Posted by spoc on March 31, 2004, at 16:02:16
In reply to heyhey, posted by inthegloaming on March 31, 2004, at 8:17:53
> ugh, i'm just so embarrassed. for the way i acted, for liking this girl in general.... she says it's all good between us but then she'll slip in something like 'i'm still confused about... never mind' and then will clam up about it. i'm left panicky and unresolved. i think i just need to clean up this self-hate and undo the brain poisioning i picked up when i was younger... the feeling of being toxic, etc. etc. siiigh. easier said than done.> > -g.
<<< Ya know it sounds like the opposite of a healthy thing to do on the surface, but I have found that "Faking it til I make it," applied prudently, does help. Meaning now, when I meet new people, I have kind of taught myself to step back and think about how a person who isn't insecure would approach any given situation. I apply it to everything from how much it's time to show/divulge to the chances that a "normal" person would react to something the way I may find myself tempted to react -- to a slight that probably isn't even there. It helps me proceed with new friendships/acquaintances with the increased self-respect of knowing I haven't given it away too soon that I am so oversensitive. I ask myself, What personality traits do the people who never seem to have trouble with anyone have? And I will not fake having any I don't have, but I will focus on accentuating the ones I do have.
I think of it as taking care of ME rather than supressing, because I too dislike it when I feel like I have gone too far and that the "power balance" (which we have to admit does exist in all relationships) has become too skewed. This may be only a remedy for the surface but it has given me more solid ground to build on once I do go on to start to get to know the person better.... First impressions stick -- we can let some weirdness slip later and it may go relatively unnoticed/unobjected to! Don't know if that makes any sense!
poster:spoc
thread:328027
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040331/msgs/330916.html