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Re: I'm losing it today » partlycloudy

Posted by jujube on February 2, 2005, at 21:57:05

In reply to I'm losing it today, posted by partlycloudy on February 2, 2005, at 13:02:00

((((Partlycloudy))))

I'm sorry things are tough for you right now.

Geez, don't you wish that at birth we were given a user's manual with a long and detailed Troubleshooting section in it! I can relate to what you are going through - the late night worrying, the irritability and internal rage that can get so bad you feel like a volcano ready to erupt, the self-doubt. Ugh! I don't know how many times I ended up out with the dog for a walk or a run at 1 or 2 in the morning trying to quell my racing mind. Or, how could I forget my attempt to release the frustration and anger I always internalise by throwing dishes against the house in the backyard. That release mechanism backfired not after I cut my foot open on a piece of broken glass, but after I grabbed a Corel plate and became even more frustrated and irritable when it refused to break. Plus, I think could have become rather expensive!

I think what I am going to invest in is one of those blow-up Bozo punching toys - for both the office and home. Then, when I need to release anger, frustration and anxiety, I will take it out on Bozo rather than myself.

I don't think my saying "try to hang in there" will go over very well right now. I mean, I think I would have to be a moron to think that you are not already doing that. So, I will just say - be good to you as best as you can right now.

Take care.

Tamara

> 2nd bad day in a row. Not handling work well; had a simple task to do today and I worried about it all night. It is such a little thing and my mind is blowing everything up into enormous proportions. I got the task done first thing today and I'm still worked up over it. I imagine that I have no credibility.
> My therapist keeps rescheduling me without a second thought and I can't even tell her how upset it makes me, because I hardly know her and she says, "well, things happen; stuff comes up".
>
> Babble is really only a part of it.
> I can't cry here at work, I can't. I'm supposed to be all better after being out for 2 months on sick leave. There's nowhere for me to go to collect myself. There is no collecting possible right now. I'm shattered, fractured, blowed up real good.
> I cranked up my white noise machine until it sounds like the ocean is lapping at my desk.
> I deep breathed until I saw stars, then forgot what I was doing and held my breath like a pearl diver.
> I went out at lunchtime to run an errand and my road rage seethed; I hated the people standing in line in front of me at the store... it is all no good, no good today.
>
> Angel Girl, forgive me please for being so forceful with you. It's the last thing either of us needs.
>
>


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