Posted by alexandra_k on November 11, 2004, at 1:34:25
In reply to Re: Who am I? » alexandra_k, posted by jujube on November 10, 2004, at 10:50:57
Hi Tamara, I don't find your responses boring or annoying at all - it is nice to know someone reads what I write and thinks about it enough to respond to it.
I hear what you are saying about moving on from the past. I have done many things that I am ashamed of and that I regret but there is no point wallowing in that.
I guess that for me my revulsion with the past is a bit more than that though. I don't like to think of my family as my family. I don't like anything about my upbringing or my life - before I came to university. But then I guess I need to think that it is because of the bad experiences that I have had that I am the person I am today. I am sure that I have learned a lot and have many qualities that I wouldn't have developed if I had a more ordinary childhood.
I have been thinking about emptiness or hollowness a lot. What is missing? My theory is that most people internalise all the good vibes that were around them when they were children. Some people don't get to internalise that. Either because it is harder for them or because there wasn't as much of it around so that they could internalise it.
So now it feels like there is something missing.
Something broken
And I don't know what it is because I have never had it to realise that it is the absence of anything in particular.
But I figure it is love.
The absense of love
And the inability to internalise the love that is around.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:413414
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041105/msgs/414470.html