Posted by Kath on May 21, 2006, at 22:39:20
In reply to Alright, I have a different take on this. » Kath, posted by madeline on May 21, 2006, at 20:44:02
Hi Maddie,
> What drugs is your son on? ***marijuana, alcohol - I think they're the main ones. I know he also sometimes does acid, ecstasy, sometimes cocaine. As far as I know it's mainly weed & booze.****
Do you have any idea? Where is he getting the money to pay for them? ***I don't like to say on here; I suspect he sells to friends and friends come to their house & share*****
Is he an alcoholic? ******No, but he IS dependent on using whatever substance to avoid the pain of reality, I think.****
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> Whenever illicit drugs are on board or alcoholism is on the table, then it becomes a totally different ballgame to me. Laziness is one thing, but addicitions of this type can ruin a person from the inside out, and the son you love may be lost inside a bottle or down a crack pipe.
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> To me, your son might be 22 but he may need you now just as much as he did when he was an infant.
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> I'm not talking about where is he going to put his stuff when he gets kicked out of his apartment, I'm talking about an escalating pattern of drug abuse and neglect.
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> You need to determine the extent of his drug use and if it's bad, you need to get him into rehab. Physically put him there if need be. Legally, get medical power of attorney, have him declared incompetent, do what you need to do to help your son.
****He was in 'rehab' when he was, I think it was 17. At that time we said he had to go if he was going to continue living with us. He didn't want to be there. I can ask my doctor about medical power of attorney....although up 'til now, my doctor has had the opinion that my son's drug use is not an addiction, but rather a lifestyle choice. I can discuss this again with my doctor. Perhaps I'll try, next time I see my son, to be open & honest with him about how I see what I feel is his drug-use keeping him from doing what he needs to do to get his life "on track". You know, I am really nervous about actually saying that. What am I afraid of? It's just me 'speaking my truth', right?
Am I afraid he'll get mad? Am I afraid he won't speak to me? Neither of those things really matter. Am I afraid that having me say that will be the straw that breaks the camel's back & he'll have a breakdown where he won't be able to do ANYTHING? Right now, I have the hope that he'll get a job & get back on track....as time goes on it seems like a less likely thing to happen day by day. Realistically, why would Mom saying that make him have a breakdown? Although the last time I said that I think he should stop doing drugs - maybe a little weed or alcohol, but not heavy stuff - there was a brief glimpse of something I saw. Like a little spark or something. At the time it sort of hit me, but I didn't think much of it - but now that I'm thinking of it - it looked like a teeny bit of fear. I'm not sure what that fear was about. This feels scarey to me....like I should have this talk, but am scared to.********> I've seen this happen so many times and the parents just think they are powerless to help, or just simply pay bill after bill after bill. If your son can't take control of his life, then you need to do it for him and you might just save his life in the process.
******I'll talk with my doctor. I think at the very least, I can have a heart-to-heart with my son; tell him I love him dearly; that I see his life getting more & more out of control....that I feel that his drug use is a big contributing factor & that I'm here to help him help himself when he's ready. I do feel that I could do that. It wouldn't be comfortable, but I think I could.
I had already decided to tell him that since he doesn't want my suggestions about how to 'fix' his situation, I need not to hear details about problems in his life; that way I won't stew about them & try to find solutions to suggest. That's what I had planned to say; now I feel mixed up about what to do. Maybe I could do both. Thanks for your concern Maddie & for your suggestions.I know that at 2 of the good rehab places in Ontario (Canada) the 'patient' needs to make the decision to attend. I guess they go by the belief that an addict has to be ready to help him or herself.
Thanks for answering my post. Kath****
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> Maddie
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poster:Kath
thread:646542
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060521/msgs/646756.html