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Re: How can something be safe if it's not permanent?

Posted by shar on June 27, 2003, at 11:00:46

In reply to How can something be safe if it's not permanent?, posted by Dinah on June 27, 2003, at 9:20:29

> Doesn't safe mean knowing that something will be there for you when you need it?

.......In general, yes. But not 100% of the time.

>Doesn't safe mean knowing that something won't hurt and abandon you?

........In general, yes. But not 100% of the time.

>How can something be safe if you don't know those things?

.....It is safe if you know you can handle it NOT being there at times, and you know you can handle that you WILL get hurt at times, and you know you can work it out with the other.

.....If safe has to be 100% reliable, only inanimate objects would be safe (and I'd exclude electronics). Things like dolls, stuffed animals, rocks, crockery, etc. But even those can be lost or stolen.
>
> Without permanence, trust is a risk. And risky is not safe.

.......Trust is risky, period. Even when we are so careful and do our homework, and only let down walls an inch at a time, the closer someone is to us the more they can hurt us. I think it is important to believe you can survive if someone hurts you, or you can't open up to begin with. And, if we run away when we are hurt, we never get a chance to learn we aren't alone. That person can still be there with us, and work things out with us.

.....I'm talking about dealing with relatively 'normal' people now, not people with emotional disorders that make them impulsive, or otherwise unreliable.

.....And, finally, sometimes the way we want people to be trustworthy is fantastic (as in fantasy), and something few could ever live up to. In most cases, we can get some, not all, of what's important to us in a relationship, and get other important things from others (the person who gives you hugs may not be the person who you want to discuss books with).

.....And, really finally, you will get hurt. And, you will survive. You probably WON'T get hurt like you were when you were little or powerless or helpless. You are different now.

Whew! Shut up, Shar!
Shar

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