Posted by philyra on December 10, 2006, at 11:43:20
I think I'm having some heavy duty transference with a professor. I have been feeling really uncomfortable around him all semester, he's one of my advisors and someone I look up to tremendously. I can't seem to stop imagining that he's judging me harshly and is disappointed in me, even though I have NO evidence for this. He's friendly and encouraging, but not overly so: he's got good boundaries. The other night I found myself sobbing and just being really aware of wanting his approval and caring and not getting it in the way I wish I did. Not in a romantic way, but more fatherly maybe? I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm jealous of other students who I imagine get more approval that I do. Nuts!
I need to de-escalate some of these feelings since this is someone I'll be working with for the long haul...I scheduled a meeting w/ him this week bcs I feel like I need to do a reality check for myself and ask him for some feedback on my work, but I'm worried that I'm going to get all tripped up on whatever he says, no matter how constructive it is. Stuck in my story about how he is disappointed in me. I'm not the type to fall apart in meetings with authority figures, but I'm a little worried that I'll do that too.
help!
actually just writing this out helps a bit...
philyra
poster:philyra
thread:712151
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/studs/20060709/msgs/712151.html