Posted by maryhelen on June 30, 2003, at 22:29:49
In reply to Emme, posted by Miller on June 30, 2003, at 13:19:24
Emme:
I understand the pain that you are going through.
I have been in hospital four times, twice I was certified. I was so terrified. I was so ashamed and humiliated. My daughter was only sixteen at the time of my first hospitalization. I was ashamed for my family, my mother and 9 brothers and sisters to know. With friends and coworkers I used more energy hiding my depression than the energy that the depression zapped out of me.
To make a long story short, I feel blessed today that I have had the experiences that I have had. I have come to know that depression is an illness. I am very, very open about it now. I do not think I have encountered one person that has been critical and does not respect my honesty and it is amazing how many people can relate, either with their own experiences or friends or relatives. When I was open about myself at the school I work in, six teachers told me about their struggles and that they were on antidepressant. Nothing is like it seems.
I would honeslty say that meeting all those whom I have in hospital has enriched my life. In fact, I have learned so much about life, different mental illness, to have more compassion and have no judgement of other peoples differences. I have met cutters, sex addicts, survivors of sexual, physical, verbal abuse, rape victims, and even a person whose father practised beastiality on the dogs at home, schizophrenics, anorexics, people who are paranoid, Vietnam vets when I was in a hospital in Cleveland (I am from Canada) and to truly understand what it was like to come back from that horrible war. I am a drug addict myself, pain medications, and have met alcoholics, heroine addicts, cocaine addicts, the list goes on. I was also in 3 substance abuse programs.
I know I am going on too long, but I just wanted to tell you about my experiences.
Without my illness and my good fortune to meet, know and understand all of these people, I feel my life would be like those who judge others when they don't understand what we go through and feel that they are better than us. No one is better that us because of the nature of our illness. In a heartbeat, those who judge, could be a heartbeat away from joining us.
If I can do a small part by taking away the stigma of mental illness, by being forthcoming and honest, than my life has more meaning to it than if I had never been ill, even though it has been hell one earth.
Do you think your mother would want to try, at least to listen and understand you, or go to your funeral.
maryhelen
poster:maryhelen
thread:236508
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030626/msgs/238307.html