe you will get a monetary settlement in the end, we went that route and have been in a probate knock down drag out since last August, our lawyer screwed up, forgot to file some papers by a certain date, step dad was able to start selling their/her stuff - of course jsut to spite us, found out yesterday he sold it to his brother, what a crock of shi*, to his brother which really means he still has it all. He never cheated or anything like that he was just very controlling and jealous, never wanted her to give us her attention, always pouted and wouldn't interact when we were around, after she died he acted like we meant the world to him and he wanted to be sure to keep a relationship going, all until the estate settling came up and we wouldn't accept him low ball offer. Just wanted to tell you my story maybe i could be of some use to you. I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I know how hard it is to have to say goodbye to your mom, and to watch her suffer must have been very painful.Keep your head up, try to smile when you think of her instead of crying, i know that is a really hard one, but she would want you to smile, i am sure. Peace
Posted by JLynn on July 13, 2005, at 14:14:16
In reply to Re: time to tell my storyJLynn are you there?, posted by Mijafelix on July 13, 2005, at 13:26:54
(((Mijafelix))) I'm sorry about your loss. I hope the estate will be settled soon for you. For me, although I'm sure things won't turn out like she wanted, when it is settled I hope it will give me some closure. I wish I would never have to see that man again. When she died we picked out a headstone which was to be a single. He ended up buying a double stone so he could be burried beside her. This will NEVER happen. NO WAY! I could go on and on about all the disrespect he has shown us. And most people don't know how it feels to be in this situation that you and I are in. And the laws are difficult for me to understand and I don't agree with them at all. I can be okay, but as soon as I see him or hear anything he has done it just tears me apart again. We are just now starting the legal process. My mom's brother and sister are paying for the lawyer and I go to court soon to be appointed administratrix. I'm not at all sure about what happens after that or what I am supposed to do then. I'm just waiting. I'm glad someone can understand how hurtful this all is. If you want to talk sometime I'd be glad to. I'll be praying for you.
Posted by Mijafelix on July 13, 2005, at 14:50:29
In reply to Re: time to tell my storyJLynn are you there? » Mijafelix, posted by JLynn on July 13, 2005, at 14:14:16
I am so glad you replied, i actually just got done taking a break away from my desk so that i could go cry without anybody having to see me, this all makes me so angry. Neither of us should have to go through this, as if loosing our mothers wasn't enough.. . . .i would like to chat more, i don't have very many people i can talk to about this situation, my husband just doesn't get, he has his own issues - it is hard for someone who has not experrienced a loss like this and then endured the rath of a step someone to really comprehend the emotion involved. my email is mijafelix@msn.com feel free to email me whenever. You may have along hard road ahead of you but hopefully when all is said and done it will be worth it, as for me i don't think that will be the case, but o-well such is life. I appreciate your prayers, and will pray that god gives you the srtegnth you'll need to endure the fight you have ahead with that monster of a step father. It is a good thing you are the one that will be appointed administrator/executor - that should be in your favor, the laws differ from state to state but if you lived with your mom during her passing, this too will have bearing on what your entitled to. Thanks again for letting me tell my story, i really needed to get it out, off my chest - i think i ahve been trying to be really strong and have not been able to just shut down and grieve without having to be there for my own family, husband - kids etc. Bye for now - Peace and i'm out
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