Posted by go4it on March 26, 2004, at 13:57:38
I don't know really how to start this. My X husband and I divorced 11 years ago. I had 3 babies at the time 41/2 and a2 year old and a 9 month old. Neither one of us remarried but we remained friends. I really did my part, I must say and I will explain. My X never paid full child support nor did he have insurance for the boys. I never made an issue over it because I wanted him to be able to come over and not have friction. Their mental health was more important to me. In the last 3 years he had cancer multiple myeloma a bone and blood disease. I ended up taking care of him the last few months of his illness. I took him to doctors appointments and chemo all of it. I brought my kids up to the hospital every night, because I wanted them never to feel that they didn't get to be with their dad. I'm sorry this is so long.. I need to get it out. Anyway, I was with him when he found out he had 2 weeks to live. It was hard because he was my firend but he also was my X husband. At the time of this I never grieved. I just kept going. I said to my boys the other night it's like we just kept digging this ditch because we knew that we had to do it, never looking back. I also at this time was in the middle of a relationship that was very unhealthy. I have been trying to break that off and have not spoken to him for the last month. That is the firat time in three years we have gone without speaking. But Iknow I needed it to end and I HAVE to stay away from him. During all this my business was failing. ( I am self employed) I just couldn't do everything. I had clients cancelling on me and i am left with one client period out of about 10. I find myself unmotivated and not wanting to do anything. I am angry at myself now that I never made an issue about money with my X because he didn't leave me anything to take care of the boys. He had a condo that was sold but I made sure the money was put ina trust fund for them and not touched. I am left feeling unfinished. I don't know how to handle it I have been really depressed. My regular doctor gave me wellbutrin and xanax as well as today he priscribed adavan.I haven't picked up the adavan yet. I have been on the wellbutrin for 10 days and I still don't feel much better. I am overwhelmed with my kids and all their friends and trying to work and get new business and just pay bills. I feel like I can't do it all. I keep seeing my X husband in the hospital and how sick he was the image keeps coming back to me. ( there is no spell check and I type bad so please excuse that) The boyfriend I got a restraining order for but they never were able to serve him papers. The thought of talking to him creates tremendous anxiety for me as I was so hurt in that relationship. Bottom line I am a MESS HELP! (It has been 6 months since my X died)
poster:go4it
thread:328757
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040220/msgs/328757.html