Posted by alexandra_k on June 26, 2005, at 19:23:12
In reply to I have to get out of here..., posted by alexandra_k on June 26, 2005, at 19:13:11
What to do... What to do...
There isn't anything I can do until October with respect to moving on.
At least tutoring has stopped.
Thank God for that.
I'm really disillusioned with this place.
Lets be honest...
I'm really disillusioned with the quality of a pass here.
Pressure to pass
But I live in a hostel
And I see how much time people spend working
And how much time they spend enjoying our binge drinking culture.
To go home and tell others
So we get even more of them.Shortsighted.
Thats the trouble.
They are too bloody shortsighted to see how they are contributing to the downward spiral.
To give credit for what should simply be expected.I have to get out of here.
The only trouble is...
It means I start to question myself.When I was in Australia...
I thought it would be great.
I'd leave all my sh*t behind. But it followed me. It followed me.I spend a lot of time in my room.
A lot.
I'm scaired of people.
The only way I can be social is to have drugs as a common interest.
And I'm not into drinking.I'm scaired.
I'm tired.
I'm thoroughly disillusioned.And what majorly sucks...
Last time I was in hospital my supervisor decided to come and visit me. In the bloody psych ward. OMG. And now he pities me. I can see it. He goes around telling people I'm 'fragile' and I can see pity. He used to believe in me. He doesn't anymore. He feels sorry for me. He doesn't take me seriously anymore.I shouldn't worry.
Most people don't think a lot of him and I can see why.
But...
He has always been so very good to me. And I didn't want to believe them. It is just that he is so slow... It can take him forever to say anything. And he tends to nod off. And sidetrack the discussion with a commentary on something going on outside his window. But he was good to me.And now I feel sick
I'm so very disillusioned
I'm terrified of moving
Even though there isn't anything here for me
It is familiar
It is familiar
And other people
(Hell even the people here)
Terrify the hell out of me.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:519464
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/studs/20050329/msgs/519472.html