Posted by fallsfall on July 19, 2003, at 15:42:15
In reply to Help Help Help Help Help Help Help » fallsfall, posted by Temmie on July 19, 2003, at 15:00:52
Temmie.
It will be OK. You will get through this.
Pills and booze are not a very good combination. Let's try to think of a different way to get through the day.
What you are going through is not that different from my situation right now. I just left my therapist of 8 1/2 years. When I saw her it was both wonderful and awful - at the same time. Wonderful because she gave me comfort - she "held" me, I was safe. But I felt that she was angry at me, which meant that I was "bad" (evil). So I had both ends of the spectrum at the same time (I'm borderline, I see everything as black and white - no shades of grey for me) - it was excruciating. When it got painful enough I left. My new therapist is fine, but we really don't know each other very well yet. He is not comforting (yet?), but he doesn't give me pain, either. I miss my old therapist, I miss the comfort and the holding. It is very easy for me to see only the good side or only the bad side (that's the black and white stuff). I think of her and remember the good parts and I want to go back there. I want to call her. I NEED her. But I have to keep remembering the bad part, too. It was very painful (it took more than 48 hours after therapy before I could do anything). It is easier to feel how the comfort felt, than how the pain was. But I remind myself that when I decided to leave that I knew what I was doing, that I can't live with the pain anymore. That I have to give my new therapist a chance (6 sessions don't give you the connection of 8 1/2 years).
You can feel the love, and I think you are pretty lonely, so it feels really good. But you need to be realistic with yourself on how much he could hurt you (both physically and emotionally). You need to be realistic when you consider your pain now vs. your pain in 6 months when you feel closer to him but he has betrayed your trust. It is easier to let him go now. He isn't the only man on earth (boy, I really thought my therapist was the only therapist on earth - and I was wrong). It is so hard to let go of something you need so much. But you have a good mind - let it have some say in this.
So, I think that you need to think through what is in your best interest. Acknowledge that the love feels really good. But also acknowledge that the pain that is likely ahead overshadows that.
I was wondering if this was harder for you because your son is heading off to college. My second child graduated this year, I still have one to go. So I know what it is like to "lose" a child, but I don't know what it is like to "lose" your last child. I would think that would be really hard. Your whole life changes dramatically. So it might be harder to turn down someone who will keep you company and make you feel good. But you have to look at the whole picture.
Are you with me so far?
poster:fallsfall
thread:243466
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030719/msgs/243514.html