Posted by Shy_Girl on April 29, 2005, at 13:54:50
In reply to Re: Desensitized to suicide? » Shy_Girl, posted by PM80 on April 29, 2005, at 8:11:55
>Could it be that what you really want is attention and validation? Do people take you more seriously when you talk about killing yourself? It feels really nice when people pay attention and care about us.
I never tell anyone about my fantasies...only my pdoc, she's the only one who will not over-react. I think I fantasize because it is much easier than coping with life.
> ...maybe when you feel good, you do not think that you deserve it.
I love being happy and having hope, I have a lot of confidence then. I think I deserve to be happy.
>Could your fascination with suicide be connected with a desire to be allowed to feel a range of emotions?
Hmmm...interesting idea, I'm not sure.
> OR could suicide-lover maybe be an identity of sorts for you? Something like, you are the "messed" up girl who loves suicide, when peers talk about you? Again, this would garnish a lot of sympathy for you. Sympathy feels nice.
I don't have any friends, so there are no peers. I don't tell anyone except my pdoc...so it's not for sympathy. I don't deserve sympathy. I think it is more a sacriface thing...I'm taking up much needed resources and I would be more good in death than in life.
> Maybe it is some combo of these ideas or maybe it is something else all together, but suicide is a scapegoat for you. It is a distraction from a real issue, a real pain, in your life.
Yes, it is a distraction...from living life. I hope that if I use it to avoid life enough, my life will become unliveable, then it will be easy to complete my fantasy.
> You're human and do not need to be ashamed of your feelings or what you post here or what you say elsewhere, butI would recommend getting help immediately. One day, you might feel so low and act on this fascination. Suicide is a horribly permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I am getting help already. I want to push things to the edge so I will feel so bad that I can act. Isn't a permanent solution better than a temporary solution?
Shy Girl
poster:Shy_Girl
thread:491253
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050426/msgs/491533.html