Posted by sunny10 on April 29, 2005, at 12:04:50
In reply to Re: Alesta and Sunny » Susan47, posted by Susan47 on April 29, 2005, at 11:31:19
I know that I've been guilty of "not letting in the knowledge" sometimes... Like the other day, I was talking to my SO about how he is not drinking the hard alcohol anymore because he becomes aggressive. He was saying that he doesn't even miss it, and that he's not going to the liquor store to buy it, 'cause if it sits in his house, he'll drink it. I thought that was pretty great, but then I let the comment, "but I'll still go out once in a blue moon with Mike, or somebody, and kick it up, maybe" slide by without commenting on it.
And I should have commented on it right then and there. But I kinda disassociated it out of fear of confrontation (sigh, the usual cause) and now that is has been remembered (two days later), it will be harder to GO BACK to that comment in order to talk it out.
But I have to. Because I really think that the reason it was easier for him to quit the rum and tequila is because he was so shocked at his own behavior. If he starts it up again, what's it going to take to shock him NEXT time??? Will it finally take killing or being killed in a barfight??? It just sounds stupid to me to go out with the intent of getting drunk when you know it controls YOU more than you control IT, and I want him to think about that, so I've got to talk to him about it.
I think sometimes that it is hard to ignore the body language we read from them ("I think you're attractive and really great") while they are using the words we don't want to hear. "I can't help you", "I'm planning on getting drunk again sometime in the future", whatever it is we don't want to hear...Our brains are so busy assimilating the visual clues, that we neglect the audio, I think...
Well, I just learned that I better GET BETTER at giving the audio/verbal conversation A LOT more attention...
Your last post, Suze, brought this to mind for me... maybe it's true for you also??
poster:sunny10
thread:490260
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050426/msgs/491456.html