Posted by daizy on March 17, 2003, at 6:59:14
In reply to can anyone help me find whats real? triggering, posted by sienna on March 16, 2003, at 21:44:15
> went to ER last nite because i thought i was dying but i wasnt dying but they all looked at me funny and reading my mind. and i watched to see whether each person could and some could and some coulndnt. but then when they wanted to put the cardiogram thingie on me i didnt want take of fmy clothes because last time they took me to a psych ward. they said i had to take off my shirt but i said dont touch me but i took it off and i put the things on and the gown but my jacket over it.
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> then the doctor came said my cardigram is normal and listened to me breathihng i said im not takeing off my clothes and then listened more. and put one hand on my back and other on my chest and pushed to see if it hurt but it didnt but it scared me and i didnt want them to touch me just make sure im not dying. then they called the psych on call and i talk to him on the phone.
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> I didnt want to tell him much becuase i think that if i tell then the guy who hurt me knows i am saying something because he can hear me talking and knows im telling and then he will kill me and i guess thats not real but how do you know if its real or not., cuz it feels real and i told the psch dr. that and he kept saying to tell him so i told him what happened of getting raped and telling will make it happen again because it always seems to and its forever linked for me. but he asked me did it happen beofre
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> im scared to tell him but i did tell him yes and hes aiys when and i tell him of when i was 8 - 10 and it happend then when i waws 13 and my bf was 19 and it happened then for 3 years again when i was 19 walking home from a party. hate new orleans bittersweet sick beautiful place. now im scared they are coming to kill me and break into my house. i didnt tell him all of the times because all of them arent rape and i dont know what is right and wrong anymore. its so confusing
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> something is wrong with me. the poison inside me and its like whatever i did i am still being punished and im supposed to just take it because im did it to myself but i dont know if that is real or not. and it makes me want to cut and feel and bleed but i cant.Hey Sienna, I know how you are feeling, just hope it has eased off a bit, hang in there till tomorrow. As long as you tell your doc everything, I have trouble doing that for fear of what they will think of me so I keep it all in, it just makes it worse. I totally dont feel right yet, these AD's have made everyhting seem sunny again yet I still feel sad, I feel like ive just woken up from a bad dream and everything in it actually happened so how can I just forget it, like I feel like a bit of a fool for some of the stuff I did like trips to ER ect... and no one has said why it happened, I just dont believe that its just because of anxiety... I feel like everyone knows what Ive done, something in me is saying stay inside, or everyone will know how stupid you are, so I dont go out... I dont know what it is... I dont know whats real.. Anyways, let me know how you get on, good luck...
poster:daizy
thread:209831
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030316/msgs/209927.html