Posted by Fivefires on August 13, 2009, at 10:54:32
In reply to Re: Think my namesake's tragedy is mine too??, posted by manic666 on August 13, 2009, at 3:04:46
He was a wonderful person, just 21yrs/old, and it was another young pilot that asked he and his best friend to go up w/ him the awful day. My m learned of it on radio while in hosp delivering older sister. My d wasn't able to get to her before the broadcast. Then I don't know much but that from outward appearances she was very strong, my m. She said it bothered her how suddenly no one spoke of him anymore. Maybe giving me this name was a way of bringing part of him back to her, and instead of all that he was to become, she got stuck w/ an outlaw(figuratively) like me!
He said 'I am going to earn my life' ... m***er often would tell me, repeat it to me. Well you all know I think I'm not workin'. He was handsome, strong, intelligent, and a forward thinker whom I'd think might have done something wonderful to change the world, all this via pics and stories she's told. I wish Idk why my gm never talked to me of him as we were very close nearer her latter years. She was sharp as a (of my wit it gone) whatever, until given Haldol and I hypothesize developed NMS or SS and tho' here, she wasn't here.
I think of what XXX might have done w/ his life in comparison to what has happened (so much is on my shoulders that feels displaced so I disagree that we make the beds we lie in) in my life, feel I've failed her plan to bring him back, but like displacement of wrong-doing, much has occurred which I did not orchestrate, but which has towed me under.I am completely alone, losing weight, not enuf $ for transportation, grieving still my d/f and having to end the relationship with the chameleon white knight turning to black. I'm so heartbroken yet feel less anxiety about lies, stealing, drugs in home.
I needed foo now and m doesn't want me there; it's clear; none do, ... for her sake.
U are all I have. Last T violated privacy but bill is sitting here next to me. All support for 2+ decades of abuse is 1hr a wk w/o transportation nearby.
The grief of ending life w/ the white knight is heavy. I haven't washed a dish since I first realized he would not stop bad behavior, for me, ever, and reported he violated oop.
So here at this time am alone and ill and I needed them and they not want me, so I have cut off all communication w/ them cuz hurts too much and cannot be pushed one inch closer to the edge. I'm so close now I can see the fire down below.
tks p and m666
5f
poster:Fivefires
thread:911857
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090802/msgs/911915.html