Posted by gardenergirl on April 13, 2005, at 15:57:54
In reply to Re: Tamar, posted by sunny10 on April 13, 2005, at 14:49:18
Glad to hear you got a lease. That will take some stress off. And okay, I don't usually give advice. I tend to ask a lot of questions and then let folks decide for themselves. For whatever reason, I'm breaking my rules today. :)
Regarding counselling and such...I do think that change is possible after a traumatic event. But I also think that fear can make us say things in the moment that we are not able to follow through on. My advice is to just take things very slowly. It sounds like you do love him, but you also do not want to go through that again. That's wise.
I think living separately and working separately on your own issues, while perhaps remaining in contact on some safe level is a good idea. But I think that he needs to earn your trust again, and that will take some time. Couples counselling is not a bad idea, but again, he needs to commit to it. Think about how you feel in both scenarios: if he begins individual therapy and drops out, or if you begin couples therapy and he drops out. Which scenario would be more stressful? And I'm not saying he IS going to drop out. I guess I'm just looking at how to minimize your stress right now, as it seems like it's at a super high level.
I guess the bottom line message I have is just go slow, and like you said, one day at a time.
Hang in there, sweetie.
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:483302
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050408/msgs/483810.html