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Re: exhausted

Posted by alexandra_k on August 28, 2014, at 21:39:07

In reply to Re: bugs, posted by alexandra_k on August 28, 2014, at 10:14:34

of course i'm not going to end up representing myself... i'm just exhausted. that horrible cranky over-tired. this week really has been the week from hell with all the assessments and lab... then extra stuff with court and the learning needs people... and grading stuff i wasn't meant to start thinking about till next week but got sent some stuff on that so it's started swirling around in there already...

at least i'm not sick. a lot of people are. most people aren't showing up to classes this week... which will only pressure them more with the approach to exam (since stuff this week will surely show for that). i guess i'm fighting off something though... slept early last night (instead of studying). tossed and turned much of the night. still exhausted... biology test tonight. 6.30-8.30 on a Friday just before break. for a 35% test. Bastards. on a lab week, too. Bastards. I'm certainly not as prepared as I should be... Can put in a couple hours now... Then nap for an hour... Then just do the best I can.

Take a benzo tonight so I don't toss and turn all night. Take the weekend off... Grading early next week... Then lots and lots of reading I need to do... Prereading for the second half... Practicing calculations for physics... Last test (that I probably failed) only worth 10%. Guess they know... 60% for the exam... I hope things come together better for me then. Practice... Practice... Practice... I was capable of doing them. They weren't particularly hard. It was just... Freaking out. Freaking out and rushing and stupid errors... Hard after writing a law exam... Glad to have the exam early right after the last test...

Garbeled... Sorry... Exam timetable just went up. Physics test (10%) last day of semester. Then 6 days before physics exam. Then 7 days before biology exam. Then 3 days before law exam. Kinda wish a little more time before law - but I"ll be stuffed by then, honestly. Good to get physics done early - just after the test. When I'm in... Physics mode. Then cramming for bio. Then... Reading for law. She wants more names and dates and section this and maaori phrase that... Which is all fair... But takes time... And while I have been doing the readings I haven't been summarising them quite the way I should be... And, uh, I did them before the semester started, really, in a blitz of a day or two... And refresh a bit as I'm able, but, uh, not well enough, really. I'll get the rest of them done before we start back after break, of course. But that isn't really good enough... I knows... Sigh. Not enough hours...

I am starting to get interested in international law... stuff about infant milk formula and growing vaccines in tobacco plants and so on... baby gammy... disability discrimination... the role of... society... culture... even judges are governed by popular opinion... you don't want a revolution, i guess... how the treaty is being used over here to protect us kiwis from foreign exploitation... how it can be... it is a way of interpreting things... how lawyers / judges have started... but how the public and politicians don't really understand as yet... they still fear it... think that the law is giving more to maaori than to middle class white folk... mmm hmm... in protecting us from being exploited by foreign corporations and from sh*tt*ng too badly in our own nests... anyway... getting more interesting... which might well be for the best... since this whole medicine thing... well... the uni isn't set up to prepare people for the 'hard' courses so much as being happy to take everybodies money... i probably don't have a chance of doing well enough... and even if i did well enough i think the interviewers are more interested in how medicine has been in my family for generations than anything else.. for a position that involves managing teams of allied health professionals so well they don't even know they are being managed. maybe something like law would be better for me... i don't know... i guess i should have a frank conversation with some academic people i know about realistic.... options... that might open up for me were i to pursue that path...

playing happy puppy games with other lawyers / judges clerks / police... doesn't really do it for me, i mean. if that is part of the job description... i'm not sure i could do... would like... i'd probably be more of a judges lawyer but then... i'm sure a lot of people would prefer to do that...

 

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