Posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2005, at 18:36:03
In reply to Re: ???????? » alexandra_k, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on March 27, 2005, at 17:53:27
>I don't know where that came from.
Exclusionary
Inconsiderate
ThoughtlessI thought these words were starting to occur to people.
> it's simply that some people don't always agree with the concept... period.
How do you feel if you reflect on the above way of seeing it?
>as far as how I feel being what I focus on.. that's just such a given. Maybe that's why people got offended???
But then at other times people don't seem to like the idea (as you said) - so it isn't a given after all.> I'll put it this way. Suppose I really want children, and good friends of mine are celebrating having a baby, I'd be happy for them, and also feel a bit sad.
Of course.
>Ít doesn't mean I don't think they should be allowed to have children.
Absolutely.
>If I was sad and someone said " you can choose to focus on something else" I'd feel like saying "f*ck off"Absolutely :-)
>Who isn't doing that consciously already?
Well, someone might get into a rage about it. That it is 'just not fair'. That they shouldn't have done that. That it was inconsiderate of them etc. If the latter happened then my guess would be that they weren't doing that consciously already and then there could be some use in them thinking about the way they are viewing it and about how that is fueling their distress.
>Hurt doesn't have to be justified,
No, it doesn't. It just is.
>and I don't believe we can *choose* how we feel all the time, I never will.
Neither do I. I never said that. I just think that if we are very very upset then we can view things differently which results in less hurt. Not that the hurt goes away completely (though it might in some cases). Just that it lessens so that it is manageable.
> I said learn, and how I meant that was maybe sometime in his life he'll have another group of various means that he would like to invite somewhere, now he'll have another factor to take into consideration.
You didn't think that one had occured to him already??
> Sometimes though, if a person is used to living a certain way they can forget that it's not that way for everyone.
Yeah.
>which is why I'm wondering why you think I'm very upset, or upset at people.
I actually started saying this stuff in response to jyl. Other people just kind of joined in..
I have had a bad time with CBT too.
I think that people are confusing what I say with all the CBTish stuff they have been told before.I get that.
I get that I have to be very very careful.
Backpeddal from that.
Constantly.
It is hard work.Will I every learn to leave stuff alone???
poster:alexandra_k
thread:475134
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050316/msgs/476381.html