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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jai Narayan on February 19, 2004, at 17:52:41
My mother, who played a very pivotal role in my life died last year on Feb. 28th.
The one year marker is coming up.
Her funeral was on April fools day....no one else wanted that day. .My mother was wise, a fool,cleaver, kind, cruel, very witty, quite an artist, insiteful, gone....so gone for most of my life....and in pain.
She spent about half of her life in institutions and the other half being the super mom.she could sew a prom dress, a witty appliqué, cook a wonderful meal and kneel in the street waiting for gods forgiveness.
She would sit with a drink in one hand and a Winston cigarette in the other.
I remember sneaking a butt from her drawer where she always had a carton...we would go out back behind the kitchen and make ourselves sick on the old stale cigarette. We would pretend we were mom with her quick talk and her ready drink.She was sure there was a crew of film makers filming her story. We would joke about going to the kitchen window and stating that the film crew had just run away so she would not see them.
Good old mom, god love you, you were so important in our lives. I hope you are out of the bardo....XOXOXO
Posted by EmmyS on February 19, 2004, at 23:13:03
In reply to one year anniversary of my mothers death, posted by Jai Narayan on February 19, 2004, at 17:52:41
Jai - I read above that you lost your father recently too. The anniversaries can be so difficult. How are you doing after this year? Please take care.
Namaste
Emmy
Posted by obSession on February 26, 2004, at 16:14:04
In reply to Re: one year anniversary of my mothers death » Jai Narayan, posted by EmmyS on February 19, 2004, at 23:13:03
I hate death anniversaries....
I hate mothers day!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate birthday anniversaries ....it all sux!I hate death - hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by EmmyS on February 27, 2004, at 8:21:27
In reply to Re: one year anniversary of my mothers death, posted by obSession on February 26, 2004, at 16:14:04
Would you tell us about your mom? Mother's Day is also not my favorite...ugh. Spring means it's coming up. Crud. Dang those Hallmark commercials. Emmy
Posted by Jai Narayan on February 27, 2004, at 18:46:44
In reply to Re: one year anniversary of my mothers death, posted by EmmyS on February 27, 2004, at 8:21:27
> Would you tell us about your mom? Mother's Day is also not my favorite...ugh. Spring means it's coming up. Crud. Dang those Hallmark commercials. Emmy
*My mom could fill a book.
She was so big in her personality. She was an open woman and so intelligent.
I guess I would love you to know was she was real hard.
I survived her.
She had a very hard time giving birth to my older sister (mom and baby almost died in birth) and then a few precious months later she was pregnant again with me.
She lost it.I guess if you believe in people being able to decide when and where we are born. I guess it was my decision???? I am unclear why I would choose to be born at that time???
So my mother and I began our connection with a very difficult beginning and it really ended up with a truce. We ended up being able to tollerate eachother... how is that love???
I never felt easy with her, I never felt the support that some feel from their mothers, I never got the love...the sweet love.
My mothers milk was poison for me.
I searched for a mother all my life. I spent many an hour praying and crying. I had an apparition that the goddess appeard to me. She reached her hand down to me and it was filled with light. She was reaching my hand and I held hers till I woke up with the feeling of such joy.....I just never had a mother love me before.
I was in so much need all my life.
I guess you may understand this story and be able to echo it in your life.
Am I wrong?
thanks for asking.
I really appreciate you.
I posted this in both places,.... I guess I just wanted to respond.
Posted by fayeroe on February 29, 2004, at 7:59:15
In reply to Re: one year anniversary of my mothers death, posted by Jai Narayan on February 27, 2004, at 18:46:44
Jai, I spent so many years in therapy trying to get my mother's approval.......I was 33 when I finally gave in and realized that it was for naught. She had lost her mother at a very young age and had reared some of her siblings. She married my dad and then was saddled with some of his relatives. I probably never had one morning where I woke up to pleasantness...there was always name-calling and fighting going on at my house before dawn. I would work so hard to achieve the "magical" task and would believe that it was the one where she would hug me and cry and tell me how hard I had worked, etc...and HOW proud of me she was....didn't happen.I'll never forget calling her and telling her that I had been elected to the board of directors for Planned Parenthood in the city where I lived~~~~~~~total silence. I think she was proud at times, but praise wasn't forthcoming.
She had several strokes and at the age of 56, I closed my business and moved back to care for her. One day when I had just bathed and changed her, she grabbed my arm with her "good" left hand and was able to say "glad, glad, glad".....so I knew that at last I was doing something that she responded to. It was a very strange feeling to know that the balance had tipped...she died three weeks later at the age of 93. AND I still catch myself thinking that I wish I had a "mom-mom" that I could go to with anything and she would respond to me in a gentle loving way. We never outgrow our need for that. Pat
Posted by Jai Narayan on February 29, 2004, at 21:56:19
In reply to Re: one year anniversary of my mothers death » Jai Narayan, posted by fayeroe on February 29, 2004, at 7:59:15
Mom stories are so amazing. I would just love to be your mom for 5 minutes. I would hold you and tell you what a wonderful person you are. I would kiss your forhead and stroke your hair. I would hold you till you felt so secure and loved.
I would create a safe place for you to be sassy and silly.
I would rock you in the rocking chair and tell you how much I loved till you fell asleep.
Oh safety and love it's so sweet.
Posted by fayeroe on March 1, 2004, at 5:52:19
In reply to what a powerful story, posted by Jai Narayan on February 29, 2004, at 21:56:19
What a lovely way to start my week!!!!!!!Pat
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