Posted by Kath on July 26, 2006, at 21:01:37
In reply to Re: Very Good News » Kath, posted by AuntieMel on July 26, 2006, at 17:31:18
> That's really good. I'm so happy that you don't have to worry about him being on the streets.******at least for now! I'm trying to view it as 'his journey'. Now that he's decided to be in touch with bio-Dad, I feel I will do better in stepping back. In fact, if he does call in future, I'm going to point out that I'm way back here & his bio-Dad is right there. It makes sense for b-D to be his support person. Besides the distance, I'm tired of the chaos & drama. I'll still be loving, but he's an adult & I don't want to do the parenting thing any more. I know I'm a parent forever, but I now want an adult-to-adult relationship*****
>
> Word of warning - or two...
>
> Try not to get *too* 'un-detached' even with good news. It's really good for him to *not* think it can be forgotten easily.******Thanks. My daughter (30) is freaked that I'm even talking to him! I guess she's seen him take advantage of me & take me for granted & only call me when he wants something etc. I have been pretty non-emotional about both the negative AND the positive. I feel like I've been messed around & I'm still NOT a happy camper at all! I still want to mention that he left without even mentioning anything about the money he owes me. He hasn't mentioned it...which is understandable under the circumstances I guess, but he COULD say, "You know Mom, I haven't forgotten that I owe you money..." etc. But THAT's not uppermost in his mind. But they scr**ed up bigtime & I am not forgetting. I'm being kind & accepting, but not gushy, etc.*****
> Trust is earned, 'ya know.
>
> And if he's really addicted, don't be supprised or even too disapointed if he slips. The answer to that is 'well, get back on the horse and get back to it.' And remind him he's only a loser if he quits trying. And ask him what he learned this time.
>
> Odds are it will happen. But each slip can be a learning experience.
>
> And each day he doesn't slip is a miracle.*******Thanks AM - I do expect that this is just another of the ups & downs. It's like a roller coaster going up & down - sometimes they're fast ups & downs & sometimes they're longer ones. My daughter is also quite 'put-out' that the word "clean" is being used when he's using weed. I see the point. She's 6 or so years clean & sober. The way I look at it, at least he's off chems for now & that's better for his health & safer. At the same time, the emotional pain that's being medicated by his daily use of substances hasn't been dealt with & I don't think he'll get his life straightened out until that happens.
Thanks for your support.
:-)) Kath
Boy it feels nice to smile & I STILL want chocolate. During the day I forget to buy it!!
poster:Kath
thread:669839
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060721/msgs/670902.html