Posted by Karen_kay on February 4, 2004, at 12:47:20
So, everything is relative. And I'm not even sure if this will make sense because I know it doesn't make sense to me. And there's fact and fiction. But there's also manipulation. Like, I know I'm thin, but only because a scale says so, or a BMI chart. And I know I'm tall, but only because I know my height. And I think I'm nice, but only because the "nice" things I do outweigh the mean things I do. Or do they? And a year ago, I wasn't sexually abused. But, out of nowhere, voila, I was. The mind is tricky like that.
So, how is it that you judge your own character, your own beauty, your own EVERYTHING???? Sure, you can walk around saying, "Gee, I'm a nice person. And bad things don't happen to me. And I pay taxes. And my dog loves me. And I'm pretty. And I'm thin." But, aren't you just lying to yourself? Because there's always going to be someone out there who better at everything else than you are. I guess my question is are we all just lying to ourselves about everything? I mean just because you do nice things, does that really make you a nice person? Can't you just lie to yourself and eventually you begin to think you're a nice person, regardless of whether that's true? And can't you just lie to yourself long enough so that you think you are pretty, or intelligent, or good at something?
I don't know, I just think I'm tired of lying. I mean I lied about some things and now they're coming back to haunt me. I just want some answers. Is it OK to lie about some things and not others? Is there a standard? Am I just dumb here? Does anyone else wonder about this? Does this make any sense at all? I mean with the abuse, I'm suffering from it. I just want reality, if there is such a thing. YES!!! That's my question.... Is reality just perception??? If it is, then mine's pretty slanted.... But in a good way I think... How's everyone else's view of reality??? I think everyone is a good person. And I think we'll all be OK. In fact, I think we'll all turn out great. Does that make me optimistic or blind?
(And when I say "lie", I mean tell yourself you are good at something when it may not be true. Or dissociate from a situation that may be tramatic. Or repeatedly tell yourself you're gorgeous, when you don't really believe it. I don't mean lie your way out of a speeding ticket :)) Tell me I'm not the only liar here....
poster:Karen_kay
thread:309326
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040131/msgs/309326.html