Posted by Racer on February 7, 2004, at 23:27:19
In reply to Re: My two cents, posted by socialdeviantjeff on February 6, 2004, at 0:07:21
The study was referred to in Discover Magazine's year end issue out in December. Unfortunately, the article is not accessible on their website. They only had a short blurb about the study, but it's certainly interesting.
As for the rest of what you had to say, all I can say is "whew! Sounds like fun -- NOT!" I'm sorry you went through that.
What you said about never telling anyone, though, brought up a point that's been hovering around in my head lately: Not only do children Not Tell, but the adults around them don't always ask in a way that leads to answers. You didn't tell anyone you had been pushed into the saw, right? If the teacher had asked you, "Did anyone push you?" You would have hung your head, I'm guessing, and shaken it. If, on the other hand, the teacher had asked another question, maybe did so-and-so knock into you, maybe? You might have answered something that wasn't so loaded, right?
For me, I know that if any adult in my life had asked me if my mother's boyfriend had touched me, I would have told the truth. Hell, I *did* tell my mother, fat lot of good that did me. Meanwhile, the school's calling her, telling her to send me to counseling, we went, and NO ONE EVER ONCE ASKED ME. If anyone ever had, I would have answered.
So, for the record, if anyone here ever finds him or her self in a position of talking to a child about whether or not any abuse has gone on, remember this: ask specific, non-threatening questions. Nothing so amorphous as, "Is anyone hurting you?" That one's worthless: if you're concerned enough to be asking a question like that, something is not right, and the child is likely to be hurting. Specificity, that's the rule with kids. I do remember one counselor trying to help, but not being able to put any of it into words.
Unfortunately, I didn't always get good counselors, and we were at a psychiatric teaching center, so we rotated through counselors every 3 months. We got one who was so bad I finally just gave up and stopped showing up for appointments. Oh, well. Maybe if we'd had a good, continuing therapy relationship back then, I might not be in the state I'm in now...
(Oh, back to that study, I can't find it again, but I think I saw something about at either Public Citizen's website, or maybe pbs. You could try there, or the NIH or NIMH might have it posted. Hope you find it, it's actually really interesting.)
poster:Racer
thread:308985
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040131/msgs/310781.html