Posted by alexandra_k on October 26, 2014, at 20:51:32
In reply to nesting, posted by alexandra_k on October 24, 2014, at 18:04:30
not feeling the love for physics or for law. which is bad of me, rather, since my grades from here actually mean something...
i have lost... that part of me that loved learning for learnings sake. that part of me that thought it would be wonderful to take a first year course in everything there was. that part of me is gone, now. i think because i've found my focus.
i always used to feel a little... scathing? at the people who didn't have a love of learning for learnings sake. and i never really understood how making something practical made it easier. or how making something relevant to something that a person is interested in makes it seem easier.
but now... physics stuff comes up... refractions through the parts of the eye... diffusion through cells of different areas and thicknesses... and that stuff makes sense. seems relevant. seems interesting. seems important. whereas physics in the abstract... i really can't wrap my head around it. and i'll admit... it is something that i just sit there... in a little pool of despair about... not something that gets me perked up or interested. or feeling the love, really. it just all seems a bit too much.
my thesis got to be like that. with my hating it.
i... i don't think it will matter to entry next year if i fail physics. i... don't think they will fail me. i think they will find it in their hearts to scrape me a pass... oh please oh please oh please...
i've... perhaps learned a lesson about how there are a variety of reasons why people get the variety of grades they do. i perhaps... was a bit too keen to write people off as not very bright or ill motivated before... i feel... kinder now. which is good. humbled.
so...
parts of animal bio.
-- plan B. i need one. so i'm not totally destroyed if things don't work out. turns out that you can do a bunch of MEDSCI papers with a physiology major. and that switching to a physiology major won't land me with a physics requirement. if i don't get into med... i can finish off a degree and apply again. switching out of health science and back into science... might mean it takes me an extra year (though perhaps not with the papers i've done this year). only my last 2 count for GPA for med entry...
there was also a blurb that came out... about applying for med. they do want a 350 word blurb on why you want to do it... they also want a 150 word blurb on leadership and the like. i have stuff to say about organising conferences and peer review etc. i have done stuff in the past like volunteered for riding for disabled and summer camp... i... am looking into joining a weightlifting club... i could actually join the NZ club as a carded athlete... even if i never compete... it is something to say... uh... it sounds a whole lot better than 'i like the gym'. and there isn't a university club... there is actually a proper weightlifting club... a bit of a hike... but actually hikeable. i think they do get kids... saw some vids of some girls... high school age... doing something like that one day a week... perhaps on a saturday morning... could be really terrific for me. i'll see...
anyway...
ticking along. a bit scared i'm... letting people down somehow. that people will... be... angry? dissapointed? in me that i won't do well... something...
i think i have learned an important lesson about focus, though. i... do need to follow my passions. there's nothing else to be done with me...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1058481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20141012/msgs/1072889.html