Posted by corafree on March 26, 2005, at 11:37:09
In reply to Re: At What Price Security?, posted by Susan47 on March 25, 2005, at 17:00:19
There was land given to me and my siblings, prob' ten years ago now. Everyone but me used it for adding onto or building a house. It was just after my divorce from the violent husband. I had to use the money to live. Anyway, turned out that I never rec'd as much as the rest did. For a while that $ was used to pay my rent. Now, yes, I have to pay a portion to my mother; am on public housing, Sec. 8.
I am ashamed of the whole dang thing...living in/on the system. I've been reassured, ya' know, 'you worked so that you'd have this'; but still I feel that shame.
I was once a success to my fam', but now am the nonsuccess in the fam'.
But, it's odd - sometimes I feel as if I really am a success. Remember, when everyone said 'I'm Not Proud' - it was the cool thing to say. I never liked that. I never understood how my friends could say that.
To me, pride could be a political argument or a religious one. But I think my maker wants me to hold onto 'my little private' pride, yet learn to do it w/ humility.
I intend to never marry or have long relationship w/ a man, for a long time, and by that time I'll prob' have passed anyway. It is certainly not my intention to risk and trust a man again.
Maybe this is what this is really all about. My fam' would have me find a man to care for me. We're not so far ahead of the time when thta was the 'way it was' in society.
I don't wish to; I cannot handle men. So, this is why 'I' am this issue that won't go away, like the lint in their pockets.
My father had so much love and respect for me ... I wonder why.
Did I say I would like to go somewhere by myself and live, and if anyone asked me where my fam' was, I'd say, 'I don't have one.' It's a pipe dream - I'm not that courageous.
(: ******* My daughter finally admitted to me that I was right. She told me that 'yes', I was right when I said that. 'I feel like a burden'. She said that is what it felt like to her. Then she said she was sorry and told me that I am worthy of asking for help. ********* :)
tks you all, cf
poster:corafree
thread:475399
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050316/msgs/475786.html