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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on July 20, 2006, at 17:10:59
I know I do this a lot -- I absorb the criticism, and reject the compliments. Today, I did that again, but I was aware of it -- if not right that minute, at least soon afterwards. Why? If I take the criticism as being accurate, and either fall into despair or try to make sure that particular criticism never gets aimed at me again, WHY don't I accept the compliments, too?
Even if I manage the one thing I'm trying to learn, and say, "Thank you," without going on to show why I don't deserve it ("this blouse I made? You like it? Thank you. You know, there's a problem here with the collar, and if you look over here, the buttonholes are crooked..."), I still reject it internally: "She's saying I'm a good student because she wants to give some positive feedback or because she doesn't know what I'm really like..."
Today, my teacher told me I was good at what we were doing. Now, I think I kinda am good at it, so that should simply have corroborated my own self image in that area, right? But I still found myself rejecting it internally!
Please, could someone knock me on the head? I think something's come loose in there...
And it's not that I decided I wasn't good at this *because* she said it -- because I still believed she was right! Talk about tangled logic...
What happens to the rest of you when something like this comes up?
Posted by cloudydaze on July 20, 2006, at 18:56:36
In reply to Deflecting positive feedback?, posted by Racer on July 20, 2006, at 17:10:59
For people with low self esteem, this is often the case.
I do this too.
For me, its a matter of talking myself into the fact that i could have possibly done something good
Positive self talk :)
Sorry i couldnt be more help...
Posted by TexasChic on July 20, 2006, at 19:24:57
In reply to Deflecting positive feedback?, posted by Racer on July 20, 2006, at 17:10:59
I recently did the same thing! And I thought I had gotten so much better with my self esteem. It was when I was talking to my boss at my last job, he said he admired me because instead of just sitting around whining, I dived in and did something about my situation. So what do I say? "Oh yeah, well, it was kind of a freak thing, I think I just happened to be in the right place at the right time." As soon as I said it I realized what I had done! He looked at me kind of funny too.
-T
Posted by AuntieMel on July 21, 2006, at 9:34:49
In reply to Deflecting positive feedback?, posted by Racer on July 20, 2006, at 17:10:59
I think we are trained from birth to do this, aren't we?
If someone says something nice, we are *supposed* to have an 'aw shucks' response.
It's just that most people don't internalize the 'aw shucks' as much as we do.
Posted by justy0urlaugh on July 21, 2006, at 11:04:22
In reply to Re: Deflecting positive feedback? » Racer, posted by AuntieMel on July 21, 2006, at 9:34:49
it is hard to accept the point of view from another, we think we know best about ourselves?
Posted by Dinah on July 21, 2006, at 11:16:43
In reply to Re: Deflecting positive feedback?, posted by justy0urlaugh on July 21, 2006, at 11:04:22
Isn't that kind of the opposite of low self esteem?
I think that's the point of irony for me.
Posted by justy0urlaugh on July 21, 2006, at 11:24:10
In reply to Re: Deflecting positive feedback? » justy0urlaugh, posted by Dinah on July 21, 2006, at 11:16:43
"i'm bad i'm bad and no one can tell me i am not"!
Posted by Racer on July 21, 2006, at 16:22:25
In reply to Re: Deflecting positive feedback? » justy0urlaugh, posted by Dinah on July 21, 2006, at 11:16:43
Posted by llrrrpp on July 21, 2006, at 17:05:09
In reply to lol! That's what makes me cross eyed, too! (nm) » Dinah, posted by Racer on July 21, 2006, at 16:22:25
Every compliment you recieve is an opportunity to rewrite your internal script.
I really like that blouse, Racer
Internal monologue: "wow, it must look good. The little mistakes I made don't detract from the overall attractiveness of the blouse"
(racer, my buttonholes are always screwed up too! and don't get me started on Zippers. I mess up hems. I do darts well, and also princess seams, but that's about it!)
You are doing really well on this project (says your professor)
Internal monologue: "Go Racer! It's not perfect yet, because I'm still figuring it out, but I must be on the right track. Keep up the good work!"
Instead of cringing when you receive a compliment, take a moment, pause, and internalize it. take it to heart, and then respond. "Thank you" and smile, because you mean it. Self-confidence is attractive (sexy?) and you won't come off as being arrogant, if this is what you're afraid of.
-ll
Posted by Phillipa on July 21, 2006, at 21:10:41
In reply to every compliment is an opportunity, posted by llrrrpp on July 21, 2006, at 17:05:09
I've learned to say Thank-you and say no more. Love Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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