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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by go4it on March 26, 2004, at 13:57:38
I don't know really how to start this. My X husband and I divorced 11 years ago. I had 3 babies at the time 41/2 and a2 year old and a 9 month old. Neither one of us remarried but we remained friends. I really did my part, I must say and I will explain. My X never paid full child support nor did he have insurance for the boys. I never made an issue over it because I wanted him to be able to come over and not have friction. Their mental health was more important to me. In the last 3 years he had cancer multiple myeloma a bone and blood disease. I ended up taking care of him the last few months of his illness. I took him to doctors appointments and chemo all of it. I brought my kids up to the hospital every night, because I wanted them never to feel that they didn't get to be with their dad. I'm sorry this is so long.. I need to get it out. Anyway, I was with him when he found out he had 2 weeks to live. It was hard because he was my firend but he also was my X husband. At the time of this I never grieved. I just kept going. I said to my boys the other night it's like we just kept digging this ditch because we knew that we had to do it, never looking back. I also at this time was in the middle of a relationship that was very unhealthy. I have been trying to break that off and have not spoken to him for the last month. That is the firat time in three years we have gone without speaking. But Iknow I needed it to end and I HAVE to stay away from him. During all this my business was failing. ( I am self employed) I just couldn't do everything. I had clients cancelling on me and i am left with one client period out of about 10. I find myself unmotivated and not wanting to do anything. I am angry at myself now that I never made an issue about money with my X because he didn't leave me anything to take care of the boys. He had a condo that was sold but I made sure the money was put ina trust fund for them and not touched. I am left feeling unfinished. I don't know how to handle it I have been really depressed. My regular doctor gave me wellbutrin and xanax as well as today he priscribed adavan.I haven't picked up the adavan yet. I have been on the wellbutrin for 10 days and I still don't feel much better. I am overwhelmed with my kids and all their friends and trying to work and get new business and just pay bills. I feel like I can't do it all. I keep seeing my X husband in the hospital and how sick he was the image keeps coming back to me. ( there is no spell check and I type bad so please excuse that) The boyfriend I got a restraining order for but they never were able to serve him papers. The thought of talking to him creates tremendous anxiety for me as I was so hurt in that relationship. Bottom line I am a MESS HELP! (It has been 6 months since my X died)
Posted by Jai Narayan on March 27, 2004, at 16:21:08
In reply to dead X husband, posted by go4it on March 26, 2004, at 13:57:38
It does sound like your life is quite difficult right now. I am so sorry...you had a right to have some money from your X. Especially for your kids, if not you.
I have never gained from a divorce...go figure?
The man has always been supported by me....what's that about?
I hope that you can pull through this time okay. Life sometimes gives us multiple stressors! Sometimes it looks like a divine plan and then again, it just looks hard.
You sound like a centered person who has found herself in a hard place. Hang on the only dependable thing is change. Wow enough of the cliches. I guess what I'm trying to say is hang on, I just know it will get better.
I am sorry you have hit such hard times.
Posted by go4it on March 27, 2004, at 16:44:10
In reply to Re: dead X husband, posted by Jai Narayan on March 27, 2004, at 16:21:08
Thank you for the kind words. I got the adavan and I just feel tired and worn out. The old boy friend has surfaced and he keeps calling me and leaving messages. I don't want to talk to him but there is a part of me that does. I am jsut worn out. Thank you for your support.
Posted by Jai Narayan on March 28, 2004, at 21:10:12
In reply to Re: dead X husband, posted by go4it on March 27, 2004, at 16:44:10
> Thank you for the kind words. I got the adavan and I just feel tired and worn out. The old boy friend has surfaced and he keeps calling me and leaving messages. I don't want to talk to him but there is a part of me that does. I am jsut worn out. Thank you for your support.
* I hope you can lay your head on a soft pillow and pull the covers over you and just drift off to sleep. I wish you to have a night filled with sweet loving dreams. That you wake up tomorrow morning refreshed and renewed. That something nice will happen to you in your day...a tiny gift...maybe something kind said to you....maybe something quite normal but in it's simplicity it will touch you. I wish you the best.
Posted by fayeroe on March 29, 2004, at 18:54:54
In reply to dead X husband, posted by go4it on March 26, 2004, at 13:57:38
You have really had a hard time of it. I am sorry that so much is going on and you are alone and trying to deal with it and take care of your boys. I applaud your effforts to remain friends with the X because the boys will always have that to hold on to. That is a very good thing that you did for them....and for yourself. You can rest at night knowing you were thinking of them and him. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope that you get some much deserved rest and some serenity........Best, Pat
Posted by go4it on March 29, 2004, at 20:14:30
In reply to Re: dead X husband » go4it, posted by fayeroe on March 29, 2004, at 18:54:54
Thank you for your encouragement. I am really going through the greiving process. It's weird I keep thinking about him as he was sick and then different things that we did together. Then I get upset with myself when i think about how I am so strapped financially. It has made it hard for me to work. I need to stay strong and positive, But I feel so sad all the time. I called my doctor and got an anti depressant. It hasn't started to work yet, but I know that time will make it better. I have faith in G-D although I am not sure why he trys to test me so much. My X was my friend and I also hated him. Isn't that weird. Dealing with my X boyfriend has been hard because I get so much anxiety when he calls. I don't want to talk to him because I feel like it is self destructive when I do and then I get mad. But I fill with anxiety everytime the phone rings. Oh well thank you for listening.. or reading I guess. You are very kind.
Posted by fayeroe on March 29, 2004, at 20:37:24
In reply to Re: dead X husband, posted by go4it on March 29, 2004, at 20:14:30
I understand your anxiety about the x-boyfriend. Hang in there. You sound like a strong and positive person to me. The AD will help and you're wise knowing that it has to have time to kick in.......I'm thinking of you.......
Posted by Jai Narayan on March 30, 2004, at 17:15:22
In reply to Re: dead X husband » go4it, posted by fayeroe on March 29, 2004, at 20:37:24
Dear Sweet person named Fayeroe....I just think you are wonderful. I have so appreciated your life giving responses to my needs....my cry for support. I love to follow where you have posted. You are so filled with heart and love. I admire you and do my best to be like you.
Thanks.
Jai Narayan
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