Posted by Emme on June 26, 2003, at 6:34:21
In reply to Re: Getting worser and worser » Emme, posted by yesac on June 25, 2003, at 20:05:55
> Yes! That is exactly how I feel. I just really don't know if I could ever bring myself to believe that it really is time to go to the hospital. How do you define "necessary"? I know that many of my therapists probably wished desperately that they could get me to go, but knew how totally against being forced into something like that I am. I mean, if for days my thoughts keep returning to suicide, if I ponder my pills and dump them into my hand, if I write out quasi-suicide notes.... does that mean I should go? How do I KNOW that I "can't keep myself safe"? I've always managed before, somehow. I don't like to promise that I will, but I never really know if I can for sure.And do I even really WANT to keep myself safe...? And what if I got up the nerve to go there and they decided I wasn't in bad enough shape to be there? What if my insurance decided not to cover it?
Then here's another practical problem. How to hide it from family members. My dad is stressed out enough over me and over other things. And if he knew I were in a hospital, he'd feel obligated to contact my mother and tell her. My mother cannot find out. She doesn't know about my mood disorder as far as I know. She's difficult, overprotective, chronically worried about everything, has panic attacks herself, is vehemently opposed to psychotropic medication, and would probably try to take some sort of nasty action against my doctor for having me on multiple medication. She'd think the medication was causing my problems and try to get me to go off. She'd tell everyone, distort reality, and never again treat me as a healthy person. It'd be the end of life as I know it. If I were unreachable for days at home it'd be a problem. I'd have to lie about going to see a friend somewhere....
Anyone else have this problem?
> I also do think that it's good to discuss with your therapist, just to get the idea in your head. I never would even have considered it if we hadn't talked about it.
>
> I hope that you've felt better today, a least a little bit.Thanks for the good wishes. I hope you have an acceptable day yourself.
Emme
poster:Emme
thread:236508
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030626/msgs/237176.html