Posted by ClearSkies on February 22, 2008, at 11:42:23
In reply to Re: Feeling anxious, posted by tina on February 22, 2008, at 10:15:33
I was just about to echo Tina's words. It's hard to keep learning how to NOT be codependents to people in our lives who struggle with substance abuse problems. I'm reminded of the wisdom of another woman writer, Byron Katie, who (I'll paraphrase here) says that there are three different people's business that we try to mind - our own, other people's, and God's - and the only one that we can ever be successful at doing, is minding our own business. Sounds kind of harsh - I think she had a gentler way of putting it - but trying to mind your son's business, Kath, is what is making you crazy.
He's going to do what he's going to do - because he's already doing it. To wish it was something else, or to worry about it because it seems unsafe or unwise, is what's causing you anxiety. It's only when we trust that the other people are doing what they are meant to do - simply because they are doing it - that we can begin to feel some peace inside.
I've been going through this process with my step daughter, who has chosen her own path. At first it worried me, then it saddened me, and then I had to let it go - because she's already doing it. It's like fighting reality, to wish she was something or someone that she simply isn't. Nothing has changed except how I see her, which is just as herself, not as the person I wish she would become.
Can you see the difference there?
((((Kath)))) It does set you free, and you do not love them any less. If anything, it feels like unconditional love, because that's what it is.ClearSkies
poster:ClearSkies
thread:814062
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080215/msgs/814101.html