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anybody understand? I do » Rainee

Posted by 64bowtie on February 2, 2005, at 8:08:21

In reply to anybody understand?, posted by Rainee on February 2, 2005, at 4:53:36

Rainee,

I accept and understand you. I'm there for you no matter what.

What may be harder for you to resolve is when I question your actions, until you can picture 'your actions' are separate from 'who you are'. They aren't 'who you are' even for a moment in time. Your reflection of 'who you are' is what you see IRL in your mirror. Your mirror doesn't show what actions are in your heart. It shows you....., to you.

I couldn't do what I did over the last 20 years hobbled my childhood notions that in order to be 'somebody', I had to be 'somebody'! Being 'somebody' to me as a child always meant acting a certain way. What happened to my self-image when I stopped acting that way and just..... was..... me.....?

As a child, I seemed to always go back to being a miserable failure. Nobody could see me being a miserable failure. I couldn't even see it in the mirror. I did however, assume everyone was smarter than me and remembered me before I acted like 'somebody'. In truth, they were toooo busy with their own lives to care one way or another. They were jealous of me when I was acting like 'somebody'!

Just as soon as I separated 'who-I-is' from 'what-I-does', my life changed.... forever! If I act 'badly' and resolve to never do it again, I am free to act 'goodly', and I do.

At the end of the day, I reconcile that I am good and have acted 'goodly', even with this or that 'badly' thrown in, that I resolve to be more careful with next time. I now never-forget who I am.

It didn't take 20 years. It took only an instant, 20 years ago! Since then it has taken me 20 years to live out what I was gonna live out anyway, only better!

Rod


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