Posted by fayeroe on February 29, 2004, at 7:59:15
In reply to Re: one year anniversary of my mothers death, posted by Jai Narayan on February 27, 2004, at 18:46:44
Jai, I spent so many years in therapy trying to get my mother's approval.......I was 33 when I finally gave in and realized that it was for naught. She had lost her mother at a very young age and had reared some of her siblings. She married my dad and then was saddled with some of his relatives. I probably never had one morning where I woke up to pleasantness...there was always name-calling and fighting going on at my house before dawn. I would work so hard to achieve the "magical" task and would believe that it was the one where she would hug me and cry and tell me how hard I had worked, etc...and HOW proud of me she was....didn't happen.I'll never forget calling her and telling her that I had been elected to the board of directors for Planned Parenthood in the city where I lived~~~~~~~total silence. I think she was proud at times, but praise wasn't forthcoming.
She had several strokes and at the age of 56, I closed my business and moved back to care for her. One day when I had just bathed and changed her, she grabbed my arm with her "good" left hand and was able to say "glad, glad, glad".....so I knew that at last I was doing something that she responded to. It was a very strange feeling to know that the balance had tipped...she died three weeks later at the age of 93. AND I still catch myself thinking that I wish I had a "mom-mom" that I could go to with anything and she would respond to me in a gentle loving way. We never outgrow our need for that. Pat
poster:fayeroe
thread:315813
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040220/msgs/318718.html